Some people say that the best love story in the world is not that I love you, but that you make me the best version of myself.
Deeply believed, falling in love with someone, there are two kinds of effects, positive and negative, when you can only consume your own energy indefinitely in this relationship, it means that the other party makes you cheap.
Love is humble, but being loved is not
Many people in the process of communication, will make such a question: Does he love me? Some people say that when you ask this sentence, it already shows that he does not love you.
But for this question, my answer is: in the process of dating, if you think more "maybe he loves me", then the other party is most likely not to love you. If you think, "Does he not love me anymore," then the other party most likely loves you.
Because when you love someone, the less you are loved, the easier it is to find love, and vice versa, it is easier to deny love.
A person's liking for the opposite sex is roughly divided into three types, first, worship, once there is a sense of class in love, it will produce two situations with different personalities, gradually inferiority, and gradual self-confidence.
Second, yearning, what is missing in a person, it is extremely easy to yearn for something, for example: a person who lacks love in the original family is easy to take his partner as salvation, and urgently wants a complete home, complete love.
Third, common attraction, which is a necessary condition for the sustainable development of feelings, if you want to get along for a long time, you must first think of the same frequency.
The essential difference between the three is that the first two are more likely to have a certain ability or personality that the other person wants to achieve, and the latter is simply "compatible".
So, which kind of ta are you and which kind of ta are you? Love and no love are actually obvious, and when the other person makes you doubt that you are not good enough or even unbearable, the answer has been explained.
The meaning of love is given by people, and when a person can only see your shortcomings or even deny your strengths, it means that he does not love you much.
I once saw such a sentence: I thought I would have to trot all the way to catch up with him, but then I found that he actually slowed down and waited for me, he said, you don't have to be anyone, just be yourself.
Admittedly, cheapness is not a class or wealth gap, it is you who give everything for that person, and the other party not only takes it for granted, but also belittles your efforts.
Knowing that their love and dedication are worthless or even degraded in the eyes of others, they still desperately crash into the south wall, which is even more "cheap".
Loving someone may be humble, but being loved is not.
If you meet the wrong person, it is right to stop immediately
Not long ago, I saw a problem on Zhihu: the boyfriend who has been in love for 8 years said that he does not love me, but will marry me, this year I am 28 years old, if it is you, how will you choose?
Others, as bystanders, are more likely to blurt out the answer to the breakup. But as a person involved or a person who has had the same experience, the more you think in your heart will be: eight years, I am 28 years old, or is it ok?
The two words "make a living" obviously show that love cannot be retreated to the second place.
This idea has a lot to do with an exclusive term in economics, which is called "sunk cost", which is simply an expensed and irreparable cost, such as: money, time, energy, and so on.
If applied to feelings, it means: I have given so much and loved for so long, is it not a pity to be divided.
Only pay attention to the immediate gains and losses, for the benefit of a small part, the result will only be due to small losses, making their own life collapse as a whole.
There is a line in the movie "The Greatest Father in the World": "I thought that the worst thing in the world was to die alone." Not really, the worst part is to end up with people who make you feel lonely. ”
In fact, in the face of the "sunk cost", it is not only the answerer, but also many men and women in the marriage, who know that their husbands/wives are cheating, cold violence, and seemingly divorced, but they are still stubborn and choose to continue to settle.
What determines whether two people can continue to go on is whether they will be happy in the future, rather than calculating how much they have paid like a business.
What's more, do you have the ability to turn a loss into a profit?
The sunk cost in the wrong feeling will only be like a snowball, rolling bigger and bigger, not choosing to stop the loss in time in the early stage, and it is more difficult to get out in the later stage, and what you have to weigh is not what reason you have to break up, but what reason you have to continue with the other party.
Love and work are similar, the wrong process is called experience, can be learned in the past is called experience, do not know how to reflect on their own lessons from it is the real waste of youth.
People always ask whether it is more sad to love than to be sadder in the relationship, or to lose it after getting it. In fact, the problem is biased, these two are not the saddest, sad is that you lost yourself in this wrong relationship, and it became worse and worse.
Don't be too egotistical in marriage
Don't lose yourself in your marriage
Do you really understand the tragedy that led to the failure of a marriage?
In "Dear Myself", Zhang Zhizhi takes care of everyone in the family every day in addition to going to work, from her mother-in-law to her children, she puts all her energy into the family, but like most men in life, her husband Liu Yang did not appreciate her, but took everything she paid for granted, and even engaged in ambiguity with her subordinates.
But for his own derailment, Liu Yang not only did not reflect, but also said two extremely classic words with a straight face: "I have sacrificed my emotions, sacrificed Xiao Wei (Xiao San), returned to the family, you look at Zhang Zhizhi, or make things like this, is it all to blame me?" ”
"As a married man, I think I am worthy of this family, pretending to be grandchildren in the unit, and when I come home, I have to listen to my wife complain, and my only fault is that I am not a robot!" 」
The reason why these two sentences are classic is because there are many men in real life who think exactly like this. They blame their partners for cheating, as if they weren't at all wrong.
They attribute the disfigurement and untrimmed appearance of their wives to take care of their families and children to the reasons for their choice to betray the family and find a new love, selfish and cowardly.
Some people say that Zhang Zhizhi in "Dear Myself" is very similar to Gu Jia in "Thirty Only", but I don't think so, for Zhang Zhizhi, marriage accounts for a large part of her life, she is weak, inferior, and has no opinion.
But for Gu Jia, marriage is just the life she currently chooses, she is strong, confident, and clear about what she wants.
But it is also because of the different extreme personalities of the two people that they indirectly led to the "cheating" of their husbands. Perhaps the only thing they resemble is "motherhood and rigidity".
But as a mother or father, the most important thing you should do is let your child want to be you, not run away.
Marriage is not "egoism" and it is not "altruism". Losing yourself for fear of losing someone else is a mistake that countless women in marriage often make, too selfish, too selfless, and no matter which one of the two you mix with your personality, you will lose completely.
Good love is indeed able to be yourself with confidence, but restraint and introspection are the secrets of making feelings stable and lasting.
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