After you left, I lived myself as you were
Source | Xiaobei (ID: kuwoxiaobei)
Why are you less and less afraid to love?
Because there is too much beauty in love, but there are also too many negative things.
Like jealousy, suspicion, absolute possession; like insomnia, wanting to see, painful separation.
Love makes a person look like himself, and that's what I discovered from the time I fell in love with the first person.
I will become very jealous and possessive.
I was originally a Buddhist person, I didn't force anything, I had long been accustomed to the comings and goings of friends around me, but I was very concerned about that person's every move. Any trace of the opposite sex around him will make me alarm bells loud, and my mood will fall to the bottom in an instant.
I'm going to be very wayward.
Sometimes I know that I am thinking too extremely, but I still refuse to be soft, and while I am insincerely throwing harsh words, I hope that the other party will explain it repeatedly to be at ease.
I would lose my mind.
He clockworked a circle of friends, and I thought it was careful and analytical, and even felt that it was a hint to me.
But in fact, he just wants to send a circle of friends.
He said "good night", and fireworks exploded inside me, and I performed one love inner drama after another.
But in fact, he just didn't want to talk to me.
He doesn't love me, and as a bystander, I just don't want to admit it.
In many emotional choices, I know that I will make disappointing answers, but I don't want to change that wrong answer.
Because of this, I always don't like the way I love someone with all my heart. It seems strong and stubborn, but in fact, it will collapse with one blow.
At that time, I didn't know how much self-cultivation I had to go through to make myself a little more decent in my feelings.
Speaking of this, I think of Yang Kasa's self-ridicule at the "Talk Show Conference":
"I'm not in love anymore. Because when I fall in love, it's like a changed person. You usually see me dashing, self-sufficient, emotional stability, it can be said that all the good qualities in the world are concentrated in me alone. But as soon as I fell in love, I became vulnerable, suspicious, and hysterical.
I don't pursue love anymore, I'm fed up with the gains and losses at home every day, and I'm full of thoughts about whether he loves me or not. ”
I've seen a quote before:
If you have insomnia all the time, it only proves that your life is not tired enough.
Actually, I don't think so.
The more exhausted we are, the more tired we are, all our feelings and sensitive nerves will be magnified.
Because at the end of the day, the night is our most tired and vulnerable moment, so loneliness and loneliness always strike at night.
But have you ever found that in this process, it is not the other person who really makes us feel pain, but the fantasy self.
In fact, all love and miss should not be painful.
What makes us really feel tormented is desire.
At first I just wanted you to knock on my door, but then you did come and I didn't want you to go;
At first I just wanted to avoid the rain with you, but then I wanted the rain to never stop.
When the initial small desires are fulfilled, we begin to greed for more maps.
Nothing good can feed the hungry emotional needs of our hearts.
All results that do not meet our inner expectations make us miserable.
But we forget that all we wanted at the beginning was to be knocked on the door and shelter from the rain together.
We also forget that there is no eternity in this world, and the normal state of life is separation.
This dream was woven by our own hands from the beginning, and when did it really exist.
Some people say that love is the most "out of nothing" source of happiness.
So no matter how much disappointment and pain love brings, there is always someone to love.
When you meet someone who brings you infinite heart, warmth and healing power, you will understand that all the waiting is worth it.
You can love a little slower or later, but in any case, don't lose the ability to love.
- END -
Author: Xiao Bei, founder of (Kuwoxiaobei) All the Way north culture media Co., Ltd., a well-known emotional anchor. Best-selling author, author of "This Fickle World Rarely Has You", "Meet Every You with a Story", and has a public account that accompanies you to say goodnight at 9:09 every night. I want to cure every lonely patient with sound and words. It's good that you're here. WeChat public number: Xiaobei (kuwoxiaobei) Weibo @ Xiaobei loves to eat meat. Jiang, who has a story, published it with authorization, please contact the original author for reprinting.