(Image source: Baidu Search)
I don't know, have you had this experience:
The more you want to force yourself to sleep at night, the more you can't sleep;
The more you try to fight for something, the more you are afraid that you will fail...
These always make us very frustrated, and sometimes we even doubt ourselves and feel that we are very bad. But whenever you want to change, it always backfires.
If you are like this, then you can watch Xu Slowly's "Holding the Stick Yourself" with me, in which he tells us many problems encountered in daily life through cartoons, including those I mentioned earlier.
The main thing is that he uses his knowledge of psychology to tell us how to solve problems in life.
We often say that words are healing things, and what is more healing than words is the comic image, because it is more direct to the human heart.
This is also the reason why comics have been very successful in attracting millions of readers, and through comic images, they can also provoke people to think about some human issues.
Next, let's walk into this book with our thoughts on life.
01, the past self, is also a part of life
Back when we were children, we almost all grew up with these words:
You have to be a good person for you to be valuable;
You have to strive for the first place in the exam to be meaningful;
You have to find a well-paying job after graduation to be worthy of the books you've read...
However, when we grow up, we find these things, which brings us more pressure. After all, most of us, ordinary people, can't be as good as expected.
We are not so excellent, we are not the first when we study, and our salary is not high after graduation, so are we just a failure?
Not really.
It's just that some people have been living in the expectations of others and feeling that they have nothing to do for a lifetime.
As long as we set aside other people's definitions of a good life and live out our own values, then our past is meaningful.
In the book "Holding the Stick Of Yourself", the mother who encountered "her husband cheating and the child betrayed", after bravely divorcing her husband, has been unable to let go of this matter in her heart, thinking that her husband cheated because of her failure. 、
Therefore, in her impression, her past self was so unbearable, and she also expressed this prejudice in the child, and eventually made a mess of her life.
Later, she chose to leave the environment.
In the process of volunteering, slowly, she accepted her past self, let go of stereotypes, and finally returned to her daughter's side.
As a result, life is slowly on the right track.
In fact, each of us has a past.
In that past, whether you were good, failed, or miserable, we had to learn to accept it because it was meant to be a part of our lives.
02 Accept your past self in order to start over
When it comes to "embracing our past selves," some people may ask, how long do we need to do it? What is it like for us to accept our past selves?
In the book "Holding the Stick Of Myself", the lady at the beginning of the book, when the second child is four months old, discovers that her husband has cheated.
Afterwards, the husband did not feel that he had done anything wrong, and he left the child and swept away the family's savings.
This lady chose to face this outcome positively, should fight a lawsuit, should find a job and find a job, and even gave herself a long vacation to rest.
However, after some time, she felt that she still could not let go of the matter, so she asked the counselor for help. She wondered how long it would be before she could get out.
If a person can really come out of one thing, there is no requirement of "degree" and "time".
True acceptance is that you are willing to admit your limitations from the heart and give yourself enough time and space. There is a saying that goes, "Time is the best medicine".
One day, you stop consciously telling yourself that you have to get out of it. You stop asking yourself or the people around you how long it will take to get out of it.
At that time, you can really accept yourself.
Only by truly accepting your past self can you find the strength to start again.
03 Give yourself a hug, in fact, you are not bad
On the issue of intimacy, there is not only love, but also friendship and affection. We've also found that what makes you self-doubting can sometimes be your friends or loved ones.
For example, we found that your best friend would pick out your faults in public and ask you to correct them for "good" reasons. The point is that she seems to be right, but you feel very uncomfortable.
In this friendship, you feel very unimportant. A lot of words from your friends will make you feel very bad.
This feeling of being bad also exists in the parent-child relationship of the family.
For example, the child happily said to his father, "Dad, I won the first place in painting today." ”
Dad said, "Hurry up and study, the final exam is coming." ”
The child said, "Daddy, can I draw you?" ”
Dad said: "Go and go, read books, draw what is the best, the first place in the exam will have face." ”
In such a dialogue, the child will feel that the parents have ignored his voice, ignored the content he wants to express, and he feels that he has no sense of existence.
In the long run, children will feel that if they do not take the first place, they are poor people.
In the book "Holding the Stick Of Yourself", the author mentions: "A healthy relationship is a relationship in which two people feel comfortable. ”
Therefore, in a relationship, whether it is love, friendship or affection, it should be comfortable.
We ourselves must also learn to know ourselves, accept ourselves, and like ourselves. When life makes you self-doubt, you can hug yourself and silently tell yourself: "In fact, I am not bad, the past self, has been great." The rest, take your time. ”
In this way, cheer yourself up. Give yourself the strength to go further on your own life path.
I like the author's words in the book: "Mind things, take your time." "Hopefully, each of us will slowly embrace ourselves and experience the beauty of ourselves as a being."