Huining Liu Wei "Family Style Trivia"

Xiyan Media Huining No. 1 No. 40, 2022

Family trivia

Liu Wei

What is home style? This is a concept full of traditional Chinese cultural atmosphere and elements, although it is short of two words, it is full of the infinite power of the long inheritance of traditional Chinese culture. It is a cultural accumulation under the development of thousands of years of social history, and contains the essence of traditional Chinese culture.

The family is the smallest unit of society. As long as each family is complete and harmonious, the whole society will be harmonious. This is how the ancients paid attention to the rule of the Qi family.

No matter how the times develop and no matter how life changes, people of insight attach great importance to family building. Family style is the soul of a family and a family. The thoughts of parents determine the values of the family. The words and deeds of the parents guide the atmosphere of the whole family, and this atmosphere is the family style. Good home style has a profound impact on the next generation.

In terms of moral character, the mother is the child's first object of learning, followed by the father. Therefore, the formation of the moral character of parents and children and their dealings with the world are inseparable. The child on the outside represents not only him personally, but also his family, and even the whole family. We scold people for "fucking". Scolding "fuck" is that his mother's upbringing is not good, so there will be such a child.

Family style is a vital heirloom in Chinese society. Chinese what we want is long-term peace and stability, which is sustainable development. The family style is accumulated bit by bit and passed down from generation to generation. A good atmosphere deserves to be carefully cared for by generations to come.

People all over the world value morality, Westerners have entrusted morality to religion, they are managed by God, and our morality is the responsibility of the family. So the responsibility of parents is very important. Confucius had a saying called "Seek yourself against yourself." Anything, not complaining, not being extraordinary. You have made a big mistake, you complain about Heaven, and God will not pay any attention to you; especially people, it means that pushing the responsibility to others and to society is useless. You have to ask for yourself, there is a problem in the family, you have to constantly reflect on yourself, the family has hope of revival.

How to revitalize the family style? The first is to clarify responsibilities. Husbands have the responsibilities of husbands, wives have responsibilities of wives, sons have sons, and daughters have daughters. With joint efforts, first make a rule for your own family, and then everyone will abide by it. In the future, when we go out, we can make everyone represent this family and be an example for others. The second is mutual fulfillment. Chinese greatest virtue is fulfillment. You fulfill me, I complete you, which is determined by the close relationship and strong affection between the family. Third, don't care about others, you have no right to control others, only ask yourself to take care of yourself. Everyone manages themselves well, isn't everyone good?

Chinese's family style seeks "Chang'an". Ann is the most basic requirement. When you start to feel uneasy, you feel that there is danger everywhere. This "long" can also be "long" of "long", or it can be "constant" of "constant", without regular, how can it be long. How can you get rid of the constant for a long time? To understand from a higher level, the family style is three sentences: so-so is not sloppy; casual is not casual; confused is not confused. When it should be sloppy, it must not be sloppy, and when it should not be sloppy, it must not be sloppy. You should be confused when you should be confused, and you must not be confused when you should not be confused.

Everyone must remember not to harm everyone because of themselves, not to make themselves a black sheep, not to ruin the reputation of the family because of themselves, and not to corrupt the social atmosphere because of themselves. In a harmonious family, there is no absolute authority, only influence. If you do a good job, you can influence people up and down, and you become a valuable person, a person of high moral standing.

Everyone in the family must not only have self-respect, but also respect others. As the head of the family, if the family members all listen to him, it is not called harmony, it is called despotism; if the family members all have opinions about him, it is also an imbalance. There must be five percent opposition in a family. Parents' words cannot be the truth.

From ancient times to the present, although the texts and sentences of tutoring are different, the purpose is basically the same, all of which are aimed at the cultivation and rules that must be possessed from birth, growth to entrepreneurship, family management and various stages, including enlightenment, literacy, determination, reading, being a person, doing things, etc., cultivating respectful, pious, diligent and thrifty, humble character, knowing books and etiquette, promoting good and eliminating evil, being a responsible and caring for others, bright and frank person. Families and schools work together, and the core is to nurture people, not just instill knowledge.

As a descendant of Huaxia Yanhuang, the basic morality that must be followed in life is condensed into five words: benevolence, righteousness, etiquette, wisdom, and faith, which are called "five virtues".

The left side of the word "ren" is next to a single person, indicating the person standing; the right is "two", which means that many people must know how to handle the relationship between people; it also means heaven and earth, plus the "person" on the left is the three talents of heaven and earth, the law of heaven and earth, the nature of goodness, and the loyalty of the earth, so it is necessary to act according to the conscience of heaven and earth. People live in harmony with each other, love each other, and humble each other. Only if you are gentle, peaceful, and just, will everyone support you. The first of the five virtues is benevolence, telling us that education must first cultivate care for others, that is, emotional intelligence. People with high emotional intelligence are happy to help others, are good at handling various disputes, and can unite everyone, and such people can be managers.

