Yang Lan: The most effective education is to let children see how their parents behave

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Many parents always like to compare "other people's children" with their own children, and always feel that their children are not as good as other people's children. But when we want our children to be as good as "other people's children", do we ever think about whether we are doing as well as "other people's parents"?

"Being a parent is not an easy task, teaching by example is more convincing than words, don't put all your energy on your child, if you are full, happy, responsible, and have emotional management skills, your child will imitate you." 」

Today, we will listen to Yang Lan's parenting experience. Yang Lan, as a senior media person, we can feel her wisdom and competence on the screen, in fact, as a mother of a pair of children, she is also very competent.

The most important thing is for children to see how their parents behave

Text | Yang

As a professional woman, I was also confused about how to balance work and life. Every time I packed my bags and prepared for a business trip, I felt that I had done something particularly sorry for my children. After a period of thinking, I think it is more important for a child to see that mothers and fathers enjoy their work so much, enjoy their lives, they are so fulfilled, they see such a big world, bring back such interesting stories, and they can give some guidance when the child encounters confusion. How you become a person, your attitude, your behavior children will see.

I asked a lot of professionally accomplished moms and found that many of them had well-grown children, which gave me confidence and answers. When a child reaches a certain stage, he needs to collide and communicate ideas with the people closest to him. When the child's ability to think critically begins to arise, he needs a powerful partner, and at this time, if the parents are only satisfied with often "relying" on their side, but can not give them the nourishment of their thoughts, the children will feel dissatisfied.

The son is 16 years old, began to have the ability to think independently, when he sees some bad phenomena in society, he also has his own critical thoughts, at this time, he is very eager for a mother who also has an independent spirit and critical thoughts to talk to him, at this time, if you just surround him all day long and ask "do you want to eat braised pork or grilled fish?"

Whether it is a father who is busy all the year round, or a mother who can spend more time with her children, the most important thing is to let your children see that you are a person who fully enjoys life, especially as a mother, you should first live a very fulfilling and happy life, so that children know that such a life can be done.

Husband and wife quarrels are inevitable, how to reduce the harm of such quarrels to children?

Once, I had a very fierce conflict with my husband and scared the child. After stabilizing our emotions a little, we both realized that we had just done something very terrible.

We came to the child's room, knelt on one leg, and said to the child from a completely level point of view: "Mom and Dad just did a very wrong thing, we quarreled in front of you like that, and used very indecent language, we want to tell you, adults sometimes do some very stupid things, such as what we just did is very stupid, we both sincerely apologize to you." Please forgive us. First, Mom and Dad still love each other; second, we don't want you to be frightened or hurt in any way. ”

Remind parents to try to control their emotions in front of their children. There are some anxious mothers in society, and some even growl hysterically at their children. It's "a very bad demonstration" in which a mother allows herself to vent something very negative out of control, and while it may temporarily suppress the child at the time, the child will express her emotions in the same way in the future, whether to a friend, a colleague, or to her own child, and may fall into a subconscious habit. This is a very scary "heredity".

In the face of the Internet and TELEVISION, choose to trust the child

Today's children are an electronic generation, and television and the Internet are as indispensable to them as air. But at the same time, electronicization has also caused problems such as Internet addicted teenagers, as a parent, how to control the use of children in television and the Internet?

Encourage children to read, travel, and experience a variety of social activities. But when the children are relatively young, they like to watch the "Happy Sheep", and stopping the children is not the way, so I sat next to the children to watch, and one day, the child said: "Mom, you are so naïve, I really can't accompany you to see this." Children can't find too many programs suitable for themselves to watch on TV, and they no longer like to sit in front of the TV.

I don't agree that in order to reduce the contact between children and electronic products, let all the tv, computer and other products in the home disappear and artificially isolate. This can greatly affect your child's social interactions in the class. As a result, when the children in the class are talking about a cartoon and a game they are keen to watch, the child has nothing to say.

As children enter school, more and more contact with the Internet, almost all the homework in school must be completed online, and they often watch some favorite cartoons and movies through the Internet to chat with classmates. I also start to panic when I see my child sitting in front of the computer all the time, but I understand that if you constantly ask your child what you are doing, you are distrustful of your child.

In the end, I made a "deal" with the children: from the protection of the eyes, the development of the body, the growth of the cervical spine, and learning, Monday to Friday, do not go online to see useless things, do not play games; Friday night, Saturday and Sunday only play an hour a day. The child agreed.

Now that the negotiations are in place, their choices are fully respected. When I saw my child at the computer, I wanted to know what he was doing, but I said to myself, "Don't ask him, he must be doing his homework." "I chose to believe.

I confess that I have made mistakes myself

When my son was 5 years old, he forced him to practice the piano. The piano teacher asked his son: Why do you want to learn piano? The son replied: It was my mother who let me learn.

In the 4 years of learning the piano, my son was miserable, and I was not happy, "I cried hysterically for learning the piano." Finally one day, the son said, "Mom, I want to smash the piano." "I realized that my son really didn't like to play the piano, so I terminated my son's piano study career.

My daughter likes to play the piano. From this lament, even if it is the same parents, the same family, every child is not the same, the child's nature is really mysterious, we must be in awe of it.

The root of "boys raising poor and girls rich" is the concept of wealth

In recent years, the saying that "boys are poor and girls are rich" has prevailed among many parents, and this saying holds that only by raising boys poorly, suffering their hearts and minds, and laboring their bones and bones can he shoulder great responsibilities in the future; only by raising a rich girl, broadening her horizons materially and enriching her thoughts spiritually, can she have a wide range of insights, have opinions, and be happy in life in the future.

In fact, being too harsh on boys will make him accustomed to obedience to authority, and boys who are too poor from an early age may also make him become mercenary.

There are some people who go astray in adulthood precisely because they were so poor when they were young that money above all else has taken root in his thoughts since childhood, and in order to achieve this goal, he can do whatever it takes. Similarly, some families have very superior economic conditions, spoiling their daughters to the point of arrogance and ignorance, not knowing that doting can only make girls grow up to be petulant and rude, "Who wants to marry such a girl into the door?" ”

Whether the parents are poor or rich, the children will have to run their own lives in the future. Therefore, parents should let their children learn to put money, emotions, value, and spirit in a relatively reasonable position from an early age. When your children are very young, they are instilled in the idea that after the age of 18, your mother pays all the tuition fees for college, and you live on your own.

Accepting this concept, children's correct view of wealth will naturally be slowly cultivated.

During the summer vacation, my son went to the museum for an internship, and worked with the workers to unpack the wooden boxes, nails, and make records, because he was a high school student, and the museum did not pay him for his work. Eating out at noon, some classmates in the class ate pizza, and some even ate more expensive sushi, etc., but the son felt that he had not yet earned money, so he bought a 5 yuan sandwich to eat. When I came back, I praised my son's behavior. I told my son that you have to do the math, let's say you just graduated from college and how much money you can earn every month, if you spend 40 yuan for a lunch, it means that you can't support yourself at all.

"Poor and rich, in the final analysis, is a question of wealth values." Whether boys or girls, the most important thing is to cultivate the correct values and wealth. And too much entanglement in the problem of poor and rich support is "often the result of parents themselves paying too much attention to money."

Don't put all your energy on the child, let yourself be full of happiness and abundance, and teach by example is more important than words!

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