In our daily lives, communication is everywhere, and there are many people who are distressed and do not know how to communicate with people. Sometimes words do not speculate for more than half a sentence, and sometimes words can be fought in a hurry; what is clearly said is reasonable, but it is not recognized by others; obviously the suggestions are very pertinent, but they are not accepted by others; obviously they are well-intentioned, but they can never guess what the other party is thinking, let alone guess what the other party really wants, so that people's contradictions will become deeper and deeper, and interpersonal relations will become worse and worse.
Gorky once said: "The most difficult thing is the first sentence, like music, the tone of the whole song is determined by it." Therefore, how to say the first sentence well is particularly important. So what kind of opening statement is attractive and makes people willing to continue talking? Next, let's learn about a good opening statement and grasp the "three don'ts".
First, don't just talk about yourself at the beginning, it will seem very egotistical. The best way to communicate is to bring in both parties, not just show yourself. In chatting with others, more than half of the topic content is yourself, then this communication must be a failure, which can only highlight your love to show yourself. Neither can you make the other person interested in the topic, nor can you bring each other closer. Therefore, when communicating with others, mention less about yourself and give the other party more opportunities to show.
Second, start not commenting on their point of view. It's risky for people who are just meeting and starting to judge their points of view. For example, if you go to a nail salon to do a manicure, the two customers in front of you are discussing what color is good, they think the red is good, if you directly open your mouth and say: "I think red is not good, red is too intense." "It's not very cold and unfriendly, because they don't know each other well, they don't have deep friendships, and they're not suitable for commenting on other people's opinions."
Third, don't start talking about inappropriate topics, and in this regard, the most typical one is "When to get married?" "What does my husband do?" "Do you have children?" and other family issues. The family situation in today's society has shown a pluralistic tendency, many people are unmarried; some couples do not want children temporarily due to economic and other conditions; and some people are divorced. So try not to talk about topics that involve privacy.
The above three points are the points that we need to pay attention to in order to attract people when we communicate with others. So, what do we have to say at the beginning to give our communication extra points? It also contains three points.
First, make a few comments on the topics you are discussing in order to "attract everyone's attention." Comments should be short and try to avoid controversy and arbitrariness. Your number one goal is to connect with people. For example, let's continue the topic of nail art just now, you can say something like this: "The colors on the color plate are dazzling, and I don't know what color to choose, but it is winter, and it will be more suitable for dark nails." "Did you immediately establish contact with them and open the conversation box?" You can make a slightly neutral comment on the topic, but you can't deny other people's opinions at the beginning.
Second, choose a conversation that is relevant to the situation at the time, such as, "Well, how did you meet the 'host'?" "Do you already know each other?" "Traffic was particularly congested today. Are you stuck in traffic on the road? “
Third, focus on the "now." Mask what's happening around you so you can focus on the person you're talking to. It's also about respecting others, and it's also good for focusing on the group you're talking to, not you personally.
记住开场白的“三要”“三不要”，接下来要善于观察，人在交谈的过程中，总有特定的环境，伴随一定的肢体动作，你一言我一句的输出，我们可以从这三要素中捕捉有效信息，从而让谈话更吸引人。
First, observe body language. American communication scientist Albert. Merabian once proposed a famous formula for communication: the total expression of information = 7% text + 38% voice intonation + 55% body language. That is to say, in the process of communication, the importance of body language is more important than the expression of words.
Let's summarize a few of the intentions conveyed by "body language":
1. What is the meaning of the conversation when the other party covers the mouth with a finger or hand? It means that the other person wants you to stop, he has something to say. At this time, take the initiative to stop and give the other party a chance to say what they think.
2. When talking, the other party inadvertently bites the finger, what is the meaning? This shows that at this time, the other party is hesitating, taking advantage of the chase, and the other party may accept your point of view.
