I am Teacher Tan, and today I and I will bring you this very core and very important topic called mobile internet addiction. In the past education process, countless parents have been seen because of their children's mobile phones and headaches. Then I think in today's current education, mobile phone Internet addiction must be a hurdle and a bend that all parents can't get around, right?
At any time, we can see that children are obsessed with mobile games because they play mobile phones, because children do not go to school, because children do not learn, and because parents are not properly educated and have various conflicts. As small as being scolded, criticized, and accused because of mobile phone games, the child confronts his parents, to the gang to study, and even to be heavily infatuated, resulting in various tragedies in the family.
What about mobile phones? Games have become a common phenomenon in the current era. That is not only for our parents, but also for the relationship between children and mobile phones, we must better understand and interpret. In order to truly lead children out of this trap of mobile phone Internet addiction. For the entire series of content of mobile Internet addiction, there are also more.
Today I mainly from the level of reasons, from the level of children's obsession with mobile phones to give you a good exchange, of course, there is a law behind, right? Some specific words, how to say, how to guide, and there are many truths behind this. For example, the mobile phone is a product of society, it is a product of the times. Then it will also lead everyone to see the truth behind this society, the truth of the standards of the times, and the truth of human nature behind children and mobile phones. There are also some very important secrets. It will be shared slowly after that.
Since mobile phones are the product of our times, the products of our society, and a part of our lives, what is it that really put down mobile phones? Did we put down our phones ourselves? We can forget to bring a mobile phone when we go out, but we can't forget to bring a mobile phone, otherwise you can't get through the subway and the scan code, right? So, what we really want is not to let the child put down the mobile phone, but to be able to be organized with the learning while the child plays with the mobile phone. Instead, you can take care of your health while playing with your phone.
First, we need to figure out where the direction is. What we really have to solve is not the problem of children playing mobile phones, but the problem of children's obsession with mobile phones, obsessed with games, this addiction, this addiction problem, enough to identify? So dear parents who love to learn, we really want to treat the symptoms. Or is it a cure? If we treat the symptoms, we can directly target the mobile phone and hide the mobile phone, right? Don't play with mobile phones, this is the symptom, he can manage for a few days.
Then what we really have to do is cure the root cause. What is the core of the cure? It is we who want to see the reasons and the truth behind the problem. We have to cut off the root of the disease, right? Solving mobile internet addiction games is the same, to understand the cause of children's obsession with mobile phones, obsessed with mobile phone internet addiction behind the truth. If you don't know the truth, even if the problem of stopping the behavior still exists, it will become more and more addictive and obsessed.
For example, many parents are very strict with their children at home, not allowing their children to play with mobile phones, or only allowing them to play for ten minutes. So when the child is at home and your parents do not allow him to play, he is only allowed to play for ten minutes, or he cannot play. You think about the child in the future, for example, when he goes to school, or is alone at home, or in an Internet café. If you think about it, maybe he will have a particularly heavy fascination with mobile phones and addiction. It seems that there is no mobile phone play at home. But this behavior of Internet addiction, this fact disappeared? No.
So that's what we're saying, if you don't know the truth, even if you stop the behavior, the problem still exists, the hidden danger still exists, the infatuation still exists, do you agree? Just like a person with a fever, in order to solve the problem of fever, we must first find the root cause behind the fever. To solve the cause of the fever, the problem of fever is not naturally eliminated? You can't say that a person has a fever, every time you give him anti-fever medicine, take anti-fever medicine to solve what superficial symptoms, it is equivalent to our new crown virus this time. Is it useful for you to take antipyretic medicine when you have a fever? Useless. Taking anti-fever drugs can only temporarily suppress some of the current symptoms, but the root of the disease has been eliminated. There is no elimination. It is equivalent to what we just said that today's core is not for mobile phones, but to solve the problem of children's obsession with mobile phones, and to solve the problem of children's addiction. Do you agree? Solving mobile internet addiction is actually the same reason.
