There is such a category of people: when dealing with outsiders, they are "only promises", do not dare to confront each other head-on, and are afraid of conflict. He has a bad temper towards the people he is close to, and he gets angry and roars at every turn.
Many people have such people around them, and even this person may be you. Maybe you'll be annoyed every time you get angry with your own person, but next time you'll still be unable to control yourself.
Why is that? From a psychological point of view, it is mainly due to these four bad mentalities.
(1) Expectations of "own people" are too high, and the requirements are more stringent
For those close to us, we tend to have higher expectations and stricter requirements. For example, unfamiliar people eat junk food, and you may not care. But if it's a relative or friend who eats it regularly, you'll feel angry.
In fact, this is also normal, because you understand that other people eat junk food, and finally their bodies break down and get sick, which has nothing to do with you. But if your parents eat badly, you face high medical bills.
So relatively speaking, when facing relatives and friends, we will be more "flammable and explosive". However, you have to understand a truth, we can only be responsible for ourselves forever, even if we are close to people, many things are difficult to interfere.
So, it's still "a good mindset."
(2) The "kicking cat effect" in psychology
The so-called "kicking cat effect" means that when people are angry, they will vent their emotions by "kicking the cat". The hidden meaning is that we vent our dissatisfaction with those who are weaker than us.
It's like someone who gets angry with his boss in the company and goes back to his wife, and when his wife gets angry, he gets angry with his children.
In relationships, it is often difficult to know whether the unfamiliar person is "strong" or "weak", but we can always identify who is strong and who is weak in "our own people" and lose their temper with him.
(3) Expectations
Expectations are an important factor influencing us. For the desperate man, a little hope can save him. And if we lose hope, even if the environment is not so harsh, we may have no confidence at all.
And friends and relatives will give us an expectation: I will spend time with him for a long time. So for some shortcomings, we are particularly intolerant.
(4) Prejudgment
The vast majority of people's interpersonal communication patterns are based on "pre-judgment". That is, we first predict what kind of person you are, and then choose the mode of interaction with you.
For good bullies, we speak a little harder. For people who are not good at bullying, we will be appropriately weak.
And the vast majority of relatives and friends, because they will tolerate us, will be classified by us as "good bully" types. So unconsciously, it will be unscrupulous.
epilogue:
When you understand the principle behind this, maybe you should think about whether I can control myself and stop hurting the people closest to me.