Mourning Huang Fang
Text/Zhu Yue Binghua
(Web Photo)
Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? I asked the earth, asked the heavens, asked the vast universe, the whole world is silent, do not answer me, the silence of this world is somewhat terrible, I look around for you, but there is no news.
Did you really just walk away silently? How could it be that you are such a sunny, healthy, lively, open-minded, energetic, kind and brave, enthusiastic and elegant and gentle person.
I am looking between heaven and earth, and I can no longer find you, have you really gone to another world? This blood-weeping fact, although it makes us so sad and tearful, it is an indisputable fact.
Because of you, my university has a great start. At that time, you had a pigtail on your head, a slender figure, a white face, delicate and small features, a pair of clear and bright eyes, with a light of sincerity and kindness, as if pearls from wonderland that had never been polluted; a tall nose bridge that showed your fortitude; a cherry-like small mouth, outlining a clear outline of a perfect line. Such a perfect face, and the sunny smile on this face, brings a piece of warmth and beauty to the world.
You're gone, and what you can't take away are those good memories. You and I have the opportunity to meet in this life, bit by bit, and the years that have passed together, like the fast shots of movies, remain in the depths of my memory. In the early eighties, we met on a university campus as a teenager.
On the day of registration, after completing the enrollment procedures, I walked into the dormitory door and met you face to face, is this not the person who just helped me carry my luggage at the school gate? You enthusiastically helped me to take my luggage, and your bright smile was like a warm stream, washing away the cowardice of the unfamiliar environment when you first came, and your heart was suddenly full of warm feelings.
I found my name on the top bunk of the dorm and you said, "I'm on the bottom bunk, and if you feel it's inconvenient to climb up and down, we'll change places." "Before I could answer, you put my luggage in the window seat and helped me make the bed with my hands and feet.
Compared with the high school career of working day and night, the university life is comfortable and fulfilling, after class, the most we go to the place is the library, the small library, opened the door to the world, all kinds of ancient and modern Chinese and foreign masterpieces, sages and sages dedicated to mankind, have met us here. We raced the speed of turning the pages of the book, discussing the classics in the book, like a very hungry sponge, desperately sucking the milk of knowledge.
I am a lazy person who loves to be quiet and does not like to move, but under the leadership of you, a sports athlete who loves everything in piano, chess, calligraphy, painting and running and jumping, the table tennis room has left the footprints of our battles; the heroic posture of the horizontal bar hanging up and down is frozen in the years of youth; the original state of the lake around the city reflects the shadow of our flying.
Countless sunsets and dusks, we sat together on the smooth ground by the lake, watching the magnificence of the sun setting, watching the moonset and the moonrise, listening to the exaggerated frogs on the lakeside, and the grasshoppers singing in the grass with low eyebrows and shallow harmonies.
As a cadre of the student union, you are always enthusiastic about various public welfare undertakings, busy days, see is your running figure all day, for a poster, you will deliberate again and again, several times to change its edition, racking your brains, meditating, that meticulous and rigorous attitude, as if drawing a splendid blueprint.
Under the leadership of you, a native born in Dongguan Street, Liaocheng, I gradually got to know Liaocheng, the majestic Guangyue Tower, which traveled through hundreds of years of time and space, straddled the center of the ancient city, and was built from the need of "Yan More Leak and Peeping at the Enemy and Looking Far Away", with the overflow of "although the Yellow Crane, Yueyang should also look forward to worship". At that time, downstairs in Guangyue, there was a supply and marketing cooperative's store, and a variety of goods filled the east-west, north-south passages on the first floor. At that time, the Guangyue Tower had not yet opened to the public, and you did not know how to take me to the top of the building. Looking around, the red brick and gray tile houses, the scattered lakes, the water in the distance, the green willows, like an oil painting spread under the feet, countless plaque inscriptions, from the ancient time, with the heavy texture of history.
