When we have not yet stepped into the palace of marriage, we will think about what kind of person we will become husband and wife with in the future, whether he is tall, handsome and golden, whether she is gentle and virtuous and beautiful, we have imagined more than once.
A hundred years of cultivation to cross the same boat, a thousand years to cultivate a common sleep, which shows that marriage is not a child's play, nor is it a very simple thing, not to say that what we want the marriage to look like, will eventually appear what it will look like.
Most of the time, the person we like and the most important person to marry will not be the same person, and this is the fate of the arrangement, not we are unwilling to change.
Maybe you don't know who you will marry in the future, in fact, it has long been "destined", don't believe it.
What kind of person you are, you will attract what kind of people
The TV series "Ode to Joy" in Andy is an executive of a company, very connotative, although not sleek enough, but never bowed, so the people close to her are either business elites such as Tan Zongming and Wei Shu, or young and promising people like Bao Yifan.
Fan Shengmei is the HR of a company, she is very beautiful, but due to the drag of the family, her desire for money has reached a peak, so the people who approach her are either a stupid boy like Qu Lianjie or a mother like Wang Bochuan.
The so-called law of attraction, that is, when one of our characteristics is concentrated in a certain field, then people with the same characteristics will be attracted, that is, what kind of people we are, what kind of people will be attracted.
Everyone hopes that they can have a satisfactory marriage, but there is a certain boundary between people, we look at the scenery on the bridge, but it is also the scenery in the eyes of others, when we ask each other to have what qualities, I am also asked.
Therefore, the person who eventually enters the marriage hall with us must be someone who is similar to us in some places.
You're good enough to match better people
When we climb a tree, we always worry that the branches will be broken by ourselves and cause ourselves to fall, but a bird standing on the tree will never worry about the branches breaking.
Because they believe not in branches, but in their own wings, they can fly when they break.
A lot of times, we think about finding a very good person.
However, when we really meet such an excellent person, whether the other party's experience, ability and social status will dwarf us and make us feel inferior, such a question, have we considered.
If a relationship cannot be evenly matched, it cannot be indistinguishable.
Then this relationship will be tired at the end, the person who is too strong will not be willing, and the person who is too weak will be tired.
What's more, marriage is an infinite trend towards reality, and if it can't be done right, it will definitely be left with nothing to say because of the gap after marriage.
Psychoanalytic psychologist Adler wrote in "Individual Psychology": "The emergence of social relations stems from the weakness of human beings, people will encounter problems that are difficult to solve, and one of the most powerful trends in human nature is to gather, and this social way of life has a huge role in overcoming individuals' feelings of inadequacy and inferiority." ”
And when we become stronger ourselves, this sense of inferiority will be infinitely close to zero under an individual way of operating.
Therefore, what kind of people we are, what kind of people will be attracted.
And when we become good enough, we attract good enough people, and our marriage sets the stage for the moment we decide to be good.
Your decision will determine your future to a certain extent
We must learn to see the driving force of our spiritual life as a kind of life force or mental strength, and then let this vitality support ourselves to choose the life we want and the marriage we want.
Some people don't know how to think independently, or even what independence means, so they can easily succumb to the authority of the family.
Just find a person to marry, find a random person to marry, and then after marriage because of the perfunctory attitude before marriage, so all the grief will surface after marriage.
The self-selection effect in psychology tells us that a person's choice determines the future life, and once a certain life path is chosen, there is inertia and self-reinforcing belief.
If we treat marriage perfunctorily, then marriage will treat us perfunctorily, and if we take marriage seriously, marriage will also take us seriously.
So, if you want to have a soul mate, if you want to have a love that feels comfortable, please strengthen your faith.
Stick to our own choices, don't go with the flow, but go against the current, so that we can harvest a beautiful love.
The End -
Author | Psychological counselor Fu Dongsheng
The main writer of love and marriage psychology | Use psychology to analyze love, marriage, and life
WeChat public account: love marriage psychology