Adolescence is full of vitality, vitality, impulsiveness, and rebellion. Many parents are very depressed: they obviously pay a lot for their children's hearts and lungs, but the children are still rebellious and repulsive; they also want to calm down with their children to communicate well, but they are always unable to reconcile.
Adolescent children, rebellious and paranoid personalities, increased identification attachment, it is easy to do blind stupid things. For example, in 2005, singer Jay Chou announced during the final tour that he would not hold a solo singing in two years. This is only part of the star's own career plan, but it makes Zhou Feng, a 17-year-old fan with hemiplegia, feel desperate and swallow a lot of sleeping pills in the course of the concert to attempt suicide.
Adolescent children, the mind is not yet mature, the germination of sexual consciousness is easy for children to fall into the quagmire of early love. For example, a 10-year-old girl in Nanjing actually chose to jump from the 7th floor to kill herself, because the girl was blocked by a space obstacle when she fell, and she was still conscious when she landed, telling people around her that she did not want to live because of her emotional problems with boys. In the end, the girl died after being sent to the hospital.
Adolescent children, with poor self-control, are prone to indulging in the virtual online world to escape from reality and responsibility. For example, there was a program in "Today's Statement" about "the mother's love that was pushed downstairs", and Cui Yuan, a 15-year-old Internet addict, was dissatisfied with his mother's obstruction of him from playing online games, and he strangled his mother to death and pushed the body downstairs.
……
Perhaps when these children who have made mistakes grow up a little longer, they will regret what they did, and they will also regret how no one "pulled themselves" at that time, but everything is a foregone conclusion.
Looking at the reality, in addition to a few irresponsible parents, most parents in order to "better pull the child", are doing their best: as far as possible to create a good family atmosphere and family conditions for the child, with full love to the child to maximize the tolerance and warmth, do their best to meet the needs of the child. However, it is a pity that many families still have parent-child conflicts, and the smell of gunpowder in the home is particularly strong.
Why? In fact, if you want to reconcile with adolescent children, it is not enough to have companionship and love, parents need to arm themselves with scientific knowledge to make themselves "authoritative parents" who can really help their children, which is also the answer given to us by the famous psychologist Lawrence Steinberg in "Reconciliation with Adolescence".
<h1 class="pgc-h-decimal" data-index="01" data-track="11" >What is puberty? </h1>
Adolescence is an important period of physical development in a person's life, a transitional period between childhood and adulthood. It is the second peak period of growth and development after infancy, and the World Health Organization (WHO) stipulates that puberty is 10 to 20 years old.
But with the process of social development, the current adolescence is no longer as short as we previously understood, but began in the upper grades of primary school and did not stop until a period of time after graduating from college at the age of 25. (According to the theory of developmental psychology, a person's brain does not fully mature until the age of 25.) ）
Adolescent children, sociologically referred to as "marginalized people," are fraught with uncertainty and instability. On the one hand, with the growth of age and experience, the child's sense of autonomy continues to increase, the work is more purposeful and responsible, and the thoughts and behaviors are more independent than in childhood; but on the other hand, the child has not yet achieved complete independence, especially the material aspects still need to rely on the parents. This transition between children and adults, the uncertainty of adolescents' own status and the confusion and ignorance of the unknown world, make children at this stage particularly prone to various psychological problems and do all kinds of stupid things.
<h1 class="pgc-h-decimal" data-index="02" data-track="39" why is adolescence a weight-bearing period >? </h1>
In The Reconciliation with Adolescence, author Lawrence Steinberg divides adolescence into three stages:
Early adolescence (10-13 years)
Mid-adolescence (14-18 years)
Late adolescence and transitional adulthood (19-25 years)
But no matter which stage of adolescence it is, it is a weight-bearing period for children. When they are innocent and unrestrained, they can freely express what they think and think, and their personalities are messy; but when the child enters adolescence, he is slowly required by the teachers, parents, and society around him to "act like an adult", and they have to cope with the various changes and problems caused by the development and maturity of height, weight, muscle strength, etc., especially the sexual maturity, and must also abandon various childish, naïve ideas and behavior patterns, coupled with the heavy workload of learning, which is a great test for them The burden is really heavy.
<h1 class="pgc-h-decimal" data-index="03" data-track="38" > what kind of parents can accompany their children through puberty? </h1>
Parents with adolescent children always have a lot of questions in their minds, such as: Why do children have these behaviors? How are children's emotions affected by external environments? What behaviors do children generally use to express their inner thoughts? What should parents do at this moment to lead their children out of difficulties?
Especially when parents have conflicts with their children because of educational problems, parents are more eager to know the answer to the questions, but they often want to break their heads in vain. What to do? Philosophically speaking, looking at the essence through the phenomenon, knowing it is better to know why it is so. If you want to solve the problems of adolescent children, parents must first understand the scientific development laws of adolescents before they can use these scientific knowledge to help their children.
Many parents may not know that reconciliation with adolescence, the first thing that should be done to make efforts and changes is the parents. This is because in any relationship, once there is a problem, only the stronger party or the dominant party makes changes first, and the possibility of breaking the game will be greater, because compared with the weaker party, the dominant party will often be more mature in all aspects, and it is easier to understand and find out the problem.
And this passage is actually the advice given to us by the author of the book "Reconciliation with Adolescence". Through a classic case, this book can give parents who are confused because of their children's adolescent rebellion a psychological guide, help us resolve the misunderstanding of adolescent growth, and let children accompany your strong love support to cross one obstacle after another.
So, if your child is in adolescence, or is about to enter puberty, then I recommend you to buy this book, it will be your most worthwhile investment!
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Reconciliation with adolescence is ¥45 to buy
Hope my sharing is helpful to you! I am Takeya Mommy, a national second-level public nutritionist, a post-80s mother, willing to share parenting knowledge for you every day, communicate with you about parenting experience, like me, please pay attention to me!