Finding interest is like finding someone else. Although there are likes in front of you, I always feel that I may like them more in the future; I know that I can't have the forest, but I always feel that I can find the biggest and most suitable tree in the forest by walking around.
So the behavior of the bear breaking the stick happens from time to time, and I grew up like this - in middle school, I never thought that interest can be eaten as a meal, and the two things that eat and interest must be on the opposite side, and going to college to get a good job is the right way, and on this right path, interest is like reading idle books. When I went to college, I felt that "I was not interested in my major" was the political correctness of college students at that time, and I even felt strange when I saw my classmates who were interested in my major.
In the end, the work of those years to do planning and planning, always feel that the content of the work is very unreal, often rise up "why should I stand on the opposite side of the end user to carry out labor production", "what is the value of this pile of PPT", began to doubt the meaning of work, the philosophy of life began to fall off inadvertently like dandruff, and finally slowly walked to the road of questioning the logical closed loop of their own way of survival... What happened next? I have carefully examined the words of life, nostalgia, and inadequacy, and finally have to admit that it is because I have not excavated my true self and accepted it, and even when the elders at home found out what "characteristics of my childhood can develop into interest", I once stuck my neck and did not want to be put into a condom by those characteristics, so I walked hard to the short board.
Now that I write this, I must be self-consistent again, at least not by the neck. Maybe it is in the child that I see the secret of growth and reconcile.
I don't know how many people have the same mental journey as me, when I was a child, I was afraid of "stumbling all my life", I was not convinced and even felt that I would definitely not stumble, and after I was at ease with my life, I would always think about how my children lived a life that they felt was "worth living".
In this pattern of "personal small era", but the world is "big era", how can our children get a lifetime of self-consistency.
In September last year, I started playing with handicrafts, from patchwork to wool pokes to crochet needles to mandalas to embroidery to making clothes, from solo music to the joy of taking children to enjoy, gradually unlocking my own interest in the process, and gradually understanding myself more deeply. (Just hugged a tree in the forest, not necessarily hugged to the tree of destiny, fortunately, interest is not a choice of mate, you can unlock multiple times)
I think that if we, as parents, do not have an interest unlocking process, and the child does not have a very clear talent display (most of us are such a gentle, non-heavenly Ziwei growth process), I am afraid it is quite difficult to guide the child to lead the interest out of the hole. So what is the path of interest that I experienced? Maybe it can bring some path inspiration to children.
Cast a wide net to find the bad seeds
Of course, our energy cannot allow us to cast a net on anything.
Where this net is cast is subject to primary screening. I said that I was looking for interests in handicrafts, not that my children had to choose a favorite handicraft hobby, and that any other interest could be chosen.
I recently became obsessed with handicrafts only because of decades of growing up experience to tell myself that I really don't like outdoor wind and sun activities, travel is like small towns to see the humanistic street scene, I really don't like to be the focus in the crowd, and the party also likes to be a cat lying on the wall. I know that I learned handmade things relatively quickly from a young age, whether it was origami, weaving or sewing, and I also knew that I had too much spare time in elementary school and unconsciously contributed to handicraft activities, until I was later taken away by Nintendo, and the middle school was deprived of time by the culture class, and I gradually moved away from handicrafts. I have a basic understanding of myself, and I have ruled out the things that need to overcome too many barriers (and perhaps find it fun), before trying these fun things, or hobby, at this moment.
But after all sorts of attempts, I learned a little more about myself.
For example, I used to think that I would like the kneading of paper clay color clay, I liked to look at pictures of various paper clay works, and I knew that I could do some simple child-level paper clay works [eyes will be hands], but when playing with children, I found that I only like to rub beans between my thumb and index finger on a very soft bun or dough, and I don't like to play this kind of game that will "dip my hands" in large quantities. In the same way, I don't like watercolor painting, calligraphy, carpentry, pottery, these are also popular indoor hobby projects.
On another level, although I don't like the hobby of pinching and dipping my hands, I like the soft feel. So leather goods, beads, mobile phone cases, hairpins, these hard and cold objects as objects, after playing with the baby a few times, also made me feel tasteless.
Also, I seem to like a subtle sense of control and don't like the creation of capitalization, so whether I like Japanese dramas or dry articles, I prefer to look at the world from the details (but also thanks to my college major for giving me a big picture perspective, looking, life is still balanced in the swing of left and right).
In summary, I suddenly understood why I didn't like to cook, it was both hands-on and I needed to deal with a lot of cool and hard guys, and I lacked control over the results.
Maybe you see that I am really pretentious and sensitive, looking for reasons for my lack of success. Seriously, I've never thought about hobbies from this perspective in my life. How did I ever think? For example, I feel that I like to draw fine art, I don't like dancing performances, and I judge myself from the dimension of such a big item and a whole thing. But in fact, I now think that I don't necessarily really like to draw all, but sketching learns faster than others, and the teacher likes me. Because I was not happy in the months of learning Chinese painting, and the two years of drawing comics were relatively happy, but they were not worth my happiness in playing origami, I didn't know why, didn't I like art? But during this time, I tried to be temperamental, face up to my own small sensitivities, and the logic of childhood was smooth.
You can also try it, and you will find that many of the desires of the heart are really born out of the small sensitivity of the temperament. What I like now is the same as what I liked when I was eight or nine years old. It's just that I didn't think about why I liked origami, puzzles, sewing, stick knitting, and so on.
But why is it said that bad seeds are found in the net of light? Among the things you don't want to play, it may be easier to find the projects you want to play. People are always more sensitive to what they dislike, and they often feel that they "deserve" things they like, so they feel that it is taken for granted. Therefore, excluding the bad sense of experience, the probability of the remaining seeds being able to flower is naturally high.
