The Winter Olympics are over, but there is a woman who is out of the circle, and it is really the limelight that is directly approaching the ice pier, that is, " the chief nagging commentator" Wang Meng.
I really fell in love with Wang Meng, and from her character words and deeds, I dug out a long-standing misunderstanding of raising a baby - if you want to be "popular", you can't make the child's personality too straight and sincere.
Even if you didn't catch up to watch the Winter Olympic Games, you must have been brushed by Wang Meng's famous scene...
As soon as Wang Meng explained, the referees were all set up.
The American player fouled this matter, the game is not over, the referee team has not moved, Wang Meng shouted first:
"The one in America! Did you see that?! yes? Don't see it? Right here! Show me ten times over and over again! Just see if she's on the runway! You shouldn't show up on the taxiway! ”
After she finished shouting, the referee team really announced that the American team had fouled and the Chinese team had advanced.
Wang Meng continued to explain, and Sheng Sheng forced Huang Jianxiang to become a "praiser".
Short track speed skating men's and women's 2000m mixed relay final, she "roared": "Dajing! No problem!! sprint!!! My eyes are rulers! I tell you guys definitely won!! ”
Huang Jianxiang said to be cautious: "Come, let's see the replay." Wang Meng narrowed his eyes, "Don't you believe my eyes?" ”
As a result, Wang Meng's export came true, and a generation of famous mouths Huang Jianxiang gradually became: Yes... Well...... Good...... be...... You're right about anything!
Wang Meng is really on fire, listening to her talk, it really makes people feel happy while "laughing and not living", I believe that many people are like me, especially looking forward to seeing her explanation, and also downloaded Migu for this.
After learning about Wang Meng's experience, I found that she was not performing "funny" at all, she was really straight.
In this world, there are too few people who maintain their true disposition, and the talents who express sincere expression are said to be "tigers", which highlights that Wang Meng is so "funny".
I guess Wang Meng herself didn't expect that sincerity could make her angry.
And her story also made me understand that cultivating children, adapting to society and maintaining self-related relationships.
1
'Popularity' of the three indicators
There is a theory in social psychology that a person needs to have three major elements to get good interpersonal relationships in society: talent, physical attractiveness, and sincerity.
We all hope that we and our children will be "mixed up" in society and liked by everyone, and the two elements of "talent and appearance" have always been talked about, but we often ignore "sincerity".
Think about the friends around you, there will indeed be "good looks, the ability is not bad", but there is a sense of distance, do not like; and then think about the star actors, there are indeed some so-called "no audience".
Combined with Wang Meng's story, I realized that maybe we paid too much attention to cultivating children's social skills and treating people and things decently, only forgetting the simplest but most powerful quality, sincerity.
What is "sincerity"? It is to be true to your heart and then show what you really want to the world.
This is what Wang Meng saw, she would not be deliberately modest, she would not care about the face of others, she felt unfair, she was angry; she felt that she wanted to win, she was straightforward.
It is worth reflecting on, does our daily education leave room for children to express themselves? Do we care too much about teaching our children to be "decent" and neglect the opportunity for children to express their hearts?
Of course, don't get me wrong, social rules definitely still need to be taught.
But next time, can you ask the child first, what do you think? What are your feelings? Instead of saying in a hurry first, you have to say thank you, you have to smile and nod, you have to be polite.
All social rules, especially the code of conduct under "decency", should be a natural outpouring of the child's true feelings, not the coercive requirement of "this is not obedient and ignorant".
"Rules" can be learned, but "sincerity" is something that children are born with but need to be protected. So, back to parenting, we have to do a prioritization, first take care of the "luxury".
2
Sincerity offends people?
After many people see this, they will definitely say that "sincerity" is particularly easy to offend people, and there are many examples of "lack of heart and eyes" around them.
The answer to this question was told to me by my 7 year old daughter.
Because I liked Wang Meng too much, I watched it at home.
Little D once watched her explain the women's 500m group stage with me, the first place slid 43 seconds 472 seconds, everyone wanted to applaud, did not expect Wang Meng to come to a sentence, "This speed is not fast."
You see, is it our concern? Is sincere, but typically unmodested, "can't speak."
I saw that little D was also happy on the side, so I asked her, do you see this aunt's explanation, is it particularly immodest, will it make others hate?
Little D did not answer my question directly, but asked, so will this aunt slip herself? What are her grades?
I told her that my aunt was also an athlete before, and her results were indeed faster than the first place this time.
I didn't expect Little D to say immediately, then she just said the truth, how can anyone hate her?
You see, this is the child's answer, very simple but so transparent.
So don't be afraid of "sincerity" offending people, but need to distinguish, the so-called "sincerity" is not a double standard, whether their own ability is worthy of such an evaluation.
