First of all, I would like to say goodbye to you here and wish you all good luck in the Year of the Tiger!
Because of the New Year, although there are video updates, most of them are timed works from years ago, and these days have been active in the New Year festival and have not written anything. During the period received several consultations, some have refused to push off, indeed there is no time, but now that the year has passed, today to make time to come out to see the relatively simple consultation, to make an answer.
This is an old friend who used to do consulting, and wrote two more five songs in the New Year, hoping to see what the problem is. However, his "Pingshui Rhyme/New Rhyme" is problematic, because this notation method generally means that his works are the same rhyme in the ancient rhyme and the modern rhyme, but it is obvious that "ren" belongs to the "Eleven True" part under the Pingshui rhyme, and "Wen" belongs to the "Twelve Texts" department, which can only be regarded as neighbor rhyme. There is no problem under the new rhyme, and it belongs to the "Nine Texts" department, so this first work should only be marked with "new rhyme".
There is no problem with the relationship between the two of his works, which was mentioned in the last consultation reply, because the last article involved current politics and was not published in a document. These two works are relatively clear and not so exciting, and we can analyze and see what can be improved.
"New Year" (New Rhyme)
Lingnan cold rain to, do not reduce the spring people.
The sound of artillery fighting, sniffed by the window.
This is a song that does not rhyme with a flat, and the five masterpieces of the "Nine Texts" department of the new rhyme, there is no problem in the format. Ping Shu is very standard, and the content is simple.
"Lingnan cold rain to", the first sentence of the flat up and the harvest, "仄平平仄仄", is the first word regardless of the "ping ping ping 仄仄". Although it is located in Lingnan, on the occasion of the New Year, the cold current is coming and the cold rain is gusting.
The title explains the time, this sentence explains the location and environment, and even brings a hint of emotion (cold rain).
"Do not reduce the number of people who like spring", the sentence is flat, "仄仄仄平平", as opposed to the first sentence. The content continues the previous sentence, although the freezing rain is cold, but it cannot stop the hearts of everyone to celebrate the Spring Festival.
There is nothing wrong with the meaning, even quite good, but there are logical errors, and they are very easy to correct. What is meant by "undiminished... People"? The atmosphere of rain can only be consumed by the emotions in people's hearts, and it is impossible to really reduce "people" - although everyone can understand that "no reduction ... "People" means that emotions are not reduced, but why should they be expressed in this way, so that people feel wrong?
If there is really no other word to replace, we can forgive, but can't we just replace it with "heart"?
"Do not reduce the heart of spring" - do not reduce everyone's mood for the Spring Festival and spring, this is not much more correct than the word "people"? Moreover, it also belongs to the "Nine Texts" department, which is also rhyming.
"The sound of cannon fighting", the third sentence and the second sentence are glued, and the flat servant is "仄仄平平仄". Since we write ancient poems, although we do not use the beauty of piling up ancient words, if there are suitable ancient words, do not use new words. "Cannon fight" is very colloquial, why not use the "firecracker" of "one year old in the sound of firecrackers"? Or the "firecrackers" that everyone is unified?
Look at the fourth sentence: "Smell carefully by the window", ping is "ping ping, ping" is in line with the requirements, so it is said that the whole poem is in line with the law, but from the content point of view, it seems that it is not very reasonable.
"By the window" – by the window, which is understandable. The description of "listening carefully" is problematic and is very easy to understand as "smelling carefully", even if it is understood as "slight hearing", and the situation of the "sound" of the sentence is different. Since the "sound sound" is over, it is not appropriate to describe it as "slight".
The sound of artillery shells exploded, and the sound could be faintly heard against the window—it made sense, but it didn't fit to be expressed that way.
If the word "fine" is not used to describe sound, but to describe the verb "smell", which becomes its adjective, then the subject here is no longer the "sound of cannon fighting" in the previous sentence, but there will be an omit subject- the sound of cannon fighting, and I (the poet) lean against the window to listen to these sounds carefully.
Is this explained reasonably? Does it fit the mindset of a poet who hears the sound of firecrackers?
Maybe this friend has this mentality, but it is not smooth to write out - the first is the grammar is not right, the second is the irrationality of behavior.
So the key to this sentence is to adjust to reasonable and smooth.
Why does the sound of the cannonballs make people feel "thin"? Because it is far away, and if we want to remove the misunderstanding of the word "smell" as "sniffing", we must change the "window" - because we are listening to the sound, do not use ambiguous words to misunderstand the reader. Isn't it hard to smell the gunpowder of firecrackers carefully? If we use "partition window" instead of "window", then the sense of sight and smell will leave this scene, and the word "smell" can only be interpreted as the meaning of "hearing".
"Smell from the window."
Note that the word "interval" is a sound word, but under the new rhyme, it is a flat sound, so ping 仄 is still "ping ping 仄仄平", and there will be no lonely problem of "仄平仄仄平".
Therefore, if I were to write this work, it would look like this:
Lingnan cold rain to, do not reduce the joy of spring heart.
The sound of firecrackers was heard in the distance through the window.
It seems that there is no change, this is no way to do things, after all, it has long been said that when a work is in harmony, what can be modified is a matter of opinion, if it is not a detailed analysis of why it is changed, many friends can not read anything different, and may even think that the original work is better.
This is nothing to say, the volume of the five gems is very small, and this work is originally a small poem, and there is no sustenance and sublimation.
Look at the second track.
"Cold Spring" Flat water rhyme/new rhyme
Cold rain falls in Lingnan, and the same is true for thousands of miles.
Close the doors and windows, burn the lonely red.
