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Lu Wei
Don't let the closest companionship become a pity!
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Dad said he missed me, but unfortunately I couldn't hear it anymore...
That year's vacation, I did not go home with the same resentment as before, but went to work to earn money, such a life has long made me accustomed to it, forgetting what it feels like to be home, maybe I have never experienced it, so it is not so numb.
I still remember the year when I fell off the middle school entrance examination, the whole summer was like a layer of foggy gauze, and the family could be described as half happy and half sad. My youngest sister was admitted to a major university. I, on the other hand, became the focus of my family. Throughout the holidays, I shut myself up in some farm work, and this is also the last veil of my family and me, and no one is willing to say how to deal with this matter.
Until the colleges and universities began to open one after another, I remember very clearly, that day my mother found me at the top of the mountain, I was like a child who had done something wrong, with tears in my eyes and a buzzing in my head. I felt like I was about to suffocate at that moment, and I never felt my mother's vulnerability. And at that moment, she let go of all her strength and cried in front of me. Maybe later I wanted to understand that I never complained about her, in front of life, how could she achieve a bowl of water flat.
Later, with my mother's support, I went to vocational high school, and my father didn't say a word to me for a whole summer. At that time, I planted a seed in my heart - I want to succeed.
I thought that such a simple life would go on forever, but once when I came home during the holidays, I overheard my sister talking about the contradictions in the family, and then I realized that all the cost of my schooling was with my mother. For several days in class, I was absent-minded. Since then, I have not been as well-behaved as I used to be.
I started saving money and bought myself my first phone. I began the live broadcast life of the night and began to concentrate on the life of making money. I remember not like the year when the family asked for money, the live broadcast effect was not so good, the weekend part-time job was not very smooth, and three meals a day were always the combination of milk bread and instant noodles.
Subsequently, I went to Jiangsu Electronics Factory in the summer, and it was precisely because of this practice that my life was on the right track step by step, and the live broadcast also began to support myself, and until I graduated from high school and went to college, I never returned home.
On festive days, my family often called me to go back, and my sister discouraged me from going back to see, and I smiled every time. Everyone knows that I am doing well now, but no one knows why, I remember brushing up on a copywriter "If not so lucky, then work hard", how many times the defense let me bite my lip and insist, but I am only an eighteen-year-old child, I just want to hear his sorry!
It wasn't until March, when the news came that my father was seriously ill, that I went back once, and I felt very bitter when I saw him lying on the bed surrounded by his sisters, their eyes were anxious and I was more like looking at a person who had nothing to do with me, and I didn't take a step closer to him the whole time.
At night, I lay in bed and couldn't sleep for a long time. Remembering everything that had happened in the past, I knew the truth that year and had a fight with him despite my mother's obstruction. Because of my living expenses, he and my mother fought every five minutes, I did not want my comfort behind my mother to silently bear everything for me, I roared at him out of all my dissatisfaction, and that time I was also beaten half to death. When I woke up, I went back to school desperately, and my mother stuffed me with money, which I didn't take either.
Tears wet the pillow, and I didn't know if I was wronging myself with bitterness along the way or my long-standing resentment towards him. The holidays ended in a hurry, and I stayed for two or three days before returning home, and I never spoke to him.
Busy graduation season, every day on the way to write papers and submit resumes, let me temporarily forget about the family, but the more you want to forget the things it will always haunt you. One afternoon in June, when I received the news of my father's death, I hurried back to the entrance of the village, my legs trembling involuntarily, looking at the busy villagers, I still couldn't believe the fact that he had died, until the moment I walked into the house, the cries swept in, and I saw him lying on the ground coldly, and the tears blurred my eyes.
On the night of the vigil in the spiritual hall, I knelt beside him, and the first time I looked at him closely, I found that my father was already full of wrinkles, and the ruthlessness of the years made him no longer such a bright and beautiful person! As far back as I can remember, every time he came back, he was like a leader, after all, there were not many people who could wear suits every day in that era, I remember that every time he came back, he would bring roast chicken and a lot of delicious food, and every time he saw the envious eyes of other friends in the village, we would unconsciously straighten our waists.
But the collapse of the coal mine made him an unemployed vagrant overnight, and he tried to find a lot of work to continue to live, but it backfired, and his luck was not very good. Once working on the elevated highway, he accidentally fell down, the suppression of life made the original smooth sailing he was a little overwhelmed, he began to borrow wine day and night to pour sorrow, full of laughter and laughter at home also became lifeless, quarrels filled the whole room every day...
The pressure of life forced my mother to embark on the road of part-time work. That year, I graduated from elementary school, my four sisters were in college, and my younger siblings, my mother went out in tears, and all the responsibility for the family fell on me. Having never done housework, even the most basic food and clothing became a problem. Every night after school, I would pull my grandmother to the house to teach me to cook, because my father had never cooked, so every night I had to prepare the next day's noon meal, just started to learn to cook, the noodles were either thin or hard, and my father's temper was also very grumpy at that time. I remember at noon in the third year of junior high school, every day I was scared to enter the house, and I always came out with tears on my face. And the weekend days, it is not very easy. At that time, there were no machines to cultivate, all the farm work relied on people, and I was busy all day from morning to night, dragging my tired body and hiding in the bed and crying.
As time passed, I slowly became stronger, and my thoughts of my mother became boring. At that time, my only wish was to leave the family as soon as possible.
Going around, I left the place that made my eyes full of disappointment, and now I don't know whether I am sad or happy, looking at the dark night sky, I think its mood is the same as mine!
Until my father was buried, the whole family was in mourning, busy with these things I will go back, lying in the cabinet at night, the third sister walked in with my mother, I looked up, my heart was full of mixed feelings, it turned out that my relatives were old inadvertently. That night, my mother said a lot to me, and she took out the pictures of my father who had always kept me as a child. At that moment, the resentment of the past few years had only turned into tears.
After a few years, I also had my own child, and whenever it was late at night, I would think of my father saying that he missed me when he was seriously ill, but unfortunately I could no longer hear me...
The inadvertent changes in life, sometimes just for a moment, will miss a lot of companionship, resulting in lifelong regrets. May the Father of Heaven no longer be tormented by sickness, no longer suffer from the sins of the world!
(The author of this article is Lu Wei, a preschool education student of the Art Education Department of Qingyang Vocational and Technical College)
About author:Lv Wei, female, Han ethnicity, born in 2002 in a rural family in Huining County, Gansu Province, is currently studying in the preschool education major of the Department of Art Education of Qingyang Vocational and Technical College, loves literary creation, and publishes several essays, poems and news in online media and self-media inside and outside the province.