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When we were young, we all liked to play with our brothers and sisters, and even hoped to play together every day, and we were the closest friends, at this time, you were the closest relatives and the best friends.
However, as individuals age, those brothers and sisters who were once well related will gradually become unfamiliar, and even become the biggest enemies in their own lives.
At some point, never get too close to your "dearest" siblings, or you will only gain more than you lose.
Especially when the resources in a family are very limited, the relationship between brothers and sisters will change from a relationship of relatives to a relationship of competitors, and people cannot ignore the gains and losses of interests, and interests are always testing people's nature.
In the TV series "All Is Good", a family of three children, the eldest brother can go abroad to study, enjoy the best resources in the family, but the little sister can only go to the free normal university, the resources in the family are invested in the little sister, and even back home, there is no room for the little sister to live.
What is the point of brotherhood in a home with such a severe tilt of resources? Who cares about the feelings between siblings?
For the little sister Su Mingyu in the family, the biggest obstacle to her own growth is her family, father, mother, big brother, second brother, everyone prevents her from working hard, everyone prevents her from living a better life, is it true that the emotions in the world have really been so cold? Not really.
In the process of children's growth, the feelings between each other are certainly true, but such feelings are not static, when the external environment changes, when everyone's positions and views change in many places, everyone will subconsciously choose the option to meet their own interests.
As Maugham said, "Greatness and meanness, goodness and evil, love and hatred, can coexist in a heart that is mutually exclusive." "The feelings between brothers and sisters are certainly not false, but many conflicts and contradictions are also unavoidable.
Therefore, those who are really intelligent adults will not get too close to their brothers and sisters, and they will maintain a reasonable distance from their closest relatives, neither too strange nor too close.
Because of the relationship between brothers and sisters, when the individual grows up, it is also a kind of interpersonal relationship, too close and unfamiliar, will make the relationship irreparable problems.
The famous Japanese psychologist Tsuneko Mura pointed out: "If the relationship between people wants to be maintained for a long time, there is only one way, that is, to maintain a certain distance." It also explains why we say, "Distance produces beauty." ”
Almost all psychological experiments have shown that although everyone desires an intimate relationship, it is necessary to master the "degree" in communication, only in this way can this ideal be maintained forever, and the same is true between brothers and sisters.
In addition, many brothers and sisters are the same father and mother, but the trajectory of life is very different, the economic strength, social status, life state of adulthood will also show great differences, with contrast, there will be a gap, will make the individual have a sense of gap, it will lead to people's jealousy.
Jealousy is a terrible emotion, it can even completely destroy a person's mind, and even do things that hurt their loved ones.
The famous psychologist Chad Smith wrote in the "Evolutionary Psychology of Jealousy": "In the process of human reproduction and evolution, the emotion of jealousy has promoted people's development to some extent. However, the negative significance of jealousy cannot be ignored. ”
In real life, there are too many examples that prove to us that brothers and sisters can indeed turn against each other because of mutual jealousy.
In the final analysis, whether the relationship between brothers and sisters can be harmonious and stable, the most important question is whether the distribution of resources is equal.
The so-called blood relatives of brothers and sisters are not born to love each other, and the reason why the relationship between many brothers and sisters is harmonious is because parents spend a lot of time on family education.
The famous psychologist Freud believes that the relationship between children and children is not harmonious, because their relationship is competitive from birth.
In the process of individual evolution, the resources for human survival and reproduction are limited, and one more person who shares resources with himself must mean that the resources he will enjoy will be reduced.
However, brothers and sisters are definitely not necessarily enemies, because the feelings between brothers and sisters are incomparable to other feelings, if parents can do a good job in the distribution of resources in the process of children's growth, guide children to compete benignly, can make the relationship between children harmonious and harmonious.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Vogel, D. L., & Wester, S. R. (2003). To seek help or not to seek help: The risks of self-disclosure. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 50(3), 351.