The following is authorized by the publishing house and excerpted from the Japanese journalist Shigeo Saito's "The Evening Scene of the Burning Unfinished".
"The Late Scene of The Burning Unfinished", by Shigeo Saito, translator: Gao Lulu, Zhejiang People's Publishing House, March 2022 edition.
I don't know how many years it's been showa this year, I can't call my name, I don't know my age, I can't recognize the faces of my son and wife... It is said that such demented elderly people have reached as many as half a million in Japan.
At a time when we are accelerating into an aging society, Japan enjoys the reputation of a land of longevity on the one hand, but on the other hand, the old people here weakly continue the cruel rest of their lives.
This kind of real scene began to quietly cast a heavy shadow in the hearts of many people.
How sad it is for a person to live alone, lost and old in the dream realm.
However, the family members in charge of care are also walking on this path of old and broken life, and they have a heavy heart like an ascetic, and they are not easier than the elderly.
The person who takes up this heavy responsibility and is responsible for the care of the elderly twenty-four hours a day at home is mostly women.
Watching their best time pass by minute by minute, as daughters, as wives, they carry aging relatives, how will they spend their lives?
Shigeo Saito (1928–1999) was a Japanese journalist. Born in Tokyo, he graduated from the Faculty of Economics at Keio University. In 1952, he joined Kyodo News Agency and served as a reporter, deputy director and editorial board member of the Ministry of Social Affairs, retiring in 1988. In 1958, he won the First Japan Press Conference Award. In 1974, he won another award for the series "Ah, Prosperity". In 1983, he received the Japan Press Club Award for his long-standing journalistic activities and high reputation as a journalist. In 1984, the "Happiness in Japan" series won the Japan Press Association Award. In 1993, Iwanami Shoten published his 12-volume collection of works. Saito became famous in 1958 for reporting on the "Suga Incident". He cared for the vulnerable all his life and dared to expose the dark side of society. Saito believes that "the reality of the society in which we live cannot be accurately captured by so-called calm and objective observation alone." Journalists must cross the border into the situation of the weak, and only by thoroughly observing the world from the standpoint and perspective of the weak can we get close to the essence of the situation. We must consciously realize the fictionality of common sense such as 'neutrality, impartiality, and objectivity'."
Wives also have the "right to development"
I recorded the family lives of my three wives. Because of the need to take care of the demented elderly at home, this life is extremely difficult. No matter how much ink I write, I can't fully paint a picture of the bitterness of the whole family experience.
As I visited the field from house to house and learned more about the heavy reality within the family, I naturally thought that perhaps in the corners of the country, there are more wives wrapped up in this unspeakable life. How many people are there? It is likely that the number is staggering and beyond imagination.
So we again consulted Mr. X (a multi-person pronoun) to listen to the "silent accusations" from wives across the country and try to explore where they could get out. While taking care of the elderly, while facing their own aging, where should they go?
"Women usually have a lot of expectations for the future when they are young, and once they are over fifty years old, many people suddenly can't find their way. The face is old, the health is not as good as before, and the children are independent one by one and leave from the side. At this time, when I suddenly look back at the first half of my life, I will be coldly frightened and feel that I have done nothing, as if I have wasted my life. Moreover, in the consciousness of this generation..." The first question raised by Mr. X is the consciousness of women, like the wives in this series, when they reach the age of fifty, they may have to take care of their super-elderly demented parents, what do they think?
Stills from the movie "0.5mm".
In fact, no matter how society changes, human consciousness is always difficult to change, or it is a few steps behind the changes in society, and the parts that can be changed are extremely limited.
"The wives interviewed here are all pre-war educated people. That is to say, the education of good wives and mothers has left a heavy mark on them, and this consciousness is deeply rooted in their hearts and is difficult to overthrow. And this idea that is rooted in the heart is not so much consciousness as a complex. Even if they understand a little after rational analysis, emotionally they are still at a loss and difficult to overcome. Even if society has changed, they still live with old ideas. ”
For example, in the third case in this series, Chizuruko's uncomplaining dedication to her mother-in-law and husband is based on this idea in her heart.
And how to interpret this kind of effort? Mr. X put it this way:
"Japanese people care more about other people's eyes, other people's values, and other people's evaluations than people in other countries. Even if they have their own values in their hearts, they have found a life path that suits them, and they want to live according to their own way, but once it comes to situations that require dedication, they will still feel that this is 'dedication for themselves', because they can help them grow and reflect their own life value. For example, I hope to make my husband feel that he is a good wife, and he does not want others to see that he is a bad daughter-in-law... They constantly use other people's evaluations to regulate themselves, and when they find out that Mr. Has cheated and betrayed themselves, they don't know what to do. Originally, self-sacrifice is a superficial inconsistency in self-expression. ”
Wives who have similar ideas to Chizuru are not a minority, and they find their own life value in Mr. Joy and Mr. Success, and they are also very satisfied with this "indirect life value". Mr. X went on to say that it was Japanese companies that took advantage of their wives' helper role to grow themselves.
