Or write an article about you, with that in mind

Once upon a time, when you were in your forties. At that time, I was probably still in elementary school. After listening to my grandmother, my cousin, and my aunt tell me some of your past, I had an idea when I was still a primary school student, and I wanted to write down your life experience full of bittersweet and bittersweet. But for various reasons, it has always been just imagined in the mind.

In 2021, I began to write articles in the headlines, and I also wrote an article about you in the middle, but because I felt that I did not write deeply enough, I also felt that I was coming to Japan for a long time, and I wanted to ask you and your ninety-nine-year-old mother, my grandmother, to verify some things, so I only wrote a little bit and put the pen on hold.

However, what I did not expect was that the long way I thought of coming to Japan at the beginning has become a regret today.

More than three months ago, you who seemed to be still in a tough body suddenly fell down, with cerebral hemorrhage on both sides, I know that you are more fierce and less lucky, but you still hold a glimmer of hope, selfishly signing the operation, selfishly wanting to keep you in this world. But after all, the condition is serious, coupled with the age, you have carried the operation, but did not carry complications, lung infections, emergency ulcers, stomach bleeding, bacteremia, these complications, all of them torture you are painful. Finally, after more than ten days of suffering from illness, you still went.

Sad, I have always been reluctant to face the reality that you have left us, and whenever I think about you in my heart, I am either in tears or dazed, let alone writing about you. Until now, I still have this illusion in my heart, as if if if I don't mention it, you will not disappear from our lives, and you will still look at us somewhere with a loving smile and wait for us to come home, as before. And I, who has been escaping from reality, once did not have the courage to face all this, did not want to start, and did not know how to start writing your ordinary and hard life.

Tonight, on this rainy winter night, in the middle of the night, although it is in the south, the cold with moisture that is unique to this mountain is still filled with air, soaking, making people feel bone-chilling ice and cold, lying in the warm bed, the heat emitted by the electric blanket makes me feel a little hot and unbearable, and I finally plucked up the courage, made up my mind, and Wrote an article about you, so that I could think of it.

Father and daughter, I finally failed you, failed your expectations, very sorry not to grow up for the way you expect, but also very sorry not to cover you at the critical moment, more regret did not take a little more time to accompany you.

Father-daughter, I think I still failed you forever. Even the last pain of your life was brought to you by my wrong decision. There is no common sense of medicine, but there is no decisiveness and determination that a doctor should have, and you have endured so much pain that you can not bear, which has become an eternal pain in my heart. I should say sorry to you, although you can't hear this sorry anymore, and it won't alleviate the guilt in my heart in the slightest, but I still want to say it, because I think you will always live in my heart. So, I think I'd still have to write an article about you and keep that in mind.

Although, in this world, you are so ordinary, so ordinary, even so insignificant, but in my heart, you were my whole world, you were also my world.