Most parents will find a problem, they always feel that their children have problems, so they always think of using various ways and techniques to control or prevent their children from playing games. This is equivalent to a person with a fever, you only give him anti-fever medicine. If you don't solve the reasons behind children's obsession with mobile games, even if you solve the current behavior, even if you achieve good results in the moment, then the problem still exists. First of all, the first reason that causes children to become addicted to mobile phones and Internet addictions is called poor family relations, or bad family relationships.
Family relationship is the external environment of the child's life, so will this external environment affect the child's emotions, will it affect the child's psychology, will it affect the child's comfort? It will. If you don't think about solving the root cause of the disease, then the child's current fever symptoms may be treated by antipyretic drugs. But its root cause is still there, and it will continue to repeat the fever, and it will become more and more serious every time, so isn't this what our children are today? There is no gratuitous obsession with mobile phones, Internet addiction, nor unprovoked love for learning, which has a core reason behind it.
Only when we parents are really willing to sink our hearts and be willing to understand the root causes behind this, then this itself is already a thousand times more important than the problem. Then, we will lead everyone to understand what is the root cause of the disease. Why are so many families today, so many children obsessed with mobile phones, obsessed with the glory of the king. Then we summarize the root causes of these diseases, and we also hope that your family and your children can become happier and happier.
Children play with mobile phones, this is not a behavior, and a person's behavior will be affected by what, will be affected by emotions. For example, if a person is out of love, is it possible for him to smoke, is it possible to drink, is it possible that he smokes? He doesn't smoke a cigarette, he smokes a piece of loss, smokes a piece of sadness, smokes a piece of loneliness, smokes a piece of loneliness. When a person loses his job, is it possible for him to drink, and why does he go to drink. Is he drinking wine? What he drank was a loss, or a self-blame, or a guilt, or a helplessness and powerlessness.
Can a child really play this game? When family relationships are bad or bad. For example, members of the family often quarrel, and father and mother often quarrel. Mom and Grandma often quarrel, Grandpa and Grandma often quarrel, Dad and Grandpa often quarrel, Grandpa and Grandma often quarrel. Anyway, there are all kinds of quarrels in the family. If you think about it, if you are a child, how do you feel, do you feel safe?
When a child hears about such an environment, the first one will feel a deep fear. The second is that he will feel that maybe they quarrel because of me, because of my existence, because I am not good, so they quarrel, so they have a bad relationship. What would he do deeply? Self-blame, so all these emotions will eventually lead the child to have a kind of escape, escape, escape to where to go, is not to escape into the game?
Another example is the relationship discord between the parents in the family, or the unequal position of the parents, what is called position inequality. For example, dad often travels, dad goes to feed, or dad talks at home doesn't count. Mom is a strong woman at home, mom has the final say, or dad is very strong and doesn't take mom in his eyes at all. Then it is equivalent to the owner not getting the most basic treatment and respect. What does it feel like to be a child? The child's life comes from his parents, the child grows up in this environment, the child naturally hopes that his growth environment can be peaceful and harmonious.
Children naturally want their parents to have a good relationship. So he will try to save the weak side, to help the weak side. But no matter how much he helped, no matter how he saved, he was powerless to return to heaven. He has a deep feeling called powerlessness, and he finds that he can't change anything, and at the same time there is a feeling of guilt against the other side. Then all these emotions continue to accumulate in the body, want to change but powerless to return to heaven, want to get better but can not find a way out, so slowly will be called powerless, guilt.
Isn't that the end of the day an escape? Then where did he flee, and didn't the mobile phone come? For example, because of the war between the husband and wife in the family. For example, one of them always tells the other party in front of the child that the other party is bad. For example, son, you look at how your father treats me, do you think it is right or wrong. Son, you know yourself, you have to work hard, and in the future, filial piety to your mother, I can't count on anyone, I will count on you. Ever since I married into your family, you can see that you said how the people in your family treated me, and now I can only rely on you.
If you were a child, how would you feel? For example, divorce, when the divorce, the children are forced to go to the team. One of them said that if you want to follow Your Dad, you choose to follow Your Dad. After that, you don't want to see your mother, or your father says you have to choose to follow your mother, and then your father will ignore you.
