Today we talk about a phenomenon: why when you quarrel with a man, he starts to talk harshly? Analyze men's self-defense psychology.
Have you ever heard these words: "We are not suitable, or break up"; or: "Since this is the case, then let's not be together"; and there are more cruel will say: "You think I am really with you, I have long begun to hate you"; or even: "You don't take care of my feelings, then don't get married, cancel this marriage"; and some are even more cruel, when angry: "You don't say, I don't want to see you, get out", and so on.
Why do men talk harshly when they quarrel? Is it all his true words? Does he really hate me that much? Really don't want to be with me? If you are serious you lose, analyze the mental activity of the man, why does he do it? Two reasons.
1. Self-defense psychology
It seems that he is attacking you for harsh words, but in fact it is a kind of self-defense. For example, if you watch a TV series, if a beast and a tiger rush into the village, the villagers will immediately pick up their hoes and forks and face the beasts.
From the beast's point of view, it will feel that these villagers are attacking it, you are holding a fork, but from the perspective of the villagers, he is defending himself, because his safety is threatened, he wants to protect himself.
Men say harsh words are actually the same, he feels uncomfortable, uncomfortable, or which sentence pierces him, at this time he will take the initiative to attack you, try to win in this attack, this sense of victory will make him have a sense of superiority, so you will find that he said the opposite, standing in his point of view is actually not attacking, is defending.
2. Insecure attachment relationships
The second is from a man's psychological trait, called insecure attachment relationships. In the emotional attachment relationship, there are four types, in addition to the first is called a secure attachment relationship, which is a relationship of mutual respect, mutual tolerance, mutual trust, and mutual understanding.
The second type is called an anxious attachment relationship. First he is insecure, and then he suffers from gain and loss, guessing this and guessing that. For example, if you wear a pair of stockings to go out, he will feel that you are not dating another man, which is called anxiety attachment.
The third is called avoidant attachment. When encountering things, he only wants to escape, does not want to face, he is afraid to talk to you about something, such as common, like the Cold War.
The fourth category is called the fear type, and the fear type is very simple, that is, it contains both anxiety type and avoidance type. In addition to secure attachment, the other three are abnormal, and when he belongs to which category, he will have the habit of habitually attacking.
After we synthesize it, you will find a point: this deliberate harsh attack of a man seems to be strong, but in fact he is vulnerable, and he is protecting his own vulnerability. Knowing this, what should we do?
Take the previous example, when you hold a fork to the tiger, if the tiger takes a step forward, the villagers desperately want to go up, but if the tiger looks at it and does not move away, the villagers will not put the fork down.
In fact, for this quarrel, it is the same, want him to put down the fork, let him stop attacking, our best way is to ignore it, don't care, and even you can tell yourself in your heart: "Right, right, what you say is right, ok, continue your performance."
But this word is best not to send to the other party, and your performance to the other party is the kind of disregard. For example, what he says, yes, right, ok ok, complete ok, just ok, let him say it, because he is also venting his negative emotions, these words do not take it seriously.
When he feels this kind of attack, as if it didn't hurt you, there was no hurt, and you weren't hurt when the shot went out, will he attack you later? Why do you have to do something meaningless? It was to make him punch the cotton.