On the evening of February 19, the well-known host Zhu Dan shared in the video that it was not easy for him to take care of his two children, which triggered heated discussion among netizens. As an ace host, because of having two children, she not only has to balance work and family, but also takes care of her 4-year-old sister and 1-year-old brother.
Although there is an aunt to help take care of the younger brother, the two children are only 3 years apart after all, and there is often friction. The younger brother challenged his sister from time to time, and ran early in the morning to drag his sister's hair and lie on his sister's body, so that his sister often complained to Zhu Dan: "Mother, you need to educate your brother." ”
Looking at the aggrieved sister, helpless Zhu Dan asked for help from wisdom netizens, how does the second-child family guide the baby? How to become a Water Master?
Seeing the video of my brother pulling my sister's hair, I remembered the scene when I was bullied by my brother when I was a child, and it turned out that it was not easy to be a sister!
As a second-born mother, because the second treasure is only five months old, the sisters and brothers are still harmonious, I have not experienced Zhu Dan's heart-wrenching chicken flying dog jump, but it is conceivable that next year when the younger brother is more than one year old, it is inevitable that there will be friction and disputes between the two-child family.
It is precisely because I was once a sister, so I feel more empathy for my sister at home, and I hope that she will not experience the heartache and eccentricity I experienced when I was a child, and can have doubled her happiness, rather than the bitterness of "sister will let her brother".
Don't be a water master, save enough love for Dabao's "emotional bank"
When I saw Zhu Dan asking everyone, how does the second-child family study to become a master of duanshui? My heart boiled up, and I had a thousand words to share, and I wanted to warn parents of families with many children: Don't be a water master, otherwise it will only make children more and more hostile!
Fairness is just the self-righteous standard of our parents.
For example, although my brother and I are children in the countryside, our parents do not have a decent job, but with the hard work of our parents, we all went to college and changed our fate. In my heart, I am very grateful to my parents, but I often feel that my parents prefer sons to daughters and love my brother more.
However, in the hearts of my parents, they never felt that they were eccentric, that they did not treat me and my brother equally. Especially in the backward rural areas, when girls go to school is rare, they borrow money for me to go to university and graduate school.
Are they really fair to me? What I saw was my brother crying, I didn't take care of it; my brother wanted my toys, I didn't let my brother; there were good food, and my brother chose first...
In my parents' hearts, they were fair to me and my brother, but only what they thought it was. Because in their cognition, they can desperately provide me with reading, see me, buy me clothes... It's already fair to girls.
Parents' cognition determines that we can never be fair to our children. What we see and hear is not necessarily the truth, and the needs of each child are different.
Therefore, the more parents pursue the master of water, the more they will make the child feel eccentric and hurt.
Hao Jingfang, a well-known writer, said in the article that before giving birth to a second child, he was also worried about the problem of the eldest and second eldest competing for favors in the future. But after giving birth, she found that the best way for a two-child family is not to deliberately treat the child fairly.
It's normal to play between siblings, it's a shortcut for them to learn to socialize. If we store enough love for our children's emotional banks, and their banks are wealthy, they will learn to solve problems in the midst of noise and become a loving family. If children's emotional banks are scarce, they will become hostile and distant in the fight between siblings, and the relationship between brothers and sisters will become more and more cold.
Instead of pursuing a master of water and a bowl of water, it is better to save enough love for the child's emotional bank, so that they can double their happiness in getting along and enjoy the joy and beauty of brotherhood.
So, how do we save for our children's emotional bank?
Create positive interaction opportunities and save enough love for the emotional bank
Poe Bronson and Ashley Merriman write in the book: "A lot of siblings often clash, but they spend more time together having fun in the backyard and basement, as if balancing the negative relationships that were there before." Therefore, this overall positive effect is more conducive to maintaining a good hand-sibling relationship in adulthood. On the contrary, there are some siblings, although rarely noisy, but they are very indifferent to each other, and in the long run, the relationship between them will become more and more cold and distant. ”
Therefore, in a two-child family, we should provide children with positive interaction opportunities, save enough love for their emotional bank, let them overflow with love, and love each other.
1. Encourage children to play games together
Former First Lady Michelle Obama said in her autobiography "Becoming" that her brother liked to play basketball when he was a child, and he liked to play family games alone, and his parents encouraged the two of them to go out and play together.
When my brother went out to play basketball, he took the introverted her out to play with him. When playing together, when the other children bully Michelle and get together, the brother stands up to protect her, so that the relationship between their brothers and sisters is very close. Even if they marry and start a family, they still love each other, care for each other and cheer each other up.
When they play games together, they will take care of each other, understand each other, stimulate Dabao's desire to protect, and make Xiaobao feel that he is loved, so that he can enhance brotherhood.
You may feel that children have different hobbies and cannot play games together, but as long as we want to, we will always find games to play together in family companionship. For example, in my house, dad would hold his brother who was 5 months old and hide and seek out with his sister. We can also play poker with our two kids, jigsaw puzzles together, lego together and so on.
2. Give each child a separate "special time"
I remember that in an episode of "Super Nurseryman", parenting expert Lan Hai went to the second-child family to help them, how to raise two girls. Before the nursery teacher did not come, because of the parents' wrong parenting concept, the eldest daughter Xiaomi was often hostile to her sister Nano, and the two children often jumped.
When the mother followed The advice of Teacher Lan Hai and gave Xiaomi a special time alone, something magical happened. After the sister hugged her mother and hugged her head and cried, she not only opened the door of the room where she and her mother belonged, but also allowed her sister who was crying outside the door to come in and share her mother together.
Therefore, as parents of two-child families, we can't be fair to them, but we can give each child a special time alone, let them enjoy the love of their parents in the solitude of the heart, and absorb more love for their emotional bank. Only the more and more the balance of the child's emotional bank, the richer, the child will not compete for favors, will love the second treasure in the overflow of love, and send out the excess love.
3. Help your child solve the problem, but don't easily push the fault to either party
Grab toys, grab parents' attention, disturb sisters and brothers... Disputes between siblings are the norm. They will learn to manage their emotions in quarrels, learn how to deal with contradictions... And then smoothly enter the society.
If we forbid children to quarrel, if we forbid children to argue, we deprive them of the opportunity to build themselves.
Hu Ke once talked about the second child in the show, and after the second treasure was born, she would remind her brother to let her brother. After the two children grab the toy, she will criticize her brother and come forward to help her brother, whom she thinks is weak. But the relationship between the brothers became worse and worse, and even the brother pinched her brother behind her back.
So she changed her parenting style, leaving her two children to solve the problem on their own without involving safety. In her hands-off, the two brothers slowly learned to compromise and became affectionate.
Therefore, in families with many children, we should not do the work for them and help them solve the problem, but should leave them with the opportunity to solve the problem. Even if they suffer temporary losses, they will learn to fight and compromise in getting along. When we come forward to solve, don't be biased to one side, don't pull one step on one, but listen to their feelings, put them in the same camp, let them see the advantages of brotherhood, and live in harmony.
After the child's mood is stable, we can teach the child to express his needs and feelings positively, so as to find a win-win way to get along with brothers and sisters.
Write at the end
The best gift a parent can give to a child is brotherhood. But if the parents do not handle it properly, it will only make the brotherhood change; only if the parents have a good parenting and store enough love and balance for the child's emotional bank, the child will love each other and become the dependence of the second half of the life.
Every child comes because of love, but even if we are fair, there will be favoritism and injustice in Dabao's eyes. What we can do is give our children space to learn to grow and compromise in solving problems. You tell me?