If you guys are what your child feels, no matter how the child chooses, he has a sense of guilt in his heart, and he can't give up on either side. That child has conflicts in his heart, there are contradictions, he will have a sense of inferiority, a sense of guilt, such a feeling is constantly repeated, any person's innate instinct, will think about how to release these emotions, so did not find the mobile phone again? If the child releases these emotions, he does not go to find the mobile phone, he may go to smoke, he may go to drink, he may go outside to fight. He may have gone with the fox friends everywhere, and he might have gone for a tattoo.
Then this is the first core reason that leads children to become obsessed with mobile phones, leading to mobile phone addiction, called poor family relationships. Then the second causes children to become obsessed with mobile phones, and the reason for mobile phone addiction is called parent-child relationship rupture. When it comes to parent-child relationships, we have to think about a question, why do some families, although they are related by blood, are regarded as enemies?
Why are some not related by blood, they are even closer than relatives. So the parent-child relationship or your relationship with your child is divided into two sections, the first is called blood relationship, and the second is called the relationship of psychological and spiritual need satisfaction. Every child in this world, I'm not just talking about people, even animals, cats, dogs and dogs. Every child's innate instinct is to have this attachment to his parents and to be attached to this emotion, this emotion.
If the parents cannot meet the attachment projected on their parents during the child's growth process, or the psychological needs of loving and being loved, then it means that the father or the mother is not a qualified provider of healthy psychological needs, not a healthy parent. Because he has no way to meet the psychological and spiritual needs of the child.
So we often have a question that pops up, how do children always be disobedient. It's not that if a child is related to you by blood, he must listen to you. In addition to this blood relationship, there is also a very important level of parent-child relationship called the provision and satisfaction of psychological and spiritual needs, are we qualified? Well, then for the breakup of parent-child relationship, there are roughly the following forms of presentation, let's take a look at it. If there is a change, the first one below is called the parents do not have the ability to see the child. For example, in the process of growing up, whether there is any pressure in the learning life. There is no time to work very hard, there is no easy bit, there is no advantage of him. Are there any strengths, are there good motivations?
If we can't see the pressure of the child in our lives, we can't see the effort of the child. It is not easy to see the child, can not see the advantages of the child, can not see the strengths of the child, can not see the kindness of the child, and does not see the advantages of the child. When we constantly fail to see the strengths of the child, we cannot see the strengths of the child. Or when the child expects to be recognized by us, but we don't want to see it or don't want to express it. Then the basic psychological needs of the child's self-desire to be recognized by the parents are equivalent to being ignored, which is equivalent to the husband and wife. You've been nice to him, he doesn't let go of a fart, you're going to be angry. Isn't this logic the same?
The most terrible thing about intimacy is that there is no response, and that psychological need, he hopes to get the approval of his parents, but when his parents are not able to identify with him, he will become very disappointed, and what will he do after disappointment? He will be very depressed, very depressed, and after hanging his head, will not he naturally form what is called habitual disappointment, habitual helplessness? If there are smokers on the spot, or someone in the family smokes, do you think about whether a person smoking more is when, is not it a time of depression? Isn't it a time of loss? That child goes to play mobile games at this time, is not it the same as smoking?
The second reason why parent-child relationship ruptures lead to children's fascination with mobile games is called the result of excessive parental attention to children. For example, when the child finishes the exam, we usually say what few words, and whether the homework is done or not. Did you understand it today? Did you raise your hand? The teacher praised you, did you see it. What are you looking for? It's all about asking. After the child's test, what do the parents say? How about the test. Probably how much. It's not hard, there's nothing you won't do. You find it's all about. Guys, the kids took the exam for two or three hours, so nervous, so much pressure. What about people? Is the child so nervous to be nervous? Come, son, I'll pour you a cup of hot boiling water and some hot milk.
When we pay attention to people from the heart, you will find that after people care, hey, look at your state today should be not bad. At this time, the child may take the initiative to say, Mom, I told you that I should be able to get a high score today, and he may tell you himself. It's not the person you constantly care about his business and ignore him. Things, things, things are all made by people, who will do things well. People are being watched, right. After man's needs are satisfied, after man is seen, things go as they please.
