Love Death Report

Roughly speaking, there have been no updates in about five months.

Thanks to a long period of retouching and typing on the keyboard, I finally had a problem left over from history.

The shoulder pain lasted for months, causing every day to wake up in the middle of the night, so repeatedly, and even habitually. Subconsciously shrugging his shoulders, he made a "creaking" sound, like the moment he pushed open the old wooden door.

Opening his eyes from the chaos, listening to his own breathing, walking barefoot in the empty room, pulling back the curtains, and swallowing white pills in the moonlight on every sleepless night.

Leaning against the windowsill with a cup of water, the sky was like a huge blue mirror, and the moon rose slowly like a kiss, getting closer and closer, getting bigger and bigger...

Such a night is really beautiful, so beautiful that people want to cry.

Sitting on the floor, opening his palms to the moonlight, each finger slit hides a narrow hot strip, which is shrouded in countless whispers and love words, as well as the strange vitality of staying up late and drinking.

These hands, as if they had once grasped love.

At first, I looked at him, his soft black hair, the unique smell of good smell, and the reflection of all the stars into his eyes.

At that moment I was convinced that this was the person I wanted. Clearly perceive something called love that wanders through the bloodstream, like a surging river. That day, the smallest vasculature in my body was trembling for him.

We had a very good time, but it was too good to stay. I've done so many things wrong that I've been living in self-blame for today's separation.

I didn't want to miss him, I was afraid, afraid that I would be alone for a long lifetime.

Repeat the path we have walked together like a confession, over and over again, as if this would leave something behind. Countless times late at night, long paragraphs of retention messages were typed out, but deleted word by word, I could not stop him from running to a better life, and in the end it was in vain.

I saw this sentence many years ago: Those who have not cried for a long night are not enough to speak life.

Now I finally have a deep understanding:

A man dragged a sleepless iron cage up to the third floor, slipped down the stairs, and sat there crying bitterly

Sitting alone in the room, rummaging through all the fragments of memory, it was difficult to breathe as if someone had strangled his throat

Standing on the scale, the number of daily declines is frightening

……

Crying became more routine than eating and sleeping

I tried to ask my parents and friends for help, but I still chose to give up, and I had to bear the consequences if I did something wrong.

Many people sent me WeChat messages one by one, lying motionless on the bed, the flesh grew three thousand branches, growing stubbornly and hard. I indulged in this emotion, did not want to struggle, let me fall, keep falling.

He was too dazzling and dazzling in my eyes.

Until I saw those pictures, the tears fell down, the hands trembled so much that I couldn't hold the phone, and I felt the room shrinking and squeezing me dizzy.

Can't wait to rush out of the house, walk in the rain, and squat uncontrollably on the street to vomit. It turns out that when people are extremely sad, they really vomit.

I didn't know what to do, my heart was trembling, and the rain on my body made me feel warm. Keep walking, keep going forward...

The rain was pouring down on me, and it was so cold. Looking up at the sky, it was pitch black, and I looked straight ahead, as if I had seen into God's face.

Suddenly, it dawned on me that what a person can hurt is nothing more than the person who loves him, and without love, the harm is halved.

I finally didn't have to live in day-to-day self-blame, and all the beasts in my heart woke up, and the flowers bloomed.

This is the last time we harvest each other, and from then on the hatred is as deep as the sea.