"I long for someone to love me violently until death, to understand that love is as powerful as death. I long for someone to destroy me and to be destroyed by me. There are so many loves in the world that someone can spend a lifetime living together without knowing each other's names. ”
This passage is from the book "Oranges are not the only fruit", and when I first read this passage, I was deeply shocked, so attracted by this strong desire and undisguised boldness, that I read the whole book with great interest.
But what we are going to talk about today is not this, but another book, from the German philosopher Han Bingzhe's book "The Death of Love".
Just listening to the title of the book, you can more or less guess what I will talk about next: on the disappearance of the ability of contemporary people to love people.
In this meritorious society, most of us have lost the ability to love people purely, and it is difficult for people to fall in love with a person for no reason, and it is difficult to love a person for a long time. Why?
The book states: "Pure love, which requires a person to have the courage to eliminate the self in order to be able to discover the existence of the other." One of the reasons for the disappearance of love is that people are too "living in the world of the self." People build high walls for themselves to protect themselves from outsiders' opinions, the torrents of the world, and their vigilance is so strong that it is difficult for others to enter your core.
Even if someone is lucky enough to enter your realm, because you have sole dominance over your world, the slightest displeasure will result in the other being expelled.
In the psychology of this expulsion, half is discomfort, half fear.
The disappearance of love also lies in the superficiality of love. Sometimes you feel that you love someone is already a love that is broken, love is dead and alive, but in fact, you just have a feeling of love in your heart, and because of your own timidity to express love, in the continuous mental intriguation, reach the climax of love. But because the so-called deep love is just the imagination in your mind, you actually don't move, and you get nothing, in the end, the orgasm fades, leaving you with only exhaustion, and disappointment in love, and disappointment in the world.
"Love is not worth it", "he is not worthy", "I am not worthy", you have a love affair, and the other party knows nothing, and even does not feel the kindness of even the person who met in Pingshui.
If a person is often mentally depleted in such and such a way, then it is inevitable that his desire for love will eventually disappear.
The disappearance of love also lies in the "sexual freedom" of the current era, or the pursuit of pleasure in the era of material flooding.
A single sexual object is difficult to satisfy people's picky appetite, sexual freedom has also brought convenience to people, object replacement has become frequent, cheating /YP, it is not surprising. People reach higher and higher thresholds for orgasm, and dissatisfaction forces people to constantly seek excitement and freshness. All of this runs counter to emotional stability. By the way, love is gone!
In addition, "lust inspires a voluntary egolessness and self-sacrifice." But in this society that emphasizes freedom and independence, how can we tolerate our own grievances and losses? There are so many options before us that there is no need to hang ourselves from a tree. Under the guidance of this mainstream thinking, people's patience to run into it is eliminated, so love does not last long. It was easy to give up.
Everyone is a round of sharply contoured gears, in the process of biting and running into each other, pain due to friction is the only way, survive to go far on a gear, and give up because of pain is the end of the story.
The prosperity of the people is also an important reason for the disappearance of love. "In principle, money makes no difference. It eliminates all essential differences. This boundary is exclusive, exclusive, and thus eliminates all imagination of the so-called 'other'. ”
In the old society, people needed to achieve the effect of 1+1>2 through marriage, and population meant labor, and only those who had enough labor force could earn enough food to live.
In modern society, everyone has a chance to show their fists and feet, and work can support themselves. The romance and prosperity that people used to want to get through love/marriage can now satisfy themselves, even higher quality, and the time it takes less to realize their dreams. Without "desire" and "dependence", there will naturally be no actual love behavior.
Under the merit society, we are accustomed to judging whether a thing is worth it by "value" from an early age. To a certain extent, this will also raise the threshold for our lovers.
People use the habit of looking at goods to look at people and pick people. From the first time we meet a person, our "ruler" has been hit on him, and his looks, education, job, existing assets, expected assets, family, and resume have all passed through the trial of small calculations in our hearts.
And if you look at people with a judgmental eye, the first thing you see will be a person's shortcomings. If, in the later stages of getting along, this person fails to have a better shining point to subvert the first impression, then this person is basically scratched away in the interpersonal circle of the judge.
More often, people do not even have the opportunity to express themselves, and they are "blacklisted" by the one-sided impressions obtained by the world from "one-sided words" and "one-sided fate", and there is no longer a chance to talk, let alone the occurrence of love.
By the way, love is gone!
END
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