On the south side of the Guangyue Tower, there is a place called Haiyuan Pavilion, you say, guess what's inside? Without waiting for me to answer, you happily told me, "There are a lot of books out there!" It was a private library of Yang Yizeng, a Jinshi of the Qing Dynasty. "Together, we are fascinated, imagining the vast sea of books inside, inheriting the historical glory of the Chinese nation."
You took me on the soil of Liaocheng, looking for the thick history of this land, the prosperity of Mishi Street, the majestic atmosphere of the Shanshan Guild Hall, the church of Gothic architecture, the ancient canal that runs through the east... Every ancient hutong has a beautiful legend. The street north of Guangyue Lou is the place where General Fan Zhuxian died in battle, and the blood of the martyrs stained the land red.
Good times are always so short, and all of a sudden, college is over. In the days of waiting for the assignment, I received a letter from you, in which you told me that you were assigned to an insurance company in the provincial city, and for the new post, the words were full of expectations and hopes, and we wished each other everything smooth sailing.
In the days after stepping into society, we all worked diligently in our respective posts, got married and had children, and were busy in the "small" family, had no time to take care of others, and forgot many friendships.
Suddenly, one day, you appeared in front of me unexpectedly with all the wind and dust, after several tosses and turns. You cheerfully say, "I'll come and see you, are you doing?" ”
We talked for a long time until late at night, as if there were endless words. I know you're married, and vaguely, I see the sadness between your eyebrows, the ups and downs that don't appear in your words. You didn't say it, and I couldn't bear to ask, and with a faint hint of doubt, I sent you away, and I know that you came to see me that time.
The next encounter was that after thirteen years, I was admitted to the graduate school in the provincial city. When you came to see me for the first time, there was less of the lively and cheerful wave of the boyhood, more of the calm and dignified after adulthood, the woman who became a mother, and the feeling of going through vicissitudes was written on your face.
You tell me lightly how much you have gone through in your family, your husband, your children, your job, how you juggle between the three. What kind of mental blow did you experience at that unexpected moment?
In the years when I studied and worked in the provincial city, as long as I had time, every weekend, you would take time to see me, and many times, you took me to the house, took out your best cooking skills, improved my food for me, and cooked a full fragrance.
Time always passes quietly in the twinkle of the stars, I am going to graduate, you come to send me, we have tears in each other's eyes, and we will not let it fall, which is a reluctant farewell. After graduation, I returned to my hometown and threw myself into the wider world, you and I are workaholic, and since then, I have no time to take care of others and rush to my own future wholeheartedly.
In the days that followed, I would occasionally receive your phone greetings, choking up and stopping, the tribulations of life, the indescribable life, and the sense of silence in the fireworks. Where is the enthusiastic, brave and confident girl when she was a student?
When I got your news from other classmates again, it was such cruel news, how could this be? You quietly left this world without a sound, silently, like a grain of dust falling in the rolling red dust.
We carry the weight forward in the vanity fair of society, under the footprints, tears and sweat intersect, composing our brilliant life, only to see the long road under our feet, ignore the footprints of others, less worry and care in life. Even if you stop your hasty steps, stop and watch, and ask, "Old classmate, are you doing well?" "The footsteps that cannot be stopped take away the warmth, leaving only alienation and indifference. When you need it most, we only live in our own world, and we don't know what kind of desolation and loneliness your last time is. But this regret is eternally irreparable. May there be no more pain and suffering in heaven, and may we be friends again in the next life!
【About the author】Zhu Yue Binghua, female, Han ethnicity, MEMBER of the Communist Party of China, graduate degree, Yue Feilin is the 33rd grandson of the Family, a native of Xinxian County, Liaocheng City. He worked as a senior teacher, engaged in township work, and later worked in the discipline inspection commission system. He loves literature and has published papers, biographies, essays and other works in newspapers and magazines such as Shandong Economic Strategy Research, Liaocheng Daily, Xinxian Shixun, etc., and created works such as the novel "The Legend of Zhang Xinze" and the TV script "China's Fifth Virtuous Mother" set in the family.