01
The writer Jiplin wrote in his Speech: "Speech is the most effective prescription used by mankind. ”
Everyone wants to be strong in isolation, but in fact, no one can really get rid of the group and never ask for people for a lifetime.
Therefore, people mix in society, do not let yourself be defeated by not being able to speak. A few words, let others warm their hearts, the distance between people will be closer.
"Can talk" is a compulsory course for adults.
02
First, the past, at best.
There is a word called past without blame.
Past events, if you always flip it out, are likely to be considered entangled. Especially the broken things of the past, every time they are said, it is like a needle stuck in someone else' body.
If you can't avoid the past, then you must guide the "good direction" and lead everyone from the dark place to the sun.
In the Spring and Autumn Period, Confucius's disciple Gongyechang returned to the Country of Lu from Weiguo and met an old woman who was crying bitterly. It turned out that the old woman's son was gone.
Gongye Chang told the old woman that she had just found her son on the way, but had been harmed. The village officials thought that the chief of the gongye was suspicious and imprisoned him for sixty days.
Confucius said, "Although in the midst of the silk, it is not his sin." After that, he also married his daughter to Gongyechang.
To be human, look forward, don't always look backwards. Using beautiful things to cover up the bad past is all beneficial.
03
Second, the usual thing, happy to say.
In everyone's impression, Confucius, as a teacher, should be serious.
In fact, Confucius also had many humorous moments. For example, he commented on the student Zigong and said, "You, ah, are like a vessel." What utensils? Hu Lian. ”
There is a way that the good-looking skin bag is the same, and the interesting soul is one of the best.
Usually when talking, innocuous things, humorous, can increase the impression score. Some analogies will also make everyone associate and impress.
For example, among colleagues, when they go to work, they should take their work seriously; after work, don't be serious, but relax and talk happily.
04
Third, unclear things, say with caution.
In the "Left Biography", it is written: "Words are wordless, and actions are not far away." ”
If the content of the chat is very empty and does not conform to reality, it will lead to "words without faith, open mouths". Therefore, for things that you do not understand, be cautious.
To know is to know, not to know is not to know. If you are exaggerated, you will appear foreign and reflect your own clumsiness.
Confucius, commenting on the student Ran Yong, said: "The imperial people give with their mouths, and they often hate people." ”
Always arguing, although you have sharp teeth, but it will make people resentful. Communication is excessive, counterproductive, and it is better to listen to others.
05
Fourth, the matter of evaluation, pertinently said.
When we were in school, we were often commented on by teachers. Some things are done well, some things are not right, and some things need to be corrected.
Those who are criticized by the teacher will not resent, but be grateful; those who are praised by the teacher will not be proud, but will continue to work hard. Because the teacher's comments are pertinent, not exaggerated, and not arbitrarily accused.
Confucius commented on Mi Zi and said, "A gentleman is like a man." Lu has no gentleman, Si Yan goes to Si. ”
Mi Zi was an official of Lu Guo's father, who made good use of talents and improved the rules. The fisherman takes the initiative to put the small fish back into the river; the person who picks up the things can give it to the owner. The credit for local governance is not small.
Evaluating any person is the most taboo "hypocrisy". On the surface, some hypocritical words will make everyone very happy, but clear-eyed people know that such words are "exaggerated winds". If a bunch of hypocritical people come together, words and actions are meaningless.
06
Fifth, the matter of education, sincerely said.
Many parents, when educating their children, always have a condescending attitude - hate iron is not steel.
There are also some parents, usually rarely communicate with their children, after seeing their children's achievements, they roar a few words in a menacing manner, or tears, hoping that their children will reflect and awaken.
An excessive approach to education is ineffective and will be offensive.
Good education is communication and dialogue at the same level, respecting each other's right to speak, and paying attention to future observation and guidance.
Confucius's student Zaiyu was still sleeping in the daytime. Confucius was very angry and said, "Rotten wood cannot be carved." ”
Later, Zaiyu studied diligently, did not hesitate to ask, and made obvious progress. Confucius also said, "Listen to his words and observe his deeds, and give and change." ”
One is one, two is two, don't exaggerate, don't cheat. Your sincerity will make the other party feel good, and it will also make the other party accept.
07
Sixth, the things behind it, less to say.
There is a way that no one says behind the scenes of anyone, and no one speaks behind the back of the people.
When chatting, we inevitably talk about "third people". And the object of the chat, is not in it.
Everyone has a mouth and can speak. Therefore, the things behind it, after adding oil and vinegar, will become many versions, and even become rumors.
Talking about people behind their backs is inevitable, but you can say a few words less. Or you can switch topics in time and don't go deep into it. Especially belittling words from others, don't say them.
08
Seventh, the affairs of the family, say with your heart.
Communication within the family can be done without words, but we must pay attention to the tone and attitude of communication.
As long as it is a heartfelt word, even if it is with a thorn, it can be accepted by the family; as long as it is heartless and lungless, no matter what way it is said, it will cause everyone to be uncomfortable.
For example, regarding the issue of parents' pension, you should express your actual difficulties and specific ideas, and express them sufficiently. If you don't express your thoughts, the thoughts of your brothers and sisters, and you can't accept them, the contradiction comes.
Don't let your family guess your mood and words, but communicate with your heart and think in a different position.
09
Eighth, their own business, easy-going.
As a person, you can see the dust on other people's faces, but you can't see the wrinkles on your own face.
Therefore, I want to take people as a mirror, compare them, and discover my shortcomings and strengths. If you talk about yourself when you communicate with someone, don't get angry. Accept criticism and dare to face pain; for achievements, do not like color.
Confucius commented on himself: "I am not born to know, good ancient, sensitive to the seeker." ”
Maintain a humble and respectful attitude, allow yourself to make mistakes, and face up to your achievements, and when you talk about yourself, you can be calm.
10
In the "Ghost Valley", it is written: "The mouth, the portal of the heart, and the wisdom and scheming all come out of it." ”
Good ways of talking are flexible and intelligent. On the whole, it is to guide the positive energy and make the people present feel the warmth.
Whether it is talking about yourself or others, you must start from the heart, if not, it is better to shut up.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.