Friends said she had met a new colleague and liked to praise her, but each praise made her struggle repeatedly on the "death line". Specifically, this colleague is very good at a kind of "negative praise", which is extremely friendly on the surface, but in fact negates everything about the friend. Like what:
A friend submitted a report, and the colleague said, "Wow, you did such a good job, I didn't even think you made it!" The friend ordered an afternoon tea, and the colleague said: "I really envy you don't have to worry about being fat, no boyfriend is good." ”
The two of them exchanged a little heart, and this colleague said to my friend in particular "sincerely": "I finally understand why you are always incompatible with everyone, it turns out that your thinking is much ahead of them." ”
When I first heard this confusion, I also tried to persuade my friends to take these inadvertent mistakes as a few jokes, but when I think about it, these words have constituted a colleague who said to my friend in particular "sincerely": "I finally understand why you are always incompatible with everyone, it turns out that your thoughts are much ahead of them." When I first heard this confusion, I also tried to persuade my friends to take these inadvertent mistakes as a few jokes, but if you think about it, these words have constituted some degree of violence. This violence, hidden beneath the shell of praise, creates humiliation, anger, hurt, and self-doubt.
Most people think that if they had suffered verbal violence, they would have known. After all, verbal violence often includes accusations, verbal abuse, threats, and yelling. But in fact, verbal violence is far more than we realize, and the form of verbal violence is far more than "visible" insults and demeaning, but also includes the negation of "invisible" negations, negating your thoughts and feelings — "you're too sensitive"; repeating negative evaluations — "colleagues don't like you"; silent confrontation — "I refuse to talk to you"; less hurtful, highly insulting jokes —"You look so good in this dress and highlight your big ass"; false accusations-" You wear this dress to increase your return rate"; denying or rationalizing your own behavior - "I don't mean that, I'm praising you".
Over time, victims may begin to agree with the abuser and engage in introverted criticism. The "broken glass ballast" in these everyday words begins to gradually disintegrate the victim's sense of self, causing the victim to question his own value and no longer be able to see himself as true.
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