How can the | help them say goodbye to this world? It took her ten years to find the answer...

"Touching her face shows that she likes me, and at this time I will tell her that I like her too, and then kiss her forehead and massage her arms." Peng Ying said that even if the physical perception ability of the dying patient is weak, there is also the instinct to distinguish love, and physical contact with temperature is the best way to express love

Hospice volunteers need to read the needs of the clients they serve, do what they can, and appease the powerless

Peng Ying will tell the story of the cicada shell to the dying patient: when the cicada decays, it will make a squeaking sound, there will be some pain, but it is also a new life. Knowing this, they are often no longer afraid of death and can leave peacefully

Wen | Yuan Huijing, a reporter for the "Lookout" news weekly, and Yao Ziyun

There is such a group of people, whose flame of life is about to be extinguished, and who are going through a stage that is completely unfamiliar and lacks experience.

Faced with an irreversible death, they are afraid but do not know who to turn to, need to be appeased but may show a rejection of love. Their pain may come from illness, fear, or not being understood.

Their present is the future we must face. This also leaves society with a series of thinking questions: How should we face death in today's equal life? How to say goodbye to this world? How to make life end with dignity?

In Guixi City, Jiangxi Province, Peng Ying, who is committed to hospice volunteer service, has spent 10 years to find the answer in her heart.

Wish: To help people say goodbye to the world

Peng Ying, 52, is the president of the Guixi Aizai Volunteer Association.

She first thought about hospice care in 2013. That year, her mother-in-law died of illness and seldom, leaving with an uneasy expression on her face. "When I was buried, I couldn't get dressed, so I took my mother-in-law's hand and kept pulling on the family routine with her, comforting her, and after a while, I was suddenly able to put it on." My family thought I had put a lot of effort into it, but I didn't. ”

Since then, Peng Ying said she has come to believe in the wonders of life and decided to do one thing – to help people say goodbye to this world.

After that, Peng Ying, who had good family conditions and did not do much housework, began a life of "serving people" in the eyes of others.

In the past 10 years, Peng Ying and her volunteer team have served a total of 121 people, each of whom has walked very peacefully, in the words of her family, "like falling asleep."

Peng Ying said that most of these service recipients have been diagnosed by modern medicine with "little time", but the body and mind are not ready to face death. When they were troubled by death, they also brought the trouble to their families who were also inexperienced, which led to the family's request for help from Peng Ying.

On March 31, Peng Ying met a rural client, a patient with advanced ovarian cancer in her 50s. After the hospital said it was unable to return, the family chose to go home for conservative treatment and hoped that Peng Ying would provide hospice care.

Peng Ying recalled that before she entered the house, she heard a noise coming from the house. After entering the house, she and her family simply said hello and went straight to her client.

Unsurprisingly, Peng Ying saw that the patient was in a state of high tension, and the two eyes that had lost their vigor were round. Through more than half an hour of limb touching and verbal reassurance, the patient's demeanor finally calmed down.

Peng Ying knows that a peaceful environment is too important for dying patients, and this requires a high degree of cooperation from family members. She then communicated with the family, using the effect of on-site reassurance and her past experience to teach the family how to make the patient comfortable in the last time.

At 23:00 on the night of April 1, the family called Peng Ying and said that the patient was dying. Peng Ying rushed to the village overnight to deliver the patient's last journey.

The more she experienced similar situations, the more Peng Ying felt: how necessary it was for professional hospice care.

Peng Ying (left) providing services to hospice recipients Courtesy of interviewees

Tip: Smile and obey

In order to better help the clients, Peng Ying spent several years studying psychology on her own and obtained a certificate as a senior mental health counselor. "The pain of the dying patient may not all come from the body, but more likely to be deep in the soul." For example, the attachment to survival, the resistance to death, the grievance of not being understood by close relatives... Various emotions meet, and the undertone is fear. ”

In Peng Ying's view, volunteers need to read the needs of service recipients, do what they can, and appease the powerless.

On March 16, the reporter followed Peng Ying to Guixi People's Hospital to serve Grandma Zhang, who was 96 years old.

