The wonderful feelings with Ah Xiang, the true feelings of that forbidden love, may only be able to find the answer in each other's hearts. Here, in the face of adult marriage and love, there is always a hurdle that cannot be bypassed, that is, the responsibility of the family, with Ah Xiang immigrating to the United States, I and I have become the male and female protagonists of "The Dream of the Covered Bridge".
Taishan's local acquaintances are called Ah Xiang "Jinshan Po", she is nearly forty years old, her husband is in the United States, and she and her son live in Taicheng. In Taishan, there are many overseas Chinese dependents like Ah Xiang, waiting for the waiting period for immigration applications, and the taishan people call such women who live in the country "Jinshan Po". Jinshan is actually another name for the United States, when many young and strong villagers in Taishan went to San Francisco to make a living, and the Chinese called the United States "Jinshan". Today, after the young overseas Chinese in the United States returned to their hometowns to get married, they began to apply for immigration for their wives and children, and some husbands went abroad first and applied for wife and children to immigrate after naturalization in the country of expatriate. Ah Xiang is of the latter category, and her husband has been immigrating to the United States from home for several years. At home, she waited for an immigrant visa like a moon, and this wait lasted for five years.
When she transferred her son from the countryside to a primary school near her home in Taicheng, she went around and found me, and I entrusted someone to help her handle this matter. In fact, it is not difficult to do a transfer, only because she is a woman, and she lacks connections in Taicheng, which is a difficult thing for her. And I'm not a supernatural person, just the manager of an engineering company to borrow flowers to worship the Buddha. Through this, I got to know her, and until the end, even if the faucet or light bulb in her house was broken, she would come to me.
If you have to use words to describe Ah Xiang's appearance, I use ordinary two words is enough, she is ordinary like a peasant woman in the countryside, simple and pure, I can't see that the family has the squeamishness of jinshan and silver mountains, giving people the feeling of being dignified and stable. When men and women are close to each other, for a long time, there will always be such indescribable thoughts in the mind. When people reach middle age, they long for romance, passion, understanding, and more love, which seems to be a common thing of human beings. But the layer of gauze between me and Ah Xiang did not want to break it, but quietly let their respective feelings rest in their hearts, if they had to define this relationship as ambiguous, then I also recognized.
One night, Ah Xiang called me and said that the shower corner valve in her family's bathing room was broken, the whole bathroom was spraying water, and the total water valve at home could not be screwed, and told me to hurry up and deal with it. From her rapid tone, she knew that she had tried to close the valve many times, and she might also run up and down to find someone. I told her on the phone that I would wrap the bad angle valve with a towel, remove the drainage floor drain cover, and raise the cloth at the bathroom threshold to avoid the water rushing out of the hall. Then, I hurried to her house, and as soon as I entered her house, I was stunned, half of her body was soaked with water, her soaked blouse was tightly attached to her body, her black hair was hanging weakly, and the expression on her face was faint, which made people can't help but feel pain. I looked at her home's total water valve in the kitchen, which was a one-line PPR valve, and when it was not used for a long time, it would be tight when it turned. I tried my best to shut down the water valve, and then went to the hardware store to buy a new corner valve to replace the damaged one in the bathroom.
When a woman is in charge of a family and there is no man around, many inconveniences in life can be imagined. However, every time I saw her, the special earnestness and sincerity in her eyes made me gradually understand her heart, and I couldn't help but give myself various reasons to respect her and love her.
The impulse to love often comes at an unknown time, but when it does not come from marriage, it easily becomes one's desire to find the true self that has been suppressed for a long time, in order to comfort the inner depression. She will be the same, I will be the same, every time I am with her, there are always endless words, feel different warmth, seem to find a long-lost first love feeling between each other, and full of wonderful hope. If this is a love, then it must be an inducement for betrayal of their respective marriages, to flee or stay, it should be a responsibility, it should be maturity, and it should be love. But neither of us can do it. She understands me, never worries about my home, in short, try to make each other more natural, no pressure, no worries.