However, wives living in modern society should not always regard the joy of their husband as their goal, nor should they always be satisfied with tying themselves to family life. Mr. X reminded: "In fact, it is very simple to think, men can't bear to do uncreative work all the time, living a monotonous and repetitive life, and women are the same." They also have the 'right to development' and want to keep growing and improving. If they are confined to family life and forcibly deprived of their opportunities, they are actually trampling on their rights as human beings. ”
"Once women enter various social relationships, they will not only accept the evaluation of their husbands, they will be evaluated by many people, and then constantly improve themselves, so as to find the true value of their own life." Nowadays, everyone is beginning to pursue such a more humane way of life. With this as a premise, we can continue to explore the current problem of caring for the elderly with dementia. ”
At this point in the conversation with Mr. X, we began to discuss the current situation of elderly caregivers.
What is the soil of better quality in old age?
"Everyone grows up from infancy, everyone also ushers in their own old age, and aging is a fact that human beings cannot avoid. However, there are many Japanese people who have such a potential mentality, thinking that if they don't get old, they can't go without visiting the elderly. There are even people who think that it is a waste to spend money on the elderly because their economic benefits are too low..."
While Mr. X pointed out that the Japanese attitude towards aging is biased, he also revealed another problem, that is, in Japan, on the one hand, everyone thinks that aging is ugly, because the elderly do not produce value, but on the other hand, everyone seems to be very conscientious in supporting the elderly.
Data show that the United States, the United Kingdom, Denmark, Poland, Yugoslavia (Note: Yugoslavia disintegrated in 1992, but Yugoslavia still existed at the time of the writing of this book.) Compared to these five countries, the proportion of Japanese living with the elderly is the highest. From this figure, it seems inferred that Japanese people get along better with the elderly. But another data shows that when living separately from the elderly, Japanese children and the elderly have the lowest frequency of meeting. What does this mean?
Mr. X explains: "Japanese people have smaller houses, but elderly parents and children still feel that it is best not to live separately, not even 'the distance of a bowl of soup'. In foreign countries, everyone thinks that 'it is normal to live separately from the elderly', but in Japan, on the contrary, it is believed that 'living together is common sense', and the result is that they live together, but the family relationship is very twisted, and finally they still live separately. ”
On this basis, I thought of a set of survey data on the number of suicides committed by the elderly in the three years from 1976 to 1978, which was mainly promoted by the Tokyo Metropolitan Medical Institute. According to the data, the number of suicides over the age of sixty in the twenty-three districts of the capital reached 994, of which 88 were elderly people living alone, 87 were living with couples, and 18 were living with their only children, and the overwhelming majority of 628 people turned out to be the old people who seemed to be happy in the same house or even the third generation.
Many people may think that the number of elderly people living with children is already high, and the number of suicides is also normal. However, when we put the number of suicides in various living conditions into the total number of elderly people and look at the percentage, we can clearly find the problem. Among every 10,000 elderly people, 5.45 people who commit suicide live with their children and grandchildren, more than the elderly living alone (3.33 people) and the elderly living together (1.65 people).
Behind this sad data, living with the elderly but not taking care of the elderly will inevitably be accused by outsiders of filial piety. However, living in the "eyes of others" also has hidden problems. The position of the wives is not taken into account in the first place, after all, they bear the burden of caring for the elderly alone; in addition, there are also husbands who insist on going their own way, and they force them to live with the elderly.
However, the most fundamental problem is "how to accept the arrival of old age", and perhaps the attitude of the whole society to old age is the most fundamental problem that needs to be solved. In the dialogue, Mr. X referred to the situation in Sweden:
"The consensus of the Swedes is that everyone has their own life, and the elderly should also try to live independently, live on their own, go to the hospital when they are sick, and be prepared to say goodbye to the world if they are not cured." For this, the old people in Sweden can accept it calmly. Or because of this, the family relationship between the elderly and their children who live separately is more intimate, they call every day, and spend a pleasant time together in the villa during the summer vacation, which is very warm compared with the Japanese family relationship. Barely squeezed under one roof, it may end up being stiff. Swedes don't do that very often. ”
The point that cannot be ignored here is that the reason why the old people in Sweden can greet their old age so calmly is because the whole society has a solid foundation. First, Swedes have infiltrated these ideas in their children's education.