The manifestation of the third rupture of the parent-child relationship comes from the single-parent family. Needless to say, single-parent families bring children such as insecurity, infection, feelings of abandonment, or insufficient affection, right? These and so on will carry a lot of internal emotions to the child, the backlog of negative emotions, then the child has to find a window to release emotions, who? cell phone.
What is the fourth cause of parent-child relationship rupture? The relationship between Dabao and Erbao, any older brother since the younger brother came out, he will have an inexplicable feeling, he found that his parents gave all the focus to the younger brother. Therefore, the younger brother will inexplicably become the one in the brother's heart called the enemy. He will feel that it is my brother who stole the love that my parents have in my heart, and it is my brother who has robbed my parents of the complete love that my parents have given me. Originally, he thought that his parents were mine, but since his brother came out, he found that everything he had been taken away by his brother, and he would naturally direct his anger to his brother.
The fifth one that causes the rupture of the parent-child relationship is called the incorrect separation, such as violent separation, what is called violent separation? For example, when a child is a child, you are busy with work, you leave the child to the grandparents to take, but the child does not want to be separated from you. But we have violently separated it, which is called violent separation. For example, if the child does not want to go to kindergarten, we parents do not really understand why the child cries and why he does not go to kindergarten. He didn't understand the reason, didn't pay attention to people, and didn't talk to the child, so he forcibly sent him to kindergarten. This is called violent separation. Have you forgotten all this past? No, the child transforms it into an emotion called a heart knot.
So for these emotions, for these knots, etc., we will slowly share them with you in the later stages. Today our focus is still on the topic of mobile phones.
The third reason that leads to children's excessive obsession with mobile phones is called too much parental control, what is called control, what is too much control? You have to do that, you can't do that, the arrangement of the child is organized, and these are called arranging and controlling the child's behavior. We've also been emphasizing that control carries child rebellion because control is directed at the behavioral level. The biggest failure of parents to educate their children is to see where they are unhappy, see where they are wrong, see where there is a problem, so they immediately and quickly want to change where.
All conflicts are not that you can't accept the other person's behavior, and then we control each other, and then the other party is not under my control, and the contradiction does not appear? Why in the past so many years we have used so many ways and methods not to allow children to play mobile phones, children not only did not put down the mobile phone, but also became more intense. We do not allow children to play mobile phones, do not allow children to play mobile phones, is not to shape the child's mobile phone into a rare product?
But the child has a greater desire for mobile phones, and once the child has access to the mobile phone, doesn't he treat it as opium? For example, many of our parents are for the good of their children, right. Make all kinds of rules for children to play with mobile phones, eh, how to play in the morning. How to play at noon, how to play in a day, when to play this, how to play for him, the arrangement for him is orderly.
But there are a few children who really come according to this rule, because there are very few children who can really stick to the end. When would we think of making rules for him? If one can control it well, it can automatically and spontaneously arrange its own study time and mobile phone time. Children who can automatically and spontaneously arrange their mobile phones, and arrange their health and other aspects. Do you need to make rules for him? You don't need to.
The moment you make the rules, the child feels a type of distrust. And the results of the facts often prove that we make rules to prove that the child, you are a child who does not follow the rules, you are not only a child who is obsessed with mobile phones, but also a child who does not follow the rules, you are also a disobedient child. You see so many labels for children, do you think children have a sense of value and strength inside? He has no sense of value and no sense of strength inside, he is confused, and when he is confused, doesn't he have to find some window to release his emotions? Isn't it just to find some place that can give you a sense of value? But the mobile phone can meet it, because the mobile phone has no one to blame it, no one to control it, no one to demand it, and at the same time can carry its own emotions.
Therefore, the problem that seems to be a mobile phone is actually a problem of children's obsession, and it is a problem of children's addiction. It seems that the problem of children's obsession with addiction is actually a problem of our parents' ability to guide their children. Do you agree? So how to land for children's obsession with mobile phones and Internet addiction? So today, for the analysis of the root causes, I will first analyze it with you here. So for the specifics of the latter, such as speaking, what about the process, right? And some of the truths behind this that we even find stunned.
For example, the truth of society and the truth of the times that we talked about at the beginning of the chapter, as well as the truth of some human nature and needs. Today's time is limited, so I will share it here. I wish everyone a good future and a good life!