"Every Child Needs to Be Seen"

21 "Every Child Needs to Be Seen"

Children lack an eye-self relationship, and their sense of self and inner experience are not yet separated. So they can't decide what's right for them? What fits your habits! Their emotions and thoughts cannot yet withstand such a complex situation, and they can only cope with one emotion or impulse at a time.

The !️ two of them can't see the good side of things in their predicament;

They also have no ability to reflect and can only be trapped by the experience of the moment;

If they have any thoughts in their hearts, they will immediately show them;

Because frustration and concern cannot coexist, they have no patience;

Because they can't let anger and love coexist, they don't forgive others;

Because they can't let frustration and fear coexist, they can't control their temper.

All in all, they are not yet mature.

We can observe that there are many phenomena in children that prove that they are in a positive process of growth.

For example, the desire to accomplish things independently, the desire to understand the reason for things. She is determined to be herself, to have ideas, opinions, and reasons when doing things.

She has a bold and forward vitality, a curiosity about things she is not familiar with or dislike, a desire to explore the unknown, and a strong fascination with new things.

In addition, she likes to play imaginative, creative, and satisfying single-player games. All of these signs suggest that she is going through the process of maturation (so, parents have to dispel this growth concern). The child's personality is slowly maturing, and when the time comes, it will naturally show the corresponding effect. What we need to do is for the child to wait patiently within the scope of the guidelines that do not deviate from the general direction.

Maturity is a process of its own, but not everyone is lucky enough to go through it. Maturity is like a computer system, although it is installed in advance, it is not necessarily activated. How should children start their own journey of maturity?

Personality should be independent, emotionally dependent

Every child grows up, but maturity does not necessarily occur with age. Parents should understand that we cannot teach our children to be independent individuals, nor can we train them to be true to themselves. The independence of the individual is a task of maturity, and only maturity can complete this task. !️ We can take care of the child's maturity process, provide them with a suitable environment, and clear obstacles for them, but we cannot force the child to grow up, otherwise it is to pull out the seedlings and promote growth !️

For immature children, we can tell them how to do things, what they can do and what they can't do, and we can express what we expect from them.

For example, for children who don't know what fairness is, we can teach them the concept of "taking turns"; (This is a method I often use when dealing with conflicts with children in my lessons.)

Children who do not recognize the impact of their actions can make rules and regulations to limit their behavior. However, what we can do is only to guide, children under our guidance, may appear more mature, for example, children who have learned to "take turns" will appear very polite, but in order for children to truly realize fairness from the heart, only rely on maturity. Similarly, under our education, children will know to apologize for doing wrong, but the only thing that really motivates them to take responsibility for their actions is independence. Many parents don't see this, so parenting can be a hard thing to do.

There is no substitute for true maturity and no shortcuts. We can prescribe or force children to do something, but in the end it is only their own minds that bring children to maturity. The real challenge for parents is how to help their children really mature, not just make them look like adults. This is the conundrum of parenting, but it is also an effective way to make parenting simple.

So, how can we help children mature? The answer is attachment!

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