This is a song that does not rhyme with flatness, the "one east" part of the flat water rhyme, and the five absolute parts of the new rhyme "Eleven Geng" part, which are the same rhyme in ancient and modern rhymes, so there is no problem in labeling "flat water rhyme/new rhyme".
But in the flat relationship, there is a small mistake, this mistake, many beginners will make, this is a little bit of a mistake after learning the rules.
The first sentence "Lingnan cold rain", Ping Ping is "仄平仄平仄", is a koi flip wave, in fact, "Ping Ping Ping", the opposite sentence should be "仄仄仄平平", but the author uses "Ping Ping Ping Ping Ping", "Thousands of Miles of Heaven are the same".
Judging from the relative rules, this is obviously quite a good one: "Ping
But this is wrong.
This is obviously based on the misconception of "koi flipping" - since "Ping Ping Ping" can be translated into "Ping Ping Ping
Then regardless of the first word, there is a situation of the author: "仄平仄平仄, 平仄平仄平".
In the interval after the first song, the author sent a question, and sure enough, he thought that both places were "koi waves".
Koi flipping wave only refers to the special situation of "pingping仄仄" changing into "pingping 仄平仄", in fact, this can be attributed to the rescue within the sentence, excluding the replacement change of "仄仄仄平平".
Specifically about rescue, you can go to the chapter on rescue in the "Gelug Poetry Column (I)", which is more clear.
Completing the rescue within the sentence and not harming the other rules of the Grammatical poem is a qualified in-sentence rescue. The koi flip wave dissolves the sentence substitution through the third word pingping change, which does not affect the structure of the pair sentence, so the sentence still needs to use "仄仄仄平平" and cannot change.
But we can also see that this change is possible in couplets, why not in near-body poetry?
Because the couplet is only up and down, it is antithetical to each other, it is good to ensure that the relative is good, and the five absolute four sentences are a whole, when you lose the replacement of the sentence for the sake of the opposite, although it is opposite to the koi flipping wave of the sentence, it will inevitably affect the flatness of the two or three sentences - so that the relationship between the two or three sentences is completely chaotic.
There are only two kinds of rescue in the grammatical poem, the rescue within the sentence, completed in this sentence, does not even affect the sentence; the sentence rescue, in the non-key position of the sentence change ping shu rescue, does not affect the later verses of the flat and sticky.
In other words, no matter what happens, it must be completed in this league, and it must be ensured that the key position of the next league is not sticky, so as to be successful in rescue.
The koi flip wave is successful in the sentence, there is no need to change the sentence, and then use the self-righteous "wave flip carp koi" in the sentence, which is a wrong way to take it for granted.
In the Gelug poem, this is a substitute law, not a two-time "koi overturning wave".
Therefore, the first problem of the five absolutes is that the second sentence of "Ping Shu Ping Ping Ping
In terms of content, the meaning is also very simple, but there are too many actions when expressing it. The first two sentences are no problem, the key is that the fourth sentence "burning salary lonely red", write firewood and roast fire, write loneliness, and then write red, these things do not say that there is no connection, but it is very far-fetched - or image selection leads to logical misconduct, we can reduce unnecessary descriptions.
If you are a master, it is to make people read "lonely", not to tell you: You see this fire, red, how lonely.
At the same time, we see the third sentence "close the door and window", and some wordy, although the expression is detailed, but it is not necessary in the five-word poem, to express this state, the word "closed" or "closed window" is enough, who is still open the door in the winter? In this way we can save three words and bring the fourth sentence to the front.
We express the feeling of loneliness through the "long night" - "closing the house and grinding the long night", "grinding", delaying. It is also possible to use "elimination", spend, and consume - "closing the house and eliminating the long night".
In this way, we are relatively reduced in the fourth sentence, do not use "burning salary", because the firewood is very strong, red and lustrous, will break the overall creation of the mood, we can use the "hearth", in fact, is the same thing, but the emotion is immediately small and exquisite.
Some friends will say, I am just burning firewood, isn't this a lie - do you understand what is called art processing?
In fact, even the "hearth" is best not to use, because the "hearth", there are many people together, it is not lonely. Simply write it as a person roasting the fire - "relatively red with the stove", note that the word "and" here leads to the law of loneliness, and the third word "phase" is rescued, and the flat is "仄平平仄平".
Returning to the second sentence, "A thousand miles and the same day", the third and fourth words are restored to straighten out. "Lingnan" generally refers to two Guangzhou, right? In fact, the first thing I thought of was "a thousand miles of Chu Tiantong", but since it is two Guangdong, then "a thousand miles of Guangdong and Tiantong" - the author can also adjust himself, mainly ping shu to straighten out.
Cold rain falls in Lingnan, and thousands of miles and days are the same.
Closed for a long night, relatively red with the furnace.
This is a rhythm, the first sentence of koi turning the wave, the last sentence of the five words of lonely and difficult to save. In terms of content, three or four sentences will be very different.
In fact, there is no big problem with this friend's grammar, and he has a cognition of koi flipping waves, but he lacks the overall understanding of the relationship between the two servants, and belongs to the level of grammar learning that has entered the door and is not proficient.
However, this does not affect his writing poetry to express emotions, of course, in terms of expression, he must also learn to straighten out, reduce, and leave blank.
If you want to write the five best, you must learn to mean it outside the poem, the words in the poem are simple and clear, and the poetry is expanded and diverged outward, otherwise there is no meaning.
The above is a complex.
I wish everyone a happy new year, the year of the tiger is auspicious, the thoughts are gushing, and the next pen has a god.