Look for differences in the tediousness
A few days ago, Jasmine's classmate's mother carried her own little beauty and went to the studio to help us make buns. During the chat, I saw her preparing fillings, brushing pots, and noodles, flowing like water, although there is a machine to help it, but the smooth process even if she does not like to cook like me, it looks very eye-catching next to it. So I asked her, don't you think it's annoying to prepare dishes?
"Don't bother, the washing process is very happy isn't it?" She answered me doubtfully.
I told her, "When my friend advised me to buy a small beauty to free up this pair of hands that were bothered to cook, I asked a question: Can it help me prepare vegetables automatically?" I have always regarded the preparation of vegetables as a stumbling block for cooking, although I also like the process of stir-frying out of the delicious food, and I also like the process of bun kneading, but the previous preparation work is torturing me all the time, and even I hate the process of buying vegetables. ”
My classmate's mother smiled and replied that these things are all enjoyable in her opinion, going to the market to buy fresh ingredients, coming back to deal with them clean, it is a very comfortable process.
I had an epiphany at the moment. The part that I am annoyed with is enjoyed by the lovers, and the living case of the honey of my arsenic cream is ah. We often know why we should hide from arsenic and hate it, and the unconscious and the sweetness of honey are less likely to realize why we are stuck in something.
I like to watch her jump a perfect 4A landing preparation process, but I don't want to try it; it's like I don't feel cumbersome about sorting out some cloth head accessories, and friends who don't like handicraft may even feel very irritable about purchasing. I used to think, "Oh, how can you be bothered by these beautiful cloth heads?" Aren't they beautiful? Even if they are not beautiful now, it is easy to make them beautiful.
In the tedious areas, we need to be more aware, to see into our own hearts.
At the same time, in the cumbersome place, do not feel bored, or even if you feel bored, you are willing to pay time and energy for it, probably love, like preparing vegetables and brushing pots, like sorting out the cloth, just like Wang Meng is willing to spend an hour sharpening the ice knife.
Is time wasted?
Why do we have a relatively common consensus that playing games can only be entertainment, it is not a very good thing?
It is reasonable to say that playing games and playing in the arena, ah, but also to make money, ah, why parents even if they play games themselves, most of them do not let their children play games?
I have a way of thinking about it: because playing games generally makes people feel that time is wasted.
Every time after playing the game, I need to do something meaningful, to do a bloody operation to find compensation, in order to put the guilt of "wasting time" back into my stomach. Or use both minds to reassure myself, for example, when I play with entertainment, I will listen to an online lecture at the same time to tell my brain that I am not idle.
After my observation, Jasmine also had such an operation, unconsciously. After watching cartoons for a long time, especially after brushing a lot of Vibrato red book videos, she will feel that her time is wasted by herself, but she can't stop watching, so she brushes the video and then lets herself read books, or cleans up the room to "alleviate" her waste anxiety. But if you watch cartoons in the list I suggest, you will be "at ease". The source of peace of mind is the cartoons in my film list, or I can practice English, or I can enlighten my mind, on the one hand, she feels that she has indeed learned something, on the other hand, she feels that the content that her mother allows is only presented in animation.
So I think that if we don't feel wasted, the source will be twofold.
One is public recognition, just like Jasmine thinks my cartoon list is recognized so she can watch it with peace of mind, or if you become an e-sports player, you don't feel that playing games is wasted. Think about it, when we were young, many people had to sneak in when we read Jin Yong, because it was idle books, and now reading such idle books probably no one feels wasted, because they are the cornerstone of reading that many parents recognize.
The second is the direction of their own hearts, I think that preparing dishes wastes time but friends who love food do not feel that when I was a child, I was ridiculed by my parents as a child, "You are not troublesome" Waste of time [leisure time use direction], you can examine it twice, is that my interest? This kind of heart orientation needs to be cherished.
The skill is high, and the interest naturally comes
Any high level of interest is enjoyed from the increasing level of technology, and I believe many people recognize this. I think the statement that "human cuisine is addicted" is not precise, it is human cuisine and it is addictive when it is on the way to skill improvement, it is human cuisine but it is addictive when it is in that environment and feels that the environment is easy to get.
For example, skiing, you have not been to the snow, absolutely will not produce addiction, you go to the snow field, in addition to wrestling has not stood up even when you slide out a meter, there will be no addiction, it is precisely when you feel that you are going to learn a new gliding technique, the addiction will come up.
Before learning to patchwork, I could have been ten years? Or twenty years? Neither needle nor thread was touched. I can drop the button for a year without sewing it, and finally I would rather give the buttoned clothes to someone to buy a new one, rather than sew the button or change the waistline or something. But now I am very happy to sew and transform, and I am more happy to do a particularly challenging transformation, change a zipper or something.
What factors have changed? Two elements: 1, with a simple and easy to use sewing kit system, I use it every day, and it is easy to use, sewing a button is not a matter of two minutes. before? In the past, I had to rummage through the boxes and cabinets to find the needle and thread and also had to match the color, it didn't take too long, and I couldn't find it for 5 minutes to give up this matter. 2, with a better level of skill, the concentration of interest in sewing a button in 10 minutes and sewing a button in 2 minutes is bound to be different.
An accessible environment and visible technological enhancements are catalysts for interest.
summary
Find sentimentalities, sensitivities –increase recognition of others' tediousness and one's own cumbersomeness –observe the use of unconscious and unconsciously wasted leisure time and consciously use it –create an environment for accessibility and urge the improvement of skills in matters that meet the above points.
May we all have fun in the winding paths.