What does "righteousness" mean? The original form of the word "righteousness" is a sheep above and me below. In ancient times, sheep were used to sacrifice to the heavens, and everyone gathered together to offer the sheep to the heavens, and prayed for what? Why be together? Not for the money. Material interests have never been able to unite people's hearts and minds for long. Righteousness is the principle of the world, that is, the truth recognized by everyone, such as fairness, justice, and freedom, and everyone takes this as an ideal. At the individual level, the basic principles and virtues of human conduct must be followed. That is to say, people often say that people must have a bottom line, and without a bottom line, they will become shameless. Therefore, righteousness embodies principle.

The original form of the ceremony is "禮", the left side indicates the god, and the right side represents the instrument of the ceremony. The reason why etiquette is important is that in terms of personnel relations, on major occasions, people get together, they must determine the position between each other, in order to achieve the unity of the people, otherwise they are not convinced, scattered sand, and even infighting. So etiquette is an expression of order.

Wisdom is composed of the words "knowing" and "day", and can understand the trajectory of the sun and the truth of the transformation of yin and yang, which is the most intelligent person. Therefore, wisdom contains knowledge and speculation, and expresses intelligence. Knowledge is mainly obtained by reading books, books are dead, people are alive, living people read dead books, and books must be read alive. It is necessary to integrate the knowledge learned and form the basis for one's own speculation.

The letter word consists of "person" and "word". The most basic principles of human speech are honesty, not fraud, and not reneging on words. For a person to stand firm in the world, he must be faithful in his word, honest and reliable, which is the most basic principle of position. The ancients highly respected Guan Yu, the folk called him Guan Gong, all over the country are related to the public temple, especially in commercial areas, Guan Gong is the god worshipped by merchants. Many people feel strange that Guan Gong is not in business, he is a military general, how can he evolve into the god of wealth?

If you want to ask what is the relationship between Guan Gong and the businessman, you should know what the business values most? Buying and selling is about the innocence of children, and finance is based on credit, according to which it can be seen that the essence of business is integrity. Guan Gong's touching story is a thousand miles of single riding, sincerity and faith. Integrity is the pillar of human dependence, and people have faith, like a rock. What the world praises Guan Gong is the high style and bright festival of his faithfulness with his life, while the business behavior is ostensibly an exchange of interests, and what supports it in his bones is integrity. Therefore, Guan Gong and the merchant are completely consistent in fundamental points, and even become the embodiment of Xinyi.

Chinese is about rules, and China's traditional culture not only talks about the "five virtues" but also talks about the "five luns."

Wulun refers to the five principles of interpersonal relations and words and deeds in traditional Chinese culture. That is, the ancients called the five kinds of interpersonal relationships of kings and subjects, fathers and sons, brothers, couples, and friends. Loyalty, filial piety, compassion, forbearance, and kindness are the norms of the "five lun" relationship.

Mencius believed that there is a way of courtesy and righteousness between kings and subjects, so they should be loyal; there is a order of honor and inferiority between father and son, so they should be filial; brothers and brothers are flesh and blood relatives, so they should be compassionate; husband and wife love and are different inside and outside, so they should be tolerant; friends have the virtue of integrity, so they should be good; this is the principle and code of conduct for handling ethical relations between people.

In other words, the monarch has righteousness, the father and the son have relatives, the husband and wife are different, the elder and the young are orderly, and the friends have faith.

To establish a good family style, we should work hard from three aspects. One is self-cultivation; the second is the Qi family; the third is inheritance.

First, slimming. Repair is the meaning of repair, everyone has some incorrect points, to repair him. It's like pruning a branch to make it more corrected and better.

How to slim down? The ancients said: qualities, knowledge, sincerity, righteousness. Self-cultivation begins with lattice objects. "Lattice" means to remove. "Lattice objects" is to remove and reduce people's desire for things. As people grow older, their desires will continue to increase, and the demand for the outside world seems to be endless. This is the biggest trouble in self-cultivation, and it is also the biggest obstacle to self-cultivation.

From the time of infancy, parents in the process of educating their children, try not to let him get what he wants. A child needs parents, and when parents accompany him, they are centered on him. But don't hold him too high, long-term praise for him, it is not good for him. Chinese knows that the higher you hold it, the more you fall. Parents should be kind, but not spoiled, especially not spoiled.

Man has desires. To forbid all desires is inhuman and irrational. Instead of satisfying him as much as possible, it is for him to know that happiness can only be found by learning restraint.

Zhizhi is what the ancients said about "stopping at the highest good", not to say that it is the best, but to do it more reasonably. Knowledge means that each of us has different desires, but we must control our desires within the scope of moderation and not excessive. To know is to say: I know what kind of words I can say in this situation, what kind of things I can do. So there is sincerity.

