The core reason for loving to lose oneself is excessive fear in the pursuit of belonging.
So you have to ask, "Why am I so afraid of losing each other?" Why am I so worried that the other person hates me? ”
You may ask, what exactly can be done not to be afraid?
I'll tell you there's no specific medicine that makes you feel undeterred.
So all we can do is learn to coexist with a sense of fear of loss.
What is fear?
Just like some people are afraid of snakes, some people are afraid of ghosts, some people are afraid of high, afraid of dark, afraid of dense things, and so on, these things I am talking about are the common fears of people all over the world, so it is the fear of the collective subconscious, so it is very normal for you to be afraid of these things.
But when you now imagine a rattlesnake in front of you, will you be afraid?
Unless you've had wilderness training or you're a snake-catcher yourself, the average person is bound to be afraid, and in most cases we face loss as if we were facing that snake.
You must say that such a picture makes you feel very uncomfortable, because fear is an uncomfortable thing, and when you practice appearing in your mind, practice not running away in fear, not screaming immediately, practicing slowly quieting yourself through breathing.
Tell yourself: "Ok I saw this picture, I have a lot of fear in my heart, I feel like I'm shrinking myself." “
Yes, this can happen, but you can also expand your body through the breath, and feel like you are looking at the snake through the breath; This exercise is called being with fear.
Do you know?
When you face the rattlesnake through such practice, you will find that you are afraid that the rattlesnake may attack at any time and kill people, but will it be more often than not, it is actually just a hemp rope? Are we giving it the power of the rattlesnake, the power we give it to hurt us intensely?
So why do we give it such power?
It may well be that our strong memories of the past have allowed us to shape the feeling of loss, which is obviously a hemp rope in our lives, but we strengthen it to become a huge rattlesnake, which is how many of us treat our lives.
If you begin to feel in this way, you will start to practice thinking and feeling, and you will find that you will leave the relationship a lot of times, leave those scenes, your sanity will come back, you will even turn back and scold yourself that you must have been a ghost at that time, you will be with this person for such a long time; when there is no fear of hostage, after we leave the relationship, the original sanity will all be restored.
At that time, you were still in that toxic relationship, even if the person next to you kept telling you how bad the other person was, you still didn't leave, you still kept sacrificing dedication in the relationship, wouldn't it be that you used several twines to scare yourself and stay in place? Sometimes that's basically the case.
So what to do?
Whether it is physical or psychological strength, in fact, there is a complementary concept, if your psychology is strong, you know who you are, you are also very active in positioning yourself, you know very well where your limitations are, that is, when others attack you, you will not be ashamed of yourself, such a state is called your psychology getting stronger and stronger.
And when your psychology is getting stronger and stronger, no one can easily hurt you, lash out at you, for many relationships, you will find that it is just a fit, the case of non-fit is just a choice, the separation of dissonance will not be a process that hurts your self-esteem, or such a separation, leaving does not mean that you are not a good person, you will start to have a lot of different views in the inner working part!