Author┃Little Prince Read aloud/Shiso
Edited by ┃丄学号 Chaired by Liang Shanbo
Recently, Weibo has such a hot search. Zi Yu, a 7-year-old boy in Liupanshui, Guizhou, can independently cook more than 20 dishes. During the holidays, he was even able to contract meals for the whole family.
2 years ago, Zi Yu took the initiative to ask to learn to cook with his mother. At the age of 5, Zi Yu began to learn to cook. As can be seen from the video, from cutting vegetables, stir-frying, turning spoons, sprinkling seasonings, and serving rice, children are all in one go.
The mother is only responsible for the child's cutting of vegetables, and is watching over the side. The mother said: "Children like to cook, boys still have to be independent." So children learning to cook are not opposed."
Netizens were full of admiration and envy, and some netizens lamented that they would not be able to cook noodles, dumplings and rice as an adult.
How can a child grow up quickly? That is, parents must know how to learn to let go, to know how to withdraw properly, and to give children room for self-growth. If the parents do too much and the desire for control is too strong, the child will always have dependence and will never learn to be independent.
Long Yingtai once said: "The so-called father-daughter mother-son relationship only means that your fate with him is that you are constantly watching his back drift away in this life and this life."
You stand at this end of the path and watch him fade away where the path turns, and he silently tells you with his back that you don't have to chase. ”
Parents love their children, and they have far-reaching plans for them. Learning to let go is the deepest love that parents should give their children.
One
Parents who can't let go
What impact will it have on your child
There is an episode of "The Open Boy" whose theme is: Is Nanny Parenting Really Good? The program team invited a group of families, 8-year-old boy He Yike and his parents.
The mother will take care of the child at home, and the mother thinks that when she grows up, she will naturally do anything. Dad is worried about whether too much arrangement will not make the child free, and the two sides have different opinions.
The program team played a short video that simulated the family's daily life. Mom gets up early in the morning to prepare breakfast, Dad gets up later. Like a baby, the father hands the bottle to the mouth of the sleeping child and waits for the child to finish drinking.
Immediately after, the father took the child out of bed and went downstairs to eat. Because the child is not very skilled in chopsticks and eats slowly, the mother is responsible for feeding him. After eating, the mother helps the child to wash and brush his teeth. Then help your child pack up his school bag and pack his favorite snacks to go to school.
When changing shoes at the door, it is also the mother who squats down to put on shoes and tie the laces for the child. After that, the mother carries the school bag to lead the child to the car, and the father is responsible for sending the child to school.
Because his self-care ability is not strong, He Yike has been ridiculed by his classmates. Classmates laughed that he was 8 years old and slept with his father. The mother comforted the child: "It doesn't matter, maybe those classmates also sleep with mom and dad but don't tell you."
At the end of the short film, the child speaks his mind: there are many things that classmates will do, but he will not do, such as: eat by himself, brush his teeth, and dress himself. The child said that he also wanted to learn to change, and hoped that his parents would give him this opportunity.
So the show prepared several small exercises for the children on the spot, namely tying shoelaces, sandwiching peanuts and rice, and dressing, and competing with another little assistant. And in the three games, He Yike was inferior to the little assistant.
Especially with his shoelaces, He Yike could hardly get started, and could only look at the little assistant next to him blankly. Watching the whole show, the mother's desire for control is very strong, and she has almost all of the child's possession, and the child has lost the opportunity to exercise himself.
Teacher Lan Hai said at the scene that parents who can't let go of their hands are actually insecure. Children are independent individuals, not appendages of their parents.
Italian pedagogue Maria. Montessori once said, "Never help a child with a task when he feels he is up to it." "This meticulous care of parents for their children seems to be love, but it is actually a kind of harm.
Many parents in life do too much for their children. The consequence of this is that children cannot grow up by their own experience, cannot exercise their sense of faith, and thus lack confidence in doing things.
When encountering things, they will have no opinion, and they want to withdraw when they have a little difficulty, because children cannot experience the sense of accomplishment of completing things independently, so this will make them inferior, and they lack a sense of responsibility and responsibility.
Two
Parents take a step back, children go further
American psychologist Jane Nelson once said in "Positive Discipline": "Today's children are given too much in the name of love, without any effort and investment, and even think that this is a matter of course." ”
"Parents will take care of all the difficulties their children encounter or overprotect their children, thus depriving them of the opportunity to develop faith in themselves--- their ability to grasp the ups and downs of life-----."
