"I plucked up a lot of courage to go on a blind date, but the other party didn't look at me."
There was a girl friend backstage who talked to Xiong a little sadly about her "first blind date experience" on the weekend.
She said that she was persuaded by friends and family members, and she also did a lot of psychological construction, and finally took the first step of blind date, but the result was not satisfactory to her, and even hit her self-esteem.
"He said he couldn't talk to me, it should be an excuse, right?"
"Still don't like my hanging looks?"
"Boys still like sweet girls, right?" But I'm not sweet at all. ”
The girl asked three questions in a row.
Xiong felt that regarding blind dates, men and women seemed to be valued by the whole country on two points: they could see each other and talk.
Moreover, they all like to attribute it to "fate".
To be able to see the right eye is to have an eye rim.
To be able to talk about it is to have a highly similar fate of personality and experience.
"Look at the right eye" thing, the bear believes that the radish greens have their own love, and we can't deny ourselves because we don't achieve a blind date.
But the "talk" thing, Xiong believes, is not just a matter of fate.
To be more specific, "chatting" is the ability to stay on the same communication channel as the other person.
So today, Xiong, I want to share a book about same-frequency communication.
The title of the book is: "Same Frequency Communication: Putting Words into Each Other's Hearts".
The book was co-written by the CEO of Asia Beyond Business School, Lin Yufeng, a top 100 lecturer in China, and Kenji Shimizu, a Japanese mind-reading expert.
Frankly speaking, this book is a bit utilitarian, and it is a communication book that is more suitable for salesmen and sales to learn.
But after reading the communication skills in it, Xiong found that the core of the sales communication skills taught in this book is how to be on the same communication channel as customers.
Therefore, in daily communication, the same applies to drops.
Xiong today, choose the most practical 5 same-frequency communication methods from the book and share them with you;
I hope that everyone can communicate with the same frequency to add points to their interpersonal communication
By understanding the verbal action of rejection,
to adjust the communication status.
The author believes that if you want to establish the same frequency communication, you must constantly obtain the basic data of the other party's channel in the process of communication.
So what is the basic data and how to get it?
The author said that some of the "exclusion" appearances shown by the other party in the process of conversation are signs (data) of different frequencies;
By knowing this "data", we should immediately adjust the current state of communication.
In the book, the author lists the linguistic actions that can be easily obtained about the other party's "refusal":
1. Hold your chest.
This is a common symbol of "defensiveness", indicating that you are in a situation where you say "no" to the outside world.
Of course, except for the special case of holding your chest because the weather is too cold and the air conditioner is too cold
2. Tilt your head somewhere else.
The author said that a person who is actually just polite and talks to you, but what he really thinks in his heart is "not wanting to listen", will involuntarily, his face will be biased to other places, and his head will be crooked.
3. Tiptoe outward.
The most suitable for showing the appearance of "walking" if you want to turn around, of course, is to look at the feet, when the other party's toes are facing outwards, it is impatient, which is the meaning of not being interested in our conversation.
In the conversation stage, if the other party's body appears above signs, it means that the other party has rejected our words outside the "atrium";
At this time, it is time to make a decision and change the current state of conversation.
The most correct way is to guide the topic to the other party and let the other party express themselves.
Pay attention to the micro-expression of the other party,
Make a communication strain.
In addition to body language, the authors say that micro-expressions are also a "tool" that is particularly helpful for co-frequency communication.
If we pay attention to the micro-expressions of the other party, we will definitely be able to feel the emotions of the other party immediately.
Therefore, when talking, you must develop the habit of "paying attention to the micro-expression of the other party".
Hey ~ Speaking of which, do you want to learn what magic is there to interpret micro-expressions?
But I'm sorry, there's really nothing in the book.
In the book, the author teaches only one lesson: to compare hearts to hearts, with the idea of really caring about the other person.
(In this regard, the bear would like to say: the teaching is very good, next time you can not pass it on... Hahaha, just kidding. ）
Xiong felt that this experience was not much dry, but it did illustrate one point:
It is necessary to pay more attention to the real emotions of the other party, so that the follow-up communication can be smooth and achieve the same frequency communication between the two sides.