Be human, be sincere. To be honest with others is to be honest to oneself. The most sincere thing in the world is "heaven", it rains when it wants, it blows when it wants to wind, and it has never lost faith. Some people say that nature is fighting back against humans. That's an ignorant view. Now it is artificially destroying the laws of operation of nature itself, and it is also said that nature has counterattacked human beings. The Heavenly Dao is the most sincere, so people must learn from the heavens, and when we are as selfless as the heavens, then it will be "sincere". Not deceiving oneself is called sincerity, and not deceiving others is also called sincerity.

Do the first three points, and finally you can correct your mind. The ancients said that "self-cultivation is a family", and only by repairing the body can we build a family. When the family works together, it is called the Qi family.

Unity should begin with husband and wife. Nowadays, many couples are not a heart at all. Qi, need husband and wife interaction. Share weal and woe, do not envy others, do not compare with others. Just go your own way. Having money is both a good thing and a bad thing. If you have money, you can work together, and if you don't have money, you can also work together, and that is the real unity of heart. The happiness of marriage and the harmony of the family are inseparable from the concerted efforts of the husband and wife, and only the concerted efforts of the husband and wife will help the prosperity of the family business and the healthy growth of the children, which is the key to establishing a good family style. After the establishment of a good family style, it will affect future generations in the words and deeds of parents.

Once a good family style is formed, it should be passed on from generation to generation. If one of the generations relaxes, there will be a fracture and disconnection of the entire chain.

The marriage of the next generation is the responsibility of the previous generation, and now many parents say that we have no way, they do not listen to us, pay attention to free love, and the children grow up to be their own masters. In fact, this is a waiver of responsibility. If one generation relaxes a little, several generations will fail. The failure of the family is difficult to recover at once.

Where did the family style start, if it goes back to the era of Fuxi and the Yellow Emperor, it is a little too far. In fact, the family style starts from a couple. The changes in China in the past 40 years have impressed the world, and foreigners admire China's ability to govern the country. However, people all over the world have a common expectation for us, that is, after the country is rich and strong, whether the quality of the chinese people can also be improved, welcomed and studied by the people of the world, so the education of the family and the cultivation of good family style are becoming more and more important.

After the Internet invaded the family, the role of family education was greatly reduced. Infection and edification of parents is significantly reduced. Children watch TV all day long on the Internet, they are more interested in things on the Internet, they go to imitate, which is easy for children with weak identification ability to go astray. The TV of american families is set up with a card, that is to say, it is locked, the child you can not open casually, once turned on, what bad things will come out, once into the child's eyes into the brain, it is not clean.

When we don't have a television network, we educate people by watching plays and singing. When I was a child, I liked to watch plays, standing under the stage, watching the performances on the stage, what to watch? It is four words: loyalty and filial piety. What is wrong with being loyal to the country, honoring parents, having integrity, and stressing benevolence? And now there is very little of this content in the TV, thinking it is outdated, it is really a leaf blind to Tarzan.

Now there are many parents who feed their children like domestic animals, give them food, give them clothes, give them use, and give them a card when they grow up, and the children become unaffordable Ah Dou.

No matter how many sources there are in Chinese culture, no matter how many families there are, and how many different sayings there are, the final result is expressed in the word "filial piety".

The top of the filial piety word is "old", and the bottom is a "son", which means that the old man has a son below. It represents the relationship between young and old. When you think of or see your parents, you should immediately tell yourself that I didn't exist, and that recognizing this is more important than anything else. If I didn't have parents, I wouldn't even have this body, and I would talk about lofty ideals and life goals. In this way, you will feel that all the relationships under the heavens are not as deep as my family relationship with my parents.

We now talk about loving the blue sky, loving the green water, loving the flowers and plants, loving the animals, loving this and loving that. Some people love cats and dogs, but they don't love their parents and love those miscellaneous things. Even make parents angry by loving those messy things.

Buddhism says: Heaven and heaven are the only ones who are self-respecting. Meaning I am my own master. It's not that you don't listen to other people. I want to listen to the words of heaven, without heaven there is no me, but the sky is so far away, it does not speak, how to listen? Take a step back and listen to your ancestors, because without them there would be no me. The closest thing to heaven and ancestors is their parents.

Times are different, and people's minds are changing, but no generation or leader has openly said, "I can be filial to my parents."

Foreigners like to adopt Chinese children, I ask them, you will not have children yourself? They say that of course they will have children, and if they do not have children, they have no experience in raising children. I wondered why they liked to adopt Chinese children. They say: There is something in your blood that we lack, and that is filial piety to your parents. In fact, filial piety to parents is learned the day after tomorrow, not brought from the womb.

Therefore, in some countries, the children of some nationalities do not honor their parents, which is the result of their cultural influence, and do not take their shortcomings and shortcomings as advantages to learn and carry forward.