In real life, many "speaking directly offends people" are "harsh", that is, they can't do it themselves, but they have high standards for others, and then they come back and give themselves an excuse, "I am a person who speaks straight."
In other words, the "sincere" heart is good, not to deny and suppress others, but to truly express one's own thoughts.
And true "sincerity" needs to be combined with the "ability" of the three dimensions of interpersonal relationships mentioned above.
Then for children, we can allow children to express their inner thoughts, but also through the way of asking questions, help children learn to see things in multiple dimensions.
He's loser!
Why?
Because he went to paint on behalf of our class, he lost.
Is he good at painting? Who are you better than him?
Of course he is, he was elected by us.
Then you see, you are not better than what he painted, you use the standards that you can't do to ask others, this is harsh.
I am a genius.
Where did you do so well, are you a genius?
I played very strong drums, and today Teacher Han also praised me.
Indeed, you have been studying for two years and have been working hard. But know that you, the "little genius of drumming", are only compared with your past self!
Didn't find it? In fact, for the inner evaluation that Little D casually said, I also guided and educated.
But because I have the awareness to protect her "sincerity," I don't judge from the start that it's impolite for you to say that; it's immodest for you to say that.
I accept her inner thoughts, after all, they are all true, but I help her to see other sides of judging things.
Slowly, then, she herself will adapt to the evaluation system, and more rarely, she will not say "polite words" in order to say "polite words".
3
Will sincerity be "critically attacked" by society?
When it comes to "sincerity", it is inevitable that there will be such concerns, being sincere, easy to be bullied, and being "wearing small shoes".
Those who have learned about Wang Meng's experience before retiring from retirement know that she has been punished for "direct expression", and the most serious one was directly expelled from the national team.
It can be seen that it is not unreasonable for everyone to have such concerns, which is actually my long-term trouble. But this time I wanted to understand that sincerity requires ability to complement each other.
A sincere person, who dares to show his true inner thoughts, is not afraid of external evaluation, does not care about the world's vision, but has the most shining armor to protect him from doing what he believes.
We also know the story of Wang Meng's later life, she returned to the team again, got into a good relationship with the coach, gradually entered a better situation, and repeatedly broke records.
Therefore, improving ability is always the first priority, which is not in conflict with maintaining sincerity. And the more sincere people are, the more they can eliminate the interference of those who "cater to the flattery and calculation", and the more wholeheartedly improve their abilities.
And, taking a step back, have you thought about it? Is the so-called bullying really because of "sincerity"? Won't those slippery people suffer for the rest of their lives?
At the end of the day, it's just that we've chosen a way of explaining it.
I remember that little D began to know the concept of "good guys and bad guys" after she was 4 years old, and she would cling to the big ending whether she read the story or tell her own story, and it must be "the good guys defeated the bad guys".
On the way to my 7th birthday, I told her another version of the story, the ending of that time, "The good guys didn't beat the bad guys."
Little D asked me, Mom, how can a good man lose? To be a good person is to win.
I told her that sometimes good people don't necessarily win, and we don't choose to be good people because we "will win." Be good people because it reassures us, and after peace of mind, we can do what we really want to do, instead of living in "worry" all day long.
Little D continued, but I still want the good guys to win.
D and I said, yes, Mom also wants good guys to win. So we must not only be good people ourselves, but also be capable good people, protect ourselves first, and then help other good people who are bullied.
The most important thing in education is to help children build a filter for seeing the world from an early age.
I hope that when Little D grows up to encounter ugliness and falsehood, he can have the ability to contrast and distinguish, and more firmly believe, "This is not what society should be."
I hope that when she is bullied because of "sincerity", she does not choose to think that "sincerity" is wrong, but reflects on whether her ability can be improved, to polish herself, but also to change the world.
I have always felt that education is never about looking at the present, and life is not a limited game.
If we just look at the immediate gains and losses, it is easy to utilitarianly grasp the conclusion that "this will be a loss" once or twice, and give up on protecting the most precious and easily "derogatory" qualities.
At any time, telling the truth, doing practical things, and being yourself are difficult but the right way.
Every ordinary person can be good because of the power of sincerity, and then raise the realm of life to an extraordinary height.
Thank you Wang Meng, in this winter, not only brought a wonderful explanation, but also let us see that sincerity is not stupid, but loyal to the heart, take responsibility, the purest and noblest.
Big J nagged
The Winter Olympics are over, I don't know how many you have watched, this year's Winter Olympics have brought our whole family a lot of touches, but also promoted our many family discussions.
Sometimes I really sigh that in front of "life", we actually don't know more than children, so we may as well take our children to live a good life together.
Leave a message and tell me, this Winter Olympics you are most impressed by the scene ~