For example, in a kindergarten in Sweden, the teacher will let the children make their own snacks in the kitchen, and will use tools to disassemble toys, let the children assemble, let the children use needle and thread to make fingertip dolls, and so on. These details reflect the swedish dedication to education, from early childhood to thoroughly cultivate each person to become an "independent person".
"Start with the education of early childhood, cultivate their independence in life, and then be economically independent, and on this basis achieve spiritual independence - only by cultivating these abilities of people is the major premise for meeting the quality of old age." In the process of exercising children's independent personality, the school will also invite the elderly to the school to enjoy meals together, so that the elderly can tell the children the stories of their experiences and deepen communication with each other. Only in this way can we cultivate a common view of the elderly and life in the whole society. With such social conditions, the elderly can live independently. ”
Societies that see the elderly as "industrial waste", or even big trouble, should not be able to cultivate such soil. Wives in this kind of society take over the responsibility of caring for the elderly with dementia, and they are doomed to live in a day when there is no hope...
Stills from the movie "Cat and Grandpa".
In order to make the old age more beautiful and colorful
"According to the current development trend, the average life expectancy of Japanese people in the future is likely to exceed ninety years old. At that point, we will enter three thirty years of life. Mr. X said.
This means that before the age of thirty is the period of self-cultivation, the age of thirty to sixty is the active period, and the next thirty years is the period of harvesting the fruits of life and summarizing life.
"If in this period of summarization, everyone becomes 'big garbage', falls into a state of partial disobedience, Senile dementia, or even suicide, this is not only a personal tragedy, but also an economic burden on the whole society, which is a very negative thing."
Based on this premise, we know that although personal efforts are important, it is more critical that we need to create a better social environment so that the elderly can also be rejuvenated and live out the value of life in the last three decades.
Mr X said: "When the average life expectancy reaches the age of ninety, it is likely that a seventy-year-old child will have to take care of his ninety-year-old parents, and once both of them are in a state of need of care, only the fifty-year-old grandchildren can take on this heavy responsibility." If so, how difficult life should be for every family... Simply unimaginable. ”
What can we do if we want to create a social environment in which the elderly can live out their values in the last thirty years?
"To usher in a more quality of old age, there are actually some universal social conditions." Mr. X referred to one thing he had personally experienced. He has surveyed the background of the rural area with the highest suicide rate among the elderly in Japan in the past.
Surveys show that in the same situation, "people who do not commit suicide" have the following common characteristics: first, they continue to hold a certain position; second, they will make friends and have friends; third, they have their own beliefs, or they have their own firm outlook on life and goals.
Using this survey as a clue, we can infer that for the elderly, taking up positions and communicating with friends are important prerequisites for a vibrant old age. At the same time, this is also an effective way to prevent the increasing number of elderly patients with dementia in the elderly population. Having a goal in life in third place may be a subject that varies from person to person, but Mr. X still believes that this condition is extremely necessary for creating a better society. What specific countermeasures can we propose to this?
"The retirement age should first be extended to seventy. Look at the people around you and you will find that many sixty-year-olds are still energetic and full of vitality. Although with age, some people will suffer from memory loss, but they have richer life experience and the ability to make comprehensive judgments from a larger pattern is also stronger. Memory is a matter of leaving the computer to deal with, and the elderly should take more positions of social value. ”
Shigeo Saito's "Japanese World Phase" series ("Wives' Thoughts on autumn", "Hungry Poor People", "The Evening Scene of Burning Unfinished", "The Day of Shining for Life") book cover.
In the current situation of serious shortage of social welfare facilities and elderly care resources, these areas must continue to be enriched in order to flexibly mobilize the life of the elderly after the age of sixty and allow them to live in peace of mind.
Mr. X also mentioned that if you simply compare the number of family nurses who come to care for the paralyzed elderly, for every 100,000 people, Sweden has 900 people, while Japan has only ten people.
"Another point, I think, is also very important." Mr. X would like to point out the gender division of labour within the family. At present, the current situation in Japan is that women support heavy responsibilities such as housework and child-rearing, as well as nursing care for the elderly, but the natural right of women as human beings - "to grow and develop out of the family as a member of society" The path of life has been almost blocked. Allowing women to enter society to use their abilities and communicate with their friends is the key to women's rich and colorful old age.
Wives have difficulty breathing in the heavy life of caring for the elderly, and they are infinitely sorry for the passing of their only beautiful years. In the face of their inexplicable accusations, if we do not promote social countermeasures that have a practical effect, and then enter an aging society, perhaps men and women will fall into a helpless state together.
Written by | [Japanese] Shigeo Saito
Excerpt from | Li Yongbo
Introduction Proofreading | Chen Diyan