True intimacy means that one partner can put down the mask and tell the other about their vulnerability

True intimacy means that one partner can put down the mask and tell the other about their own vulnerability, failure, badness, and exposure of their own shortcomings. Many things and contradictions and accusations are for overcoming, and separation is for the purpose of not separating, not to create contradictions. For separation.

Some netizens mentioned such a question, why some people are obviously very in love with each other, but often torture each other, sometimes they know that they are doing something wrong, but they still have to do it. In fact, most people who have been in love will have this experience described above. Two people are often sweet at the beginning of their love. However, when the two people got closer and closer and fell in love with each other, they felt a kind of pain of torturing each other. Knowing that what they are doing is wrong, and always uncontrollably doing something to hurt the other party, why is this so? And how to solve this problem? Let's analyze the reasons for this from a psychological point of view.

In my opinion, the reasons for this situation are as follows. The first aspect is that the closer the relationship is, the more you love each other, the more you need to be cared for. There's a good analogy where human relationships are like two hedgehogs. When two hedgehogs are close together, they will stab each other.

And always take the most fragile abdomen to face each other, and this will be stabbed more painfully.

If you want to continue to be intimate, you can only endure the pain and torture that each other brings. The above metaphor also makes some sense in the intimate relationship between the two sexes. We've all had this experience. As the relationship between two people becomes closer, the easier it is to be hurt many times. While experiencing wonderful love, you will also endure the pain caused by each other.

So do we say that this phenomenon is absolute? Can this be solved? What do we think of as intimacy? Intimacy doesn't mean that both parties are sweet and greasy together and say something love to hear. True intimacy means that one partner can put down the mask and tell the other about their vulnerability, failure, badness, and expose their flaws without always having to act shrewd and competent.

This will bring about two problems, one is that the closer the relationship, the more vulnerable it is, and the more entangled it is. At the same time, the closer the relationship, the more you care about each other, because exposing your vulnerable side to the other party will desperately want to gain a sense of security. Once we lose our sense of security, we will inevitably have the fear of being hurt, which is a kind of suffering from gain and loss.

Second, the two sides will face the unpleasantness of those who get along and the disillusionment of beautiful illusions. If we don't understand this principle, we can confuse the difference between our intimate lover and other people. So take the good qualities shown by others to compare the shortcomings exposed by intimate lovers, which will undoubtedly make themselves lost and even do things that hurt each other.

The above two points illustrate that in intimate relationships, in order to avoid hurt and torture because of intimacy, this intimacy must be based on trust and understanding, giving the other party enough security. If there is no trust and understanding as a basis, once the two reach a certain intimate relationship, it will inevitably lead to the eventual collapse of the relationship.

In the second aspect, the closer the relationship, the more often they will torture each other because of overcoming separation. When two people love each other more and more, the relationship becomes more and more intimate, there will always be one or both parties to do something to hurt each other, torture each other, which will make both parties tired and explain to each other, blame each other. In the long run, feelings are prone to become more and more disappointed and indifferent under this consumption. Here I want to tell you a truth, that is, when two people in love develop to a certain stage, a lot of things to find, contradictions, accusations are actually to overcome separation.

That is to say, they act to not separate, not to create contradictions. For separation. Like many children who cry, it's not all because their needs aren't being met. Many children are naughty and crying in order to get their mother's attention. When he feels neglected, he can only rely on naughty crying or creating some trouble to get his mother's attention and let her focus on her.

Even the root cause of the problem of scolding him is a kind of neglect from the other party. The more the two sides love each other, the more they want to be valued. When he can't feel love, can't feel the attention and care from the other party, he will do some torturous behavior like a child crying in order to attract the attention of his mother, and the fundamental reason is to overcome separation.

So when we see that the other party is always unreasonable, it is not necessarily that he does not love us, or that he deliberately finds fault, or even thinks that he wants to break up, it is likely that he feels your neglect and indifference, and even worries that you no longer love him. So they use some hurtful or contrived behaviors to attract the attention and concern of others.

When we face this situation, if we still love each other, don't rush to accuse each other, you may as well jump out and reflect on yourself, whether you really ignore each other. If it is true that both parties feel tormented by overcoming separation, we need to do something so that the other party can feel each other's love, after all, feelings also need to be managed by each other.

Conclusion: The road of intimate love is not a smooth road, we need to take it seriously, have each other in our hearts, care about each other's feelings, rather than just caring about ourselves and ignoring each other. At the same time, it is also necessary to establish mutual trust and understanding through actual language and behavior, so that both parties can have an emotional sense of security and build a comfortable relationship. What do you think?