Covered Bridge Legacy
Whenever I was on vacation, I became a coachman, dragging their mother and son around the mountains and rivers, climbing high and low, I had to be careful to protect their mother and son, and from time to time I held her hand. In the eyes of others, it is like a family of three. Maybe her life in front of her really needs a man, a man to shield her, she also needs love, needs care, and the American husband who is far away can't give her. And I gradually became the man she pinned on to, and over time together, I often let each of them fall into dangerous choices, and this kind of heartbeat, although full of reverie, often brings greed. That time the "family of three" was traveling outside, the return trip was stuck in traffic, so she found a hotel nearby for the night, she and her son had a room, and I had a room. In the evening, she sent me a message on WeChat, asking me if I was lonely alone, and she wanted to come and accompany me. In such a situation, maybe she really just talked to me, but if I agreed, I don't know what would happen. In the end, I still excused myself that I was too tired from driving and wanted to rest early and politely refused her.
I knew that all I could do was to help her and protect her as much as I could, and once I crossed the line, it would shatter her home and add endless family troubles to myself. When the affection between us gradually becomes as bright as a flower, it secretly becomes an indulgent poison. Her every look shook my heart, her eyes were like the bright spring sunshine, amorous and brilliant, so that I could not see her cold pillow lonely and gloomy, she has always been so cheerful and happy. Between us, many ordinary and small things often grow "exact love" in the heart, while in reality, what we yearn for is an untouchable taboo.
In the winter of 2018, my mother suddenly fell ill and was admitted to the hospital, and after waking up from a coma for a few days, the doctor said that he would do heart stent surgery, budget surgery fees, in addition to my mother's agricultural insurance supplement, I had to bear 200,000 yuan myself. In addition to the salary of my husband and wife, the children went to school, and the rest of the money was only enough for life, and after many years of death, the savings for the emergency use of the bank were less than fifty thousand. I looked for relatives and friends to borrow tens of thousands of yuan, insufficient to make me anxious, just when I had no idea, Ah Xiang learned, she handed me her bank card, and told me the password, with her help, I finally survived the hurdle, the old mother was hospitalized during the days, she often came to visit, sometimes with fish soup, sometimes with fruit. When my family asked me what my relationship was with Ah Xiang, I also told my family that it was a colleague relationship "without concealment", and since then everyone has been like relatives, but my wife has left one more eye, and my contact with Ah Xiang has been less.
The longing in my heart has gradually worn away my imagination of extramarital romance with the passage of time. Every time I met Ah Xiang, I didn't dare to look into her beautiful eyes, and I couldn't tell whether this was a redemption of marriage or an apology to Ah Xiang. But she understood me very well and never hinted at me anything, and the more she did this, the more uncomfortable my heart became, and she often looked at me fiercely, not knowing what was happening, but always deeply.
This year's autumn is no different from previous years, the hot summer has passed, the cool autumn has come, and the comfortable autumn coolness has brought people new harvests and new expectations. Ah Xiang's immigration schedule arrived, and he successfully obtained a visa to the United States. At one moment I was happy for her, and at the same time I was deeply lost, and I couldn't avoid that kind of spring sadness and autumn sorrow. The night before she was going to fly abroad, she asked me to come to her house, prepare good dishes and meat, and we enjoyed this last supper for a family of three. Subsequently, I repeatedly explained to her the details of how to prevent the epidemic, and told her to be careful after getting off the plane. At the same time, he also comforted her that if she was vaccinated in China, she did not have to talk about the discoloration of the epidemic, and had as little contact with outsiders as possible. I promised her to take their mother and son to the airport.
That night we talked for a long time, and we all showed each other, looking at the night sky outside the window, the moon was so bright, so beautiful, so perfect! This scene gave me endless reverie, I did not forget the past, just buried them in the moonlight outside the window. Inadvertently, I found that Ah Xiang's eyes were full of tears, she leaned on me, tightly held my hand, this was the first time she had completely released the emotions that had been suppressed in the depths of her heart, she looked at me, I looked at her, the affection was self-evident, and the sparks of the collision of the two hearts burst out. After years of carefully maintaining that distance, I finally got closer, and I gave her a deep hug and caressed her.........
Still
At the airport, we said goodbye to each other, cherished each other, and chose to wave in tears. Maybe people can't always grasp the happy memories and are not willing to give up, maybe only two-way respect and understanding, far more than a simple heartbeat will make the feelings go a long way. On my way back, Ah Xiang sent me a message: When we touch the truth with a sensitive heart, although there are many regrets and many imperfections in the world, it is also worth living a good life in ordinary warmth. Grateful for having you, I will miss you.........