Filial piety comes first. As a descendant of Huaxia, no matter what kind of family you live in, filial piety must be passed on. Now there is a kind of person who always rejects China's traditional culture, believing that the old etiquette is outdated and abandoned, and the consequences are very bad. So we have to be culturally confident.

To understand a person's virtues, first inquire about his filial piety to his parents. Can you trust even people whose parents are disrespectful to make friends with you?

Filial piety is the relationship between two generations, if the father and son do not get along well, can you still get along well with the neighbors? Can you still get along well with your brothers and sisters? Can you still get along well with your colleagues? No way. Therefore, everything is based on filial piety first.

Filial piety is divided into three levels.

The first rank is called the Great Filial Piety. When your filial piety is carried out to the extreme, the whole family will be respected because of you. The whole society looks at Confucius's descendants differently because of Confucius's fame and contribution.

The second rank is called Zhongxiao Fufeng. Humiliation is not to insult parents. Chinese have a habit of scolding the child's parents specifically for making mistakes, so uncultured. This means that if you do something wrong, your parents will lose face and will be scolded.

So this set of Chinese designs is very good. On the one hand, we should not humiliate our parents because of our performance, and then further strive to make our parents feel honored because of our excellence.

The third level is called the lower level of energy. It is to be able to serve parents. Filial piety is a test paper that assesses the character of Chinese. Because parents take pains to take care of their children. In addition to humans in nature, many animals and plants do not have parental care. The dandelion seeds ripened, and as soon as the wind blew, they flew into the distance and fell into the soil, taking root and sprouting. After the animal is born, it is not long before it can walk, run and live. People can't do it. People must be cared for by their parents for at least ten years, otherwise it is difficult to survive. We didn't notice that as soon as the child came out of the womb, he got up, dressed, walked, and cooked. At this time, you will starve to death without parental care.

The word "people", one by one, is to rely on each other. But foreigners tell us that man should be individual and independent. When the child reaches the age of 18, he is thrown out of the house and leaves them independent. When you return home, you have to pay for food, and you have to pay for your house, which is very different from the situation in China. We are also imitating and training children to be independent, which is actually an awkward quarrel with traditional culture.

We Chinese why we should have a child, we must take care of him, in addition to the reproduction of the race, that is, there will be a dependence in the future. Otherwise, when I'm old, who will I rely on? Relying on a nursing home? Or hire someone to take care of you? According to media reports, children spent a lot of money to send their parents to a nursing home, thinking that they would enjoy senior treatment there. The real situation is the extreme abuse and insult of the caregivers. Are you willing to let your incapacitated parents live a life of humiliation?

Kindness is innate, you don't have to teach your parents, they will naturally love and care for their children, this is kindness, even hens will. The previous generation takes care of the next generation, and all the animals will. Filial piety is learned the day after tomorrow, we trace back to the source, filial piety to parents, this is the day after tomorrow step by step to learn. Since it can only be obtained through learning, parents must set an example, and it is better to teach by example than by words. How you treat your parents, the attitude your children will treat you.

Chinese pay attention to the fact that three generations are in the same house, which is not unreasonable. In a big family, how parents honor their parents, all this child will be implemented in action when they see it in their eyes and in their hearts, which is called teaching by example. You don't honor your parents, how to let your children honor you. Now many families are families of three, children can not learn how to honor the elderly, only to talk about the big truth, so that children become "verbal revolutionaries", a set of practical actions on the lips is another set. Therefore, filial piety should be implemented in action, and cannot only stay in words.

With the rapid development of the times, countless new things have been derived from all areas of people's lives, and people's lives and hearts have all undertaken unprecedented impacts, and everything seems to be saying goodbye to history. Quick success, mercenary, sloppy blindness, lack of faith, and lack of worldliness have cut through the traditional concepts that the Chinese people have deposited for thousands of years. In the face of the world, people in reality cannot help but re-reflect on the spirit of traditional culture.

How to make everyone become a bright, knowledgeable, rigorous life, tolerant and kind, lofty ideals, become a person with feelings and sentiments, and build a happy family, and then build a harmonious society. This is a solemn pursuit facing Chinese society.

No matter how much the times have changed and no matter how much the pattern of life has changed, we must attach importance to family building, pay attention to the family, pay attention to tutoring, and pay attention to family style, carry forward and expand the traditional family virtues of the Chinese nation, promote family harmony, promote the love of relatives, promote the healthy growth of the next generation, promote the elderly to support the elderly, and make thousands of families an important base point for national development, national progress, and social harmony.

About the Author

Liu Wei, male, Han ethnicity, born in 1963, Nanzhangshe, Tong'an Village, Dagou Township, Huining County, teacher, doctor, paper-cutting artist, outstanding inheritor of national intangible culture.