01
Nalan Rongruo once wrote: "Waiting for idleness to change but the old people's hearts, but the old people's hearts are changeable." ”
This means that in the years of idleness, slowly faded the burning feelings when I first saw, but looked back and said, the old people's hearts have changed.
At the beginning, we happily joined the group of classmates and relatives, as if the long-lost relatives were reunited. Joy and enthusiasm are sprinkled with chat again and again, and confessions are expressed with a rain of red envelopes. Sorrow and doubt also unscrupulously "seek comfort" and "solve" in the group.
For a time, the group of classmates and relatives became the catharsis of emotions and the "little assistant" of life, from which we felt warmth, gained support, and also stimulated our fighting spirit to continue to move forward.
However, there is no unbroken feast in the world, time is passing, and feelings are changing.
Some people, some things, after all, are like flowers blossoming, and once they are brilliant, they can only return to dust. Many people continue to stay in the group of classmates and relatives, but rarely speak, but do not withdraw from the group, this kind of silence, in fact, is a complex emotion, mostly the following mentality.
02
The Tao is different from the mentality of not conspiring.
People always have the deepest attachment to the purest feelings.
A small piece of hair and relatives who grew up seems to be the "witnesses" who have grown up all the way, and there is always an endless friendship and an endless old love.
If time can stop at a certain moment, such as a class reunion and family dinner during the New Year's Festival, "reminiscing about the past" is always warm pulse, always passionate, always full of pride.
But the days are ordinary after all, and everyone must work hard and sweat on their own "one acre and three points of land" in order to continue and accumulate new topics.
The watershed is that people standing at the same starting point gradually run to different tracks. Life has different circumstances, and after lifestyle changes, cognition and thinking are also very different.
In Mr. Lu Xun's novel, the young YanTu is his best friend, the two have nothing to say, play together, and Yantu has also become a window for Lu Xun to understand rural life.
However, when the two people in middle age reunite again, a "lord" of the leap earth not only reveals the huge difference in status between the two people, but also means that it is difficult to integrate with each other's spiritual world.
"Summer insects cannot speak of ice, well frogs cannot speak of the sea, and mortals cannot speak of the sea." This is not a kind of irony, but a kind of helplessness.
In the end, we can only follow our respective life trajectories, or go in opposite directions, or go in opposite directions, but there will never be any intersection.
Can only be reduced to a "spectator", silently pay attention to each other, will still bless each other, will still be touched by each other's joys and sorrows, have the heart to help, but is so powerless.
03
There is a difference between inside and outside, and there is a different mentality of intimacy.
In Hu Shi's Forty Self-Descriptions, it is written: "If I learn the slightest good temper, if I learn a little kindness to others, if I can forgive people and understand people - I have to thank my loving mother." ”
The reason is that although Hu Shi's mother taught her son to be strict, she never punished him in public. Whenever Hu Shi made a mistake, her mother had to wait for others to disperse and take Hu Shi to her room before criticizing and correcting them one by one.
This kind of internal and external practice made Hu Shi feel the strictness and love of his mother, which became the most precious wealth of his life.
This also tells people that dearest and dearest people must reserve a "face" for each other. Then, in the face of the people in the group of classmates and relatives, they should keep more "decent".
Some words, which are only suitable for one person to hear, do not need to be sent to everyone; some topics, only suitable for talking to like-minded people, do not have to trigger group chats; some views, even if they are the most bottom-up and most pertinent, but they reach the weakness of others, or let others fall into embarrassment, it is better to stop here.
The more I experienced the ups and downs of the world, the more I understood that "silence is better than sound", and the more I understood that "silence is golden". Unless you are 100% sure that you can help others, you should hurry up and chat privately.
True friends will always be "single-line" contact, often coming and going. Give each other enough support for all the questions in the first place.
04
It doesn't matter to yourself with the mentality of hanging high.
The older people are, the more they will agree that "more is better than less." ”
The topics often discussed in the group of classmates and relatives are short parents, one is canvassing for praise, one is forwarding various chicken soup for the soul, and then there is the discussion of the next party.
No matter what kind of news, for the workers who are tired of running all day, it is a kind of "burden", even if it is a "like" at hand, you have to consider, the next time another person sends the same message, is it necessary to "shoot"?
If it comes to specific things, it is even less clear in one or two sentences.
The more enthusiastically they speak, the more they have ideas and ideas, and as soon as other people have something to do, they will come to the door in the first time and ask for help.
In fact, many people are just out of "good face", often bragging, pretending to be garlic, "packaging" themselves like a successful person, indulging in the false "prosperity" of being praised. If you really want to encounter something, you can only "escape".
People who have experienced "big winds and waves" have already experienced this. They see everything, but they don't say a word or even pay attention. One's own world has nothing to do with others, and naturally, the joys and sorrows of others, one cannot do anything about oneself.
05
Conclusion:
The ancients said: "Poor but not proud, rich but not obedient." This means to be poor without flattery, to be rich without arrogance. It is already remarkable that the realm of life can be reached in this way.
On the road of life, we cannot live alone without the crowd, classmates and relatives are the most natural and familiar connections, do not have to be deliberately far away, nor do you have to be deliberately close.
Staying in the group of classmates and relatives, not saying anything, is more of an identity, always reminding yourself: where you come from and where you are going.
Occasionally looking through their chat records to compare their own words and deeds is also a kind of reflection, a kind of vigilance, and a kind of practice.
Author: Like the wind is light as a cloud.
Your happiness, my blessings.
Images are from the web.