Do you believe that people who are superficially indifferent are actually the most gentle?
Once I did not believe, I always felt that indifference represents a person's cold heart, gentleness can reflect a person's warm heart.
But after meeting many people, I suddenly understood that it was not.
Some people's gentleness is superficial tenderness, and in the name of being good to others, they demand the enthusiasm of others.
Just like in life, there is always such a category of people.
Willing to take the initiative to help others, but the reason for helping others is to wait for the other party to help themselves.
Even sometimes, regardless of whether the other party has that ability, they will blackmail the other party to help themselves in the name of "knowing gratitude and repaying".
Because such a person, I think of a sentence on Weibo:
"In fact, gentle people are often indifferent, and enthusiastic people will appear mean."
Gentleness is the softness of a person's heart, but this softness should have a scale, and the performance of this scale is a certain degree of indifference.
Observing those in life is also easy to see that when it is both gentle and indifferent, it can really make a person attractive.
01.
Gentleness and indifference are the degrees, so that it is easy for people to get along without getting tired
Gentle people tend to have two kinds.
The first, the enthusiasm for people, makes people tired for a long time; the second, although enthusiastic, makes people feel powerless.
The second most striking feature is that they do not know how to measure when interacting with people.
For example, when a person is obviously unwilling to disclose his privacy, he has been digging into the privacy of the other party under the banner of "comparing his heart to his heart".
Or, when others don't need help, they keep harassing each other under the banner of "I just want to be good to you".
Everyone has their own inner world that they want to stick to, and there are also things they don't want to be known by others, so it is difficult to accept too much indifference.
We can't say that the gentle person is not really gentle, but we have to admit that such gentleness is actually a wrong kind of gentleness.
In the end, it is they who are bored, they are excluded, and it is they who are hidden.
The difference is that the person who can maintain a certain "indifference" when he is gentle,
This kind of indifference is actually a kind of respect for others.
Just like when I was a student, I met such a person.
She never interrogates others when they confide in others; when others want to do something, she never forcibly asks to accompany the other party.
She was always alone in the sight of others, always keeping a certain distance from her.
When I first came into contact with her, I really thought that she was a person who was indifferent to people and had no love, but after a long time of understanding, I realized that she was just unwilling to interfere in other people's lives.
In the end, it is often such a person, the most likely to be liked, because with such a person, I will not be afraid of being disturbed, nor will I have too many concerns.
Everyone has their own life to live, and the performance of respecting each other's life is not to let yourself become an overly gentle and overly enthusiastic person.
02.
Gentleness is supplemented by indifference, and one's own good is not easy to be wasted
When buying things, you often see such a situation.
Things with similar styles and materials sell for 40 yuan on small stalls and more than 100 at the counters of large shopping malls, but there is no shortage of people who are willing to go to the counter to buy.
Including many "commemorative models", "collection models", "limited editions" and so on that are not worth their own prices, there is no shortage of consumer groups.
Such a phenomenon, which in economics becomes the "Veblen effect," means that "the degree to which consumers demand a commodity increases because its list price is higher than lower." ”
Because when a commodity is sold more expensively, a person gains not only the commodity, but also the psychological satisfaction after purchasing the commodity.
Why say this phenomenon?
Suppose that a person's gentleness is a commodity, and when he shows his gentleness too often, so that others can get this gentleness without having to pay, it is not easy to be cherished like the cheap commodity.
On the contrary, when a person knows how to give a gentle price to himself, at least not to show his own goodness, his charm can be discovered by others.
Just imagine, if there are two girls, one girl is good to everyone, and everyone can talk together, and the other girl is only good to someone, only give the heart to someone, such two girls, which one is more likely to be cherished?
It is often the latter, because no one likes what they get, is a person 'cheap' good.
And many people judge whether a person's good is cheap, is to see whether she will be so good to others, whether it is easy to deliver their own good.
As the saying goes, "What is easily obtained is often not cherished." ”
No one's sincerity, really cheap, no one's gentleness, really worthless.
But sometimes, when a person's way of giving sincerity is wrong, and the way of showing gentleness is wrong, it will always appear that his sincerity and gentleness are cheap.
The best way to avoid this ending is to know how to wrap yourself in "indifference" as gentleness.
03.
Gu Long wrote in "Laughing Red Dust": "Thin affection is always a charm that girls cannot resist. ”
When he was young, the boy who could become a school grass was not necessarily good at learning, nor necessarily how gentle he was, but he often looked more cold.
Because such a boy will appear to be difficult to contact, this makes people full of fantasies.
Including girls, a girl who can become a goddess is not good to everyone and willing to communicate with everyone, but can keep a certain distance from others.
Therefore, gentleness can be, but you should always use some indifference to wrap your own tenderness, so that people can not get along tired, and will not let their own good be wasted by others.