It is not difficult to change yourself, but the difficulty is to go in the direction of hope

As the saying goes: three years old looks big, seven years old looks old.

In fact, is this really the case?

If you think about it, is your current self really the same as your self ten years ago? Hasn't it really changed?

Time is like a knife, and a knife carves us into the way we don't want to.

It's not hard to change ourselves, it's just that most of them are not going in the direction we want.

Haruki Murakami put it this way in "Kafka by the Sea": I believe that the so-called fate is nothing more than the final result of a person's actions caused by factors such as physical, psychological, emotional, personality, etc.

Life is made up of choices.

Every choice is affected by physical, psychological, emotional, personality and other factors, and thus changes.

There are no two identical leaves in the world, and everyone is different, because in the face of one choice after another, we each choose a different direction and choose a different answer.

It is really not difficult to change yourself, but the difficult thing is to go in the direction you want.

There is an idiom in China, called: heart ape means horse, "heart ape uncertain, intention horse galloping", saying that there is a monkey in the heart scratching and scratching, the mind of the mind like a wild horse flying around.

The heart is difficult to determine, the intention is difficult to calm, the behavior will naturally be affected, and the result will naturally not develop in the direction you want.

If you want to change yourself in the direction you want, you must achieve "the heart ape has fallen, and the intention is on its own."

It is not easy to subdue the ape, and we must pay attention to the following four aspects.

1. Trauma

Trauma can make you trapped in the past, and the demons of the heart are stacked up, and it is difficult to move forward.

Trauma can also inspire you to make great changes and growth, and if you can't defeat you, it will only make you stronger and more determined.

This is an important choice.

2. Identity narrative

In the red dust, in the human world, the future we envision, the goals we want to achieve, are easily stained with "dust" and gradually blurred.

As the saying goes: forget the original intention.

Only always diligently, constantly telling stories about yourself, based on the past, looking forward to the future.

Deeply identify with that, the self you want to be, the future self.

Identification will be a huge thrust to push yourself into the future you want.

3. Subconscious

The mind is difficult to determine, and the subconscious mind is the most important factor.

Consciousness is like an iceberg floating on the sea, most of which sinks underwater.

The part underwater is the subconscious.

Like icebergs, the part that determines the direction of the iceberg is not the part above the water, but the part below the water.

The subconscious mind can be corrected little by little through the following three steps:

The first step is to go behind the idea and find the part you want to change

For example, if someone is socially afraid, in a place with many people, they will be helpless and unnatural. Fear of parties, dinners, face-to-face chats....

On the surface, it is that this person is too introverted and not used to being in a crowded place.

In fact, they may be passively anxious, and they may hold the unreasonable belief that they will definitely be ugly and others will definitely make negative evaluations of themselves.

The second step is to find the result after the corresponding change

Or the example above, what do we want to look like after the change?

In places with many people, you will not feel nervous, and you can meet normally, have dinner, and chat face-to-face.

The third step is to listen to some music with subconscious instructions and cheer yourself up

Or the example just now, when you go out every day, you can look in the mirror and say: I can, I'm awesome today...

4. Environment

Xun Zi said: You must choose your hometown, and you must be a soldier.

This means that a gentleman must choose a land of mellow customs and beauty, and a traveler must be close to a virtuous person.

Xun Zi believes that the environment has an important impact on people, and believes that choosing a good teacher and a good friend and an environment conducive to learning can enable people to be far from evil and close to righteousness, and cultivate morality.

Similarly, if you want to subdue the heart ape, the environment is also an important factor, just as the so-called fluffy and numb, do not help but straight. The white sand is in Nirvana, and it is black with it.

Psychologist Maslow once said: If the heart changes, your attitude changes; your attitude changes, your habits change; habits change, your personality changes; your personality changes, your life changes.

Surrender the ape and make the heart change in the direction we wish.

The heart changes in the direction we want, and the attitude changes in the direction we want;

Attitudes change in the direction we want, and habits change in the direction we want;

Habits change in the direction we want, and personality changes in the direction we want;

Personality changes in the direction we want, and life may change in the direction we want;