Grandma Zhang is a patient with cerebral hemorrhage, and her age is no longer suitable for surgery, so she can only be treated conservatively. Grandma Zhang on the hospital bed inserted a breathing tube, and after seeing clearly that the person crouching down in front of the bed was Peng Ying, she reached out a hand and touched Peng Ying's face, and then wrapped her arms around her neck.

"Touching her face shows that she likes me, and at this time I will tell her that I like her too, and then kiss her forehead and massage her arms." Peng Ying said that even if the physical perception ability of the dying patient is weak, there is also the instinct to distinguish love, and physical contact with temperature is the best way to express love.

This was only the second time Peng Ying had seen Grandma Zhang. The reporter noticed that during the whole process, the old man had no words. Because of the disease, there are not many expressions on the face, but from the small body language, it can be seen that the old man's recognition of Peng Ying and the peace of mind that Peng Ying brings to the old man. When Peng Ying kisses her forehead, the old man will obediently close his eyes, open his mouth cooperatively when feeding milk, and peng Ying will want to hug her when he crouches on the edge of the bed...

My mind is the universe, and the universe is my mind. Peng Ying said that embracing everything with the love in her heart is the secret of her hospice service.

In the past 10 years of volunteering in hospice care, Peng Ying feels that she has two major growths.

First, the ability to serve the client is not to perceive the smell on their body. Many hospice people don't smell good, but Peng Ying can ignore these smells and soothe them through body language such as touching, touching, and kissing.

Second, there is no judgment on right and wrong of the service recipients. Peng Ying likes to replace criticism and education with praise and encouragement, because "dying patients are in a special stage of life, they need to be understood, and they must learn to meet them, recognize them, obey them, and smile and obey them." ”

Infection: The final journey is lit up by love

Peng Ying is not a "light rod commander".

In 10 years, she led a professional hospice volunteer service team with 20 members. She is part of the Always Care Volunteer Association, and more than 100 members are eager to try. "Volunteers joined voluntarily. There are people of different professions and different levels of education, self-employed, hairdressers, sisters-in-law, doctors, teachers and so on. We do this without fame and profit, that is, everyone simply works together to do a good job in hospice care. ”

Peng Ying said that she is relieved that many members are the families of hospice people she has served in the past.

Zhu Xiaohui, a volunteer born in 1990, is the youngest member of the team. In November 2019, she was first exposed to hospice care because her grandmother was seriously ill. Zhu Xiaohui has lived with her grandmother since she was a child and has deep feelings. When she saw her grandmother wailing in pain and fear of death, her heart was like a knife but she was helpless.

"At that time, I thanked President Peng so much. I saw volunteers holding Grandma in their arms, stroking her head, and staying by Her side for more than a week. Later, when Grandma left, she was calm and serene, as if she were asleep. Zhu Xiaohui said.

Since then, Zhu Xiaohui has decided to follow Peng Ying to do this meaningful thing. Today, she has done hospice services several times and no longer fears death in her heart.

Peng Ying's hospice services never hide death. "Every time I visit the client, I tell them the story of the cicada, and the process of leaving is like a cicada's shell, and when the cicada shell is molted, it will make a squeaking sound, there will be some pain, but it is also a new life." Peng Ying said that when they understand this truth, they are often no longer afraid of death and can leave peacefully.

Volunteers understand that their job is to allow the dying patient to walk the last leg of the road in peace and dignity. Giving and reaping are two-way street, and they and the dying patient illuminate each other, overcoming the darkness and fear that death brings. Especially when the dying patient is illuminated by love in the final journey of life, the kindness they exudes in return, so that the volunteer's heart is nourished and thus more determined.

Peng Ying said that every time she goes to the service, the volunteers will bring a bouquet of carnations to the service recipients. If it is a man, pick one for him to pin in his chest pocket, and if it is a woman, help her wear it on her head.

Flowers blossom and fall, and people live and die. Peng Ying feels that respecting death is reverence for the laws of nature. She wants to use the love in her heart to make more people feel warm at the end of life, and make the separation of life and death more peaceful. ■