In the book, the author provides some corresponding communication response methods for the three micro-expression emotions that appear most often:
When the other party's micro-expression appears angry, at this time, absolutely do not continue to talk, anyway, talk about the other party is not interested in listening;
At this time, the correct approach should be to ask the other party's thoughts and opinions, so that the other party can grasp the right to speak.
When the other party's micro-expression appears surprised, it shows that the other party is more interested in our topic, at this time, we must follow the stubble and talk about things.
When the other party's micro-expression appears sad, it is necessary to change the topic and guide the other party not to fall too into the sad emotion.
Do questions that don't easily end the topic.
"A question, a question, a question, to achieve a certain effect."
The author believes that the relationship between the two is a transmission of influence.
If the two sides are "stuck" at the beginning of the question, or the frequency docking is not smooth, it is like the two sides use mobile phones to talk, but from time to time there is a noisy noise interference, it is difficult to achieve the same frequency communication.
Therefore, the way of questioning is very important, to ask questions that do not easily let the other party end the topic.
In the author's professional words, it is to avoid "period questions" and choose "multiple choice questions".
In the book, the author gives examples that are very close to life and can be learned and used.
The boy wanted to ask the girl he liked to go to the movies, but the boy plucked up the courage to ask:
"Xiaomei, how about watching a movie tonight?" (Period question)
The girl actually didn't hate the boy, but it seemed too fast to agree to watch the movie at once, but the boy's questioning could only make her answer "good or bad", and she had to answer "bad".
Eventually the boy left in frustration, and the girl became in a bad mood.
A fate was missed.
So how should boys ask in order to meet the girl they like?
Perhaps with multiple-choice questions, the probability of the appointment can be greatly improved.
That is: "Let's go to the movies together tonight, do you want to watch horror movies, comedies, or action movies?" ”
Such a question can guide the other party's thinking box on the set option, and the probability of success is at least 60%.
Everyone, learned not to ~ ~
Try not to ask "why" continuously.
Xiong once saw a screenshot of a chat with a blind date on the Internet, which roughly reads:
A: "Why didn't you get back to me?" ”
B: "I was just riding an electric car. ”
A: "Why do you ride an electric car?" ”
B: "Go to work. ”
A: "Why go to work today?" ”
B：“……”
Of course, screenshots of chats circulating online lack authenticity, but it also tells us a minefield in communication:
Repeated questioning will only make people speechless, and then lose their good feelings.
Therefore, the advice given in the book is that we should use the 5W1H method to conduct interactive and divergent questions.
5W1H指的是：Why Where Who When What How。
For example, the blind date scene mentioned above:
- "Just what happened?" ”（what）
- "Just riding an electric car." ”
- "Where are you going?" Is it a weekend out? ”（where）
- "Go to work. ”
- "When is the weekend work, and will it be earlier?" ”（when）
In this way, the question becomes divergent, can broaden more topics, and can also make your impression in the other person's mind a chance to add points~
Create a sense of Like for yourself through tricks.
The word Like, translated Chinese meaning, is "like" and the other is "like".
So the author's sense of Like here corresponds to the relationship in which people will "like" people who "resemble" themselves.
And he also said that this sense of Like can be created through body language.
Because everyone has some long-term unconscious action habits, such as:
Some people are used to scratching their heads, some people are used to holding their cheeks, some people are used to touching their noses...
These personal habits do not convey any specific meaning, and even I do not know that I have these habits.
And when we talk to each other, we can rhythmically imitate these movement habits.
But it's not the other person who does anything, we do it immediately (that may be mistaken for ridicule)
Instead, when he scratches his head, we may scratch our heads every few seconds;
When he shrugged, we shrugged for a few seconds.
The author believes that the power of the subconscious is very powerful;
When the two sides talk, the other party may inexplicably feel that they are "very compatible", that is, they will make the other party feel like us.
What is the specific effect, you may know it if you try it?
Write at the end:
By observing the girls around him, Xiong found that there are many girls who have a more Buddhist attitude about "whether to become particularly good at chatting" (especially in the aspect of getting along with the opposite sex):
People who understand me naturally understand, and people who don't understand say how much is useless.
This is indeed the truth, but the bear thinks so:
Hopefully, girls (and boys, of course) will learn some chat skills, but because—
The good in you deserves to be seen and should be understood.
Good night, folks