Parents who know how to take a step back will understand that giving their children too much love can sometimes be a burden on their children. Children not only cannot be themselves, but also cannot gain the respect of others.
Parents should return the exercise opportunities that belong to their children to their children, and let the children do what they could have done independently. And the responsibility of parents is to let go, and wise parents will know how to take a step back, and their children will go further.
01
Parents need to have a sense of boundaries
The psychology master Hellinger once said: "A good family must have a sense of boundaries." "In a family, the most important thing is to let the parents be the parents and let the children be the children. Parents give their children the utmost respect, rather than blindly crossing the line.
The 14-year-old boy in Jiangsu reported to the police that his father had installed cameras in his room to monitor him. The boy said that because the father was afraid that his child would indulge in the game, he wanted to install a camera to pay attention to his own dynamics at all times.
The father asked, "What am I spying on you?" Can't I spy on you? Who am I to you? What privacy do you have? "Fathers want to monitor their children's learning. But I don't know that such a practice has actually interfered with the privacy of children.
Many parents have the misunderstanding that their children are born and raised by themselves, so they have the right to interfere with everything about their children and do everything for their children. Love without a sense of boundaries will make children feel suffocated, confused, dependent, and even unable to grow into themselves.
Drawing boundaries with children is the first step for parents to let go. Children are independent individuals, please give children their own space to do what they can do independently.
02
Parents should know how to "show weakness"
Parents who know how to properly "show weakness" will stimulate their children's sense of independence, and this feeling of being needed will bring them a sense of confidence, achievement and responsibility.
Huo Siyan is a well-known role model for parents who "show weakness". She and Hum participated in the show, and they deliberately showed in front of the children many times that they would not do it and that they could not do it well. Instead, this stimulated Hum's desire to protect his mother.
For example, mother and son take the slide together. Huo Siyan would say that she was a little nervous, and then Humming took the initiative to comfort her mother: "It's okay, I will protect you." And sit in front of your mother and slide down first, give your mother the courage to slide with your mother.
Huo Siyan said: "In front of the child, you still have to be spoiled, soft, often say that this will not be that will not, the child will take the initiative to say that he will help you do it."
"Weak" parents will make their children think that they are valuable and feel their importance. When parents lower their posture, they not only get a good parent-child relationship, but also promote their children to become strong naturally.
03
Give your child full trust
Psychological research shows that children are only happy to improve themselves when they are respected. He Yike's mother in "The Open-Minded Teenager" explained why she should help her child brush her teeth and tie her shoelaces in the morning, because the time was very urgent in the morning, afraid that the child would not be able to get it right and delay the time.
Parents who don't trust their children can't let their children do it. No matter what the child does, parents should accept it calmly and give encouragement.
Jane Nelson also mentioned in Positive Discipline: "When parents inadvertently deprive their children of the opportunity to develop life skills because it would be easier, faster, and better to do it themselves, they don't really consider the long-term implications of doing so." ”
Children are motivated by the trust of their parents. When we believe and encourage children to "you can" and "you can do", children can see their own room for improvement and can summon up the courage to challenge every difficulty and obstacle.
If you have always thought that the child is too young to complete the things that he can do independently, then the child will lack self-confidence in himself, have no opinion on things, and cannot do things in an inattentive way.
I remembered Mr. Tao Xingzhi's "Children Are Not Small Songs": "Everyone says that children are small, and who knows who is careful not small." If you look down on a child, you are even smaller than a child." So we can't underestimate our children, who are more independent than we think.
Three
Growing up, please let go and let the children go
Long Yingtai once told such a story. She took her children to the beach to play, during which she asked her son, "Do you want to go to the bathroom?" The son said, "Mom, do I want to go to the toilet, don't you know?" ”
Because of this small matter, the son also wrote a letter to Long Yingtai, in which he said: "You can't understand it to this day: your son is not your son, he is a 'nother' who is completely independent of you!" ”
The letter shook Long Yingtai, which she called "Andrei's Declaration of Independence." ”
Dennis Wittley once said, "The best gift for a child is the root of responsibility and the wing of independence." "As a parent, from now on, please give the best gift to the child, this gift is not money, not material, but let go of the child's independence.
From today onwards, feel free to boldly let the child move forward, and be a quiet ferryman on the way forward.
Author: Little Prince, love life, love words, be a warm person, born to the sun, walk with you.
Appreciation belongs to the author
Reader┃Perilla
Xiaoqiao Liushui, Liaoning Benxi people, now living in Japan, master's degree, always keep curious, strive to be a slash youth, love life, love to read, eager to use sound to convey warmth and strength.