3. When talking, the other party is always inadvertently touching the nose, what does it mean? This mostly shows that the other party does not believe what you say, a little unhappy, at this time you have to use a sincere attitude to ask the other party to express her thoughts.
So in the process of communication, if we can read each other's body language, we can understand each other's intentions and communicate better.
In our conversation with others, the use of body language needs to pay attention to the fact that the amplitude of gestures should not be too large, and attention should be paid to the amplitude of gestures up and down. The upper boundary of the gesture should generally not exceed the other party's line of sight, the lower boundary is not lower than its own chest area, and the range of the left and right pendulum should not be too wide, and should be carried out on the person's chest or right. Don't scratch your ears and cheeks, and don't point your fingers at each other, these will be disgusting.
In addition to being good at observing body language, we must also be good at observing things around us. For example, the trademark of a sweatshirt or a piece of jewelry, the other party's home or office pictures, etc., these to a certain extent expose the other party's values and experiences, but also a good chat topic, and the other party will feel good because of your careful observation, they will also be full of confidence in themselves, so they will be more open in the conversation, hoping to communicate with you closer. The next time you communicate with someone, don't forget to pay attention to what's around you.
In order to better talk to each other, we should also pay attention to the fact that we should be good at disassembling the messages that the other party replies to, that is, when others answer our questions, we can filter the information from them to judge the topics they are willing to explore further. For example, if you ask the person where they grew up, they will reply, "Oh, most of the time is spent in Ningbo, Zhejiang." However, since Dad joined the army, we have moved more frequently. From this answer, you can continue with the following question: Which service does your dad belong to? Where else have you lived? Do you find it difficult to integrate into a new environment after frequent moves?
Following the other person's reply to filter the message can make a good impression on the other party and make the conversation more attractive.
Next, make yourself interesting. 自己有趣，谈话内容自然有趣了！
For engaging conversations, "everything" is better than "one mastery." Therefore, it is usually necessary to pay more attention to collecting information and doing everything possible to make yourself interesting, which is one of the secrets of effective communication.
Curious people are often "communicators". The more curious people are, the more topics they can talk about. It's not that we're proficient in every topic, we don't have to be experts in various fields, but a little knowledge of each field can make us an interesting person.
Simply put, curiosity is about looking at common things from different perspectives. In fact, it is not difficult to cultivate curiosity, read more newspapers, Lil Lande once said: "Never go out of the house without reading a newspaper". As you walk down the street, try to imagine what people passing by are thinking. Observe their facial expressions and imagine how they will be doing their day and where they will be going. Or when watching TV, you can also ask yourself some news elements (who?). What the? when? Where? How is it? Why? ）。
How to make ourselves interesting, in addition to maintaining a curiosity, we also have to consider the problem from each other's point of view, really care about each other, understand each other, for example, in the morning, women are not willing to get out of bed, how do men say, women will find interesting, attracted, and get up smoothly?
A: If you can't afford it, you're going to be late.
B: It's good to get used to it, and you can afford it without remembering it.
C: If you don't want to go to work, just quit your job and be at home.
D: Dear, my husband feels the same way, come, hug, make you feel better.
Obviously, it's Answer D. Some people may question that such a sentence did not help her solve any problems, why is it that women are very useful in the end? This involves the first law of conversation, people's most instinctive attention is themselves, in the above case, the woman wants the man to give some valuable advice, but in fact, what she needs most is to be seen, concerned and valued by the man, if not from the woman's position, it will become boring, do not know what the other party really cares about.
So try your best to make yourself interesting, in addition to maintaining curiosity, so that you "know everything", but also learn to think about the problem from the perspective of others, which will make more and more people willing to talk to you.
How to make our conversation attractive, including three aspects, the first aspect, a good opening statement, we need to grasp the "three noes" and "three wants". In the second aspect, we can capture effective messages from body language, things around us, and the messages we reply to, and finally we can make ourselves interesting by maintaining curiosity and starting from the other person's point of view.