In the hot drama "Xiao Min Family", Liu Xiaojie's second-married husband Xu is a rich and handsome man, who fell in love with Xiao Jie at first sight, and quickly launched an attack of love after meeting him several times, facing such a handsome, capable, well-off suitor, most of the girls have no resistance.
However, this rich and handsome husband's love for Xiao Jie is too extreme, jealous, and possessive. First let Xiao Jie break off relations with Qian Feng, a student who has been friends for more than ten years, and then kidnap Xiao Jie in the name of love, and do not allow Xiao Jie, as an editor, to talk about work with male authors, even when Xiao Jie was promoted, with the threat of "work is important or I am important", let her delete the male author WeChat who wants to sign a contract.
Although Xiao Jie felt that it was excessive, she thought that Xu Zheng had always accommodated him because he loved her too much, and what he said was what he said.
Later, because Xiao Jie drove along the road to carry Qian Feng for a while, Qian Feng accidentally threw his business card on Xiao Jie's car, and was found by Xu Zheng, Xu Zheng actually put Xiao Jie under house arrest, asked xiao Jie for leave, did not let her go to work, Xiao Jie woke up and found that he was locked at home, mobile phones and computers were confiscated by Xu Zheng, and he could not contact the outside world. Xu Zheng is crazy, taking a fruit knife to prick his leg and threatening Xiao Jie, only to pass through their two-person world. This kind of controlled love is terrible! In the face of the crazy and extreme Xu Zheng, Xiao Jie was afraid and only obeyed.
In fact, before Xiao Jie married him, he knew that he loved jealousy, and under the envious appearance of the rich and handsome, Xiao Jie did not wake up, wishful thinking that he loved her too much, so he loved jealousy and felt happy. Xiao Jie is a typical love brain, in the absence of consultation with the family, directly with the boyfriend to get a marriage license, and then in the marriage Xu Zheng again and again extreme, in the name of love to brainwash Xiao Jie, do not allow her to communicate with men, even the phone and WeChat are not OK, love at the cost of freedom.
If it wasn't for Qian Feng's sensitivity, realizing that something was wrong, going to save Xiao Jie, he didn't know what terrible things would happen later. Xiao Jie is an intellectual woman, very beautiful, chasing her countless, but did not learn the lesson of the first marriage, flashed marriage and divorced again, and ended up with such a result.
It is said that women in love are zero IQ, especially in front of the boy they like, just by feeling, once they go, they may go wrong for a lifetime.
How to avoid being like Xiao Jie, who has two marriages in a row and is divorced? How to choose the lover of your choice and find a reliable man to marry? Everyone has different criteria for choosing a mate.
"Come all come: live a life to the fullest", is a new collection of inspirational essays for women of intellectual beauty blogger Meiya, Meiya in the book, combined with the collision of women's real problems in life and work, talks about how women achieve self-breakthrough and growth, how to have themselves, have wealth, how to deal with the relationship between themselves and family, career; how to obey the desire of the heart, let themselves live to the fullest. The style of the book is humorous, the language is sharp, the viewpoint is pertinent, and it is very confident, and it is deeply loved by female readers.
In the book "There is a kind of marriage, it must be divorced", the author said: "There are several kinds of men who are completely untouchable, in addition to yellow gambling and drugs, there is another kind, called killer men (slowly kill your killer type of men). ”
This man has several means:
1, try your best to isolate you
2, remember your every mistake and hit you repeatedly
3. Gain the right to speak in everything
4, he can not solve the problem, are your own problems
First, the means of the killer
1. Isolation
Try your best to isolate you, make you feel that others have such and such shortcomings, can not be trusted, and even let you sever social relations. One of my girlfriends' little sister talked about an object, maybe because she cared too much, or maybe she was controlling, always saying bad things about her friends or classmates, this force was sinister, as if they all wanted to touch her light or deceive her, so that she only believed that only he was good to her in this world.
In the play "Xiao Min Family", Xu Zheng also brainwashed Xiao Min, saying that Xiao Jie was so beautiful that he was not allowed to contact men, for fear that they would be confused by Xiao Jie's beauty. This is also isolation, and Xiao Jie is still in the happiness of being loved, agreeing to everything, not discovering Xu Zheng's wrongness early, resulting in xu Zheng becoming more and more extreme later. It's a cage of love, at the cost of freedom.
2, with your mistakes repeatedly hit you
Killer is careful, remembers your every mistake, when you make a mistake, will never spare you, always remember to settle accounts with you, even if it has been a long time, it can be like a number of family treasures, so that you are ashamed of yourself, ashamed of yourself, willing to obey the orders, only he is the head.
