Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read Dr. Yue Xiaodong's book "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University": "Chapter 9 Are Our Fate Exhausted?" section content.
Text: Case studies
1. What is the manifestation of Wei Hong's self-centered thoughts - a wall of mindlessness
What does studying abroad get? What is lost? This is a question that everyone who goes abroad often thinks about. When people think about it, I am afraid that they can only come to the same conclusion as Wei Hong: if they have gained in life, they will also lose something; If there is something to lose, there will be something to gain.
In this consultation, Wei Hong sacrificed her personal marriage in order to pursue more learning and higher education. But Wei Hong did not realize his responsibility, and most of the responsibility for the failure of the marriage was put on Zhigang, complaining that he had become narrow-minded, lazy, grumpy, and unenterprising. As everyone knows, Zhigang lives in the United States with the feeling of being a human being, and is in the low tide of life, what better performance can he have?
Harvard studied for a doctorate, recreated the glory of her life, and every step of the way was smooth. Even if she had to work to earn money, it was only a temporary difficulty in moving forward, the darkness before dawn. Like Zhigang, there is no bright road in the night.
Therefore, Wei Hong got the satisfaction of self-esteem in the United States, while Zhigang felt all about himself in the United States. This is exactly what Wei Hong overlooked.
One of the questions that Wei Hongbai was puzzled about was what was wrong with reading books for a few more years. Indeed, no one can directly say that she did something wrong, and there may even be people who praise her as an awakening of women's independent consciousness. But the problem that Wei Hong did not fully consider was that the conflict between career and family was not a question of right and wrong, but a question of balance between gain and loss.
No wonder Wei Hong was justified whenever he said this.
Wei Hong did not care about Zhigang, nor did she not want to maintain this family, but her bitterness towards Zhigang and even Zhigang's insults to her had become numb. The relationship between her and Zhigang has changed from the same bed and the same dream to the same bed and different dreams, and there is no longer the original momentum of "no color wind and two wings, and the heart has a sharp mind", and some are just quarrels and complaints such as "who does whose dog's leg". This is not just a problem of Zhigang alone.
Unfortunately, Wei Hong did not know enough about this.
Wei Hong has no remorse for her future, and Zhigang has no intention of delaying her future; Zhigang did not want to sink in the United States and misunderstood himself, and Wei Hong could not do anything about it. Therefore, they can only have the past, it is difficult to have the future, such a marriage can still be maintained, it only depends on how the two people balance this relationship between gains and losses.
In the face of their marital crisis, Wei Hong has been counting on Zhigang to change her mind and give her the "feeling of a big tree". But at this moment, what idea could Zhigang come up with that satisfies Wei Hong, did he not sacrifice enough for her?
All these are manifestations of the self-centeredness of Wei Hong's thought.
unscramble:
What are the consequences of self-centeredness?
Presumably, everyone has seen from Wei Hong's psychological counseling process that there is no absolute contradiction between marriage and career, and the key is how to balance the problem.
There is no perfect thing in the world, and there is an essential difference between a person's life and the life of marriage and family, because you have to assume the responsibility of the family, but also consider the problem of the partner, when self-centered, the emergence of contradictions is not according to the will of man. Therefore, Wei Hong has no remorse for her future, and Zhigang has no intention of delaying her future; Zhigang did not want to sink in the United States and misunderstood himself, and Wei Hong could not do anything about it. Therefore, they can only have the past, it is difficult to have the future, whether such a marriage can still be maintained, it only depends on how the two balance this gain and loss relationship.
I think Wei Hong's problem is still representative at the moment, I hope we can all get some inspiration from it, I always think that although self-centeredness cannot be equated with selfishness, there is really a gap with mutual respect and self-sacrifice. The desire to succeed and realize self-worth really tests you in real life.
It is easy to take vows, but practical action is the biggest test, what is the test of self-sacrifice? As the saying goes, the heart has a sharp mind. If there is no spirit rhinoceros, it is really a wall!
December 3, 2021 #Counselor said #