When meeting strangers for the first time, we often choose to respect our intuition and care about whether there is an "eye rim", and it is undeniable that the first impression does play a relatively important role in getting along with people. In psychology, people's emphasis on first impressions is summarized as a "first cause phenomenon".
Nathan Lochins, a psychologist who proposed the "first cause phenomenon", believes that the first impression formed by both parties to the interaction has an important impact on their subsequent relationship. Although this "preconceived" cognition is not necessarily correct, it is the most vivid and solid judgment between the two sides when they get along, which greatly affects the process of subsequent exchanges.
As the primacy phenomenon describes, first impressions are indeed very important, but they are not necessarily accurate. In real life, we often meet such a person, the first time we meet him, it is not very pleasant, who knows that the relationship will be so close later. For some people with slow-burning personalities, their charm cannot be detected by first impression alone, because it relies too much on intuition and subjectivity.
We often say, "Like is the joy of the first sight, and love is not tired of it for a long time". The first impression is of course possible to help us gain points and help fate when we meet true love. But the gap between people, in the final analysis, still needs to be narrowed by getting along, and the "true face" of a man is often hidden in the following details of getting along.
First, see if he cares about you
Although it is necessary to find ways to "see" the true face of a man, but to examine whether a man is really worthy of love, whether he really loves you, it is far from enough to rely on the observation of the eyes, but also to listen with the ears and feel with the heart. Because the mood of really liking a person cannot be hidden, covering your mouth will come out of your eyes, and covering your eyes will come from your heart.
Some people, in order to make a good first impression, always pretend to be good, but such "false prosperity" is difficult to stand the test of time, and in the future together, they are also easy to "show the stuffing". A lot of times, likes and dislikes aren't that complicated. A look, an action, a sentence, can reflect whether this man really cares about you.
You casually say "suddenly I want to eat strawberries", and the next day you receive the freshest airborne strawberries with crystal dew on them. Sitting in the car, you wrap your clothes casually, and he immediately raises the temperature in the car, and without even waiting for you to say "it's so cold", everything is already arranged.
Compared with the first impression, a long-term relationship can see a person's sincerity.
Because only if you care about a person, you want to give the best in the world to this person, and you will care about her every move, every word and deed. I can hear her unspoken meaning, and I can also understand that her desire to say it stops.
Everyone hopes that they can get a sincere love, hope that the other party really cares about themselves, and hope that their true feelings will not be disappointed. Then, please learn to look down on the stereotype of "one side of the edge", get along with each other with your heart, and carefully taste his degree of intention.
Second, see how he gets along with you
Everyone knows the importance of "first impression", so as long as you really want to have a follow-up with each other, generally everyone will pay attention to the measure and etiquette when they first meet, try their best to make themselves look the best, and write the best start for the story.
Therefore, when we meet and deal with each other for the first time, often the other party and we will come up with the best state. This state doesn't just mean that your makeup and hair are in the most delicate form, and his crown is maintained at its neatest. Compared with external presentation, it refers more to a person's psychological state and the basic cultivation of treating people and things.
Maybe this person is usually not so gentlemanly, but because he sees this opportunity, he shows great attention. Maybe he is not good at words at all, but he still prepared a lot of topics in advance for this important date. This is of course the embodiment of their intentions, but from another point of view, drawing conclusions based on first impressions alone often affects our judgment.
The most important thing for choosing a man is to get along with him and then observe his ability to control his emotions. However, this is often difficult to understand thoroughly at the first meeting. Yes
Some people are very kind when they first meet, but when they get along, they find that he is actually irritable and sensitive. Some people find it difficult to communicate when they meet for the first time, but in fact, when they get along, they will find that he is just not good at words.
Whether a person is good or bad, whether it is worth in-depth communication, whether it is possible to want to stay together, relying only on the first impression is very unreliable, and any feeling needs to "see the real chapter" through getting along. Love at first sight is of course romantic, but the true feelings of the long stream of water can make people feel more secure.
Third, look at what are his shortcomings
When in love, it is normal to be attracted to each other's advantages, but in fact, no matter what kind of feelings, they will inevitably be swayed by each other's shortcomings. Even getting along with people is actually getting along with the shortcomings of this person. Because the degree of tolerance for shortcomings often determines the length of the relationship. When interacting with men, the advantages of the other party are just icing on the cake and sending charcoal in the snow, but the size and number of the other party's shortcomings determine whether we should continue to choose this man.
Everyone's tolerance and tolerance for shortcomings is different. Some women care about the company of men, so be the other person
When she was always absent from important moments, she would have a hard time accepting it.
And some women care about the freedom of the relationship, so when a man obstructs his dealings with others in the name of caring, it is considered to have touched her minefield. There are also women who care about the independence of personality, so they are not sensitive to men who say that they want to take better care of themselves, but in fact, they are just to satisfy machismo.
Because everyone's bottom line is different, it is very impulsive to draw conclusions based on first impressions alone.
If you want to recognize a man, you must not only look at his careful preparation, but see if you can accept his imperfect side in the accumulation of time.
Of course, looking at what shortcomings he has, it is not for us to keep an eye on the shortcomings of others to live a life, gold is not enough, no one is perfect, and too much care about the shortcomings of others will only bring negative emotions to ourselves, thus affecting the mood and the state of communication.
Looking at his shortcomings, in fact, it is only to help us see our own bottom line, so as to better understand ourselves and each other.
In the world of feelings, if you don't polish your eyes, you may make the wrong choice if you are not careful, love someone you shouldn't love, waste your years, and pay your youth by mistake. Therefore, as women, we must be more careful.
Only by letting go of the shackles of the first impression can we savor the charm of the other party in the accumulation of time, so as to see whether this man is worth it, and then "marry the opposite man on the flower palanquin".
——End
I am Mu Ying Gongzi, who can pour sour and spicy chicken soup and write bed warming stories.
If you like my text, welcome to follow me and let's meet a better version of ourselves together!