3. Occupy the right to speak
He will continue to use his logic to reason with you, so right, that is not good, give you advice. In the early days, you think that this is a man who has the courage to do things for your sake, from his fate to him, the more to the later, he is used to helping you make decisions, always saying that his opinions are reasonable, and you are not well thought out, find your loopholes, decide everything for you, but whenever your ideas are different from his, he must boil down to, "I am the truth, you listen to me right." “
Unconsciously, you don't need a brain, you don't need to decide things on your own, you are at ease to be a person who has no opinion, single-mindedly rely on her husband's decision-making, classified as a "long hair and short knowledge" "women's ranks, husband said east you can't say west, what you have to do is obedient, husband sing women, where is the self?
4, it is all your problem
The problems he can't solve are all your problems. In his world, he is not wrong, if there is a mistake, it must be that you did not deal with it well, he is a "general who always wins", there are many reasons to prove that he is wrong for you, and the result is only this one. He slowly changes your concept of right and wrong, so that you do not know right or wrong, everything examines itself, is there something I have done badly? Housewives who have no opinion, we have a lot of them around us.
"My husband didn't like me to go to class reunions, so I wouldn't go." "My husband said that women are born to manage children, and men earn money to support their families." "I can't even manage the children, it's a failure." They blame their mistakes on themselves, unconsciously believing that their husbands are right, and gradually develop a flattering personality.
Killer brainwashes you and slowly controls your thoughts and actions... Even in the freedom of communication, you must ask him for instructions in everything, and you unconsciously become a person without opinion, relying on him for decisions in everything. At the end of the day, he loves himself, and he wants everything to be under his control.
If it is for the sake of freedom, love should be thrown away. The man who binds your freedom is not worth it; the man who does not know how to respect you is not worth having.
Second, distinguish the killer
In love, the kind of machismo that I have the final say in everything is easy to identify, and for Xu formally on the grounds of love, first feed you honey and then control your people, especially under the gorgeous appearance of high wealth and handsomeness, girls often can't distinguish between right and wrong, preferring to revel in "love too deeply", it is difficult to find that this is a killer-style man, withdrawing.
How to distinguish a killer-style man, author Meiya gives several references:
1. He is very talkative, not ordinary talkative, but talkative that can find arguments for everything.
2. His values are extreme, there is no gray in the world, only black and white.
3. He has very few friends, most of them are general friends, and his evaluation of the people around him is generally not high.
4. He remembers all the anniversaries and will create surprises. The level of care is beyond your imagination.
5. He has a very heavy possessiveness and tells you that only he is true to you in the world, and other men are not good things.
First, talkative, always convincing you with a lot of arguments. I personally find this difficult to identify, because there are many talkative men, not all of them are killer, some straight men are indeed so, love is more true, everything loves to give arguments. It is worth noting that if it is easy to be more truthful on the issue of sensibility, if you cite argument 123, you have to be careful, he has the habit of seizing the right to speak, to persuade you, you can not refute.
Second, the values are too extreme, only black and white. There is only right or wrong, nothing else, it is difficult to convince him, you should also pay attention.
Third, there are few friends and low evaluation of others. There are really such people in life, no one is as good as him, no one can look up, everyone is a stupid hat, with him you make a lot of money, you should feel the emperor's grace and greatness, and you are fortunate to have three lives. This is likely to be the reason and beginning of controlling you.
Fourth, the heart will create surprises and remember all the anniversaries. This is the girl's dream of carefulness and thoughtfulness, immersed in the happiness of being loved, difficult to distinguish, no one is willing to analyze rationally, is he also as delicate as silk about other things? Personally, I don't think this is an absolute criterion, as long as his care is not in control.
Fifth, the possessiveness is extremely strong. Only he is true to you in this world, other men are not good things, you have to prevent everyone. Xu Zheng is a very possessive person, extreme to crazy, WeChat can not have men, classmates party, photo pose to put on a shoulder is not OK, can not have any contact with men, work is not OK. Such a husband, in the name of loving you everywhere, wants you to give him a sense of security, and finally directly put under house arrest at home, only to live in the world of two people, such a rich and handsome killer, do you dare to ask for it?
Love is very beautiful, some people love very happy, but when in love, don't blindly immerse yourself in the "love brain" way of thinking of "he loves me to manage me", calm down and calmly analyze, is the controlled love true love? Is this person a killer? Do you have such a person around you?
Love, can not be at the cost of losing freedom, losing yourself, you have become his appendage, if your life is his master, can you still enjoy the beauty of love?
True love is not possessive, not manipulative, not to make her lose her self-attachment to you, but to achieve mutual fulfillment.