In the late autumn, he was invited to participate in a youth awards event. At the meeting, a young journalist with a voice recorder asked me, "What hope do you have for young writers?" I was dumbfounded, and I struggled for half a day before I reluctantly replied with a few words, all of which were uninteresting words. I felt very upset afterwards.
I was stupid because I was unprepared for the question. To the young writers, isn't it ma zhitu, Xu Huaizhong, Wang Meng, and other respectable old gentlemen who are qualified to say it? Above all, how did I suddenly get in the position of sending a message to the next generation? At that moment, I truly realized again, whether you like it or not, in the eyes of the world, you are already an old man.
Although I often joke with my friends, life is three stages: young, pretending to be young, and not being able to pretend to be young. I have now entered the third stage, and I can't pretend to be young. But whenever I say this, I always hope that people will retort: Where, you are not old. Hypocrisy has arrived home. When you really meet people who really treat you as an old man, your heart will be desolate for half a day. Although he was smiling, his heart was in a panic, and all kinds of comforting means were in full swing.
Looking at the young writers who took the stage to receive awards, I was envious, and when I was a young writer, there was never such an award. So I joked with Ma Xiaoli, who also went to the meeting, why not set up an old age literature award? We also need encouragement. Ma Xiaoli immediately agreed. When Mr. Li Jingze, who was sitting nearby, heard this, he joked that it would be better to set up a literary award for retired female officers for the two of you. I said, isn't that the Grandma Soldier Award? Everyone laughed.
Two years ago, I wrote a children's literature "Dawa on the Snowy Mountain", so I often met with small readers, and the title of Grandma Yamayama rose up. I muttered in my heart: Shouldn't the mountains be followed by water and water, and why should they all follow Grandma?
However, there is no need to be pessimistic. I told myself that you can still stay in the second stage, even in the first stage. Not by loading, but by writing. You can stay in the first stage forever through writing.
Five years ago, when the Ninth Congress was held, I just retired. The five years of retirement, or rather, the five years from the last congress to this one, have been the most fruitful five years of writing in more than 30 years.
From 2016 to 2021, I wrote and published 3 long stories, 7 novel collections, 4 essay collections, and 7 volumes. In addition, he has published 6 novellas, 18 short stories, and more than 50 essays. He has won the 15th "Five One Project" Award for the Construction of Spiritual Civilization, the 15th Wenjin Book Award, the 17th Hundred Flowers Literature Award, the 2018 People's Literature Award, the 2019 "Fangcao" Literary Female Jury Award, the 2021 "Novel Selection" Annual Award, the 2021 "Beijing Literature" Short Story Award, and the two "People's Liberation Army Daily" Long March Literary and Art Awards, as well as a number of literary rankings.
Although I have not written any huge works to amaze the literary world, I have been writing, and unconsciously I have written so much, even I myself am a little surprised.
An important reason is that after retirement, all the time belongs to himself, he can write with peace of mind, and naturally write more. In fact, there is a more important reason, which is that I keep saying to myself: If you don't want to get old too fast, you have to work hard. I really write to fight aging, to write in health.
I started very late in my literary career, at the age of 26 when I published my first novel and 33 when I published my first book. He was 43 years old when he first attended the Congress. It was the sixth congress in 2001. Then the seventh, the eighth, the ninth. Seeing an old friend once every five years is really seeing an old friend once. I see my friends getting older, and I'm sure so when my friends see me. It's really sad. And these five years, I am a lot older, in addition to the white hair wrinkles that everyone can see, there are also invisible pains, and all kinds of parts are taking the step of aging. A writer who has not been seen for a long time can't help but sigh when he sees me, you are old too!
Every now and then, my inner psychiatrist rushes out of the emergency room and tells myself that it is inevitable to be always, no matter what line you do; it is a beautiful thing to be able to grow old with friends; it is also a beautiful thing to be old in writing, and when you are old, there are still many readers who like you, and it is a happy thing... I consoled myself, it was a set of sets. It needs comfort, indicating that it is really old.
One thing is clear, though, that I'd rather have my hair over my hair and wrinkled face than let my creativity wane. As long as you can still crackle in the face of the computer, Grandma is Grandma. Because only when I write, I forget my age. Only in the works, I can "pretend to be young", only by embarking on the road of literature, I can go to any place. How thankful I am that I chose writing as a lifelong career.
A few days ago, a "post-80s" reader said to me, "Teacher Shan Shan, you must continue to write, I hope I can still see your works when I am 80 years old." I said, then I don't have to live to be 110 years old? She said, you should learn from Ma Lao (Ma Zhitu).
Well, dreams still have to be had, what if they come true?