Hello everyone, I am a small point, a little spiritual point.
November 25th, yesterday was anti-domestic violence day, and Xiao Dian would like to talk to you about sexual violence in intimate relationships.
A few days ago, someone said online: "If EDG (an e-sports club) wins the game, just post the girlfriend's nude photos online and be happy with everyone." ”
Afterwards, he actually released a high-definition nude photo of his girlfriend without his girlfriend's knowledge.
This kind of exposure to privacy without the permission of the other party has constituted sexual violence!
Sexual violence is also part of domestic violence, but because marriage legalizes "sex", many people's understanding of sexual violence within marriage is not clear.
In the past, many film and television dramas and literary works have appeared in the classic line "You are mine". Imperceptibly conveying a realization: once an intimate relationship begins, my body no longer belongs to me, but to my partner.
Image credit: pexels
The 2018 British short drama "She Said: Moments of Women's Lives" presented me with a bloody example:
After Ivy got married, she suffered violent sexual assault from her husband for a long time.
She strongly refused to share a bed with her husband, but he did not spare and pestered.
Shame, pain, fear, despair... Sweeping in, Ivy felt helpless, and she went to the police station with a painful body and mind to report the crime, but got a reply:
NO!
It turned out that marital rape was legal at the time. The police said: "We can only deal with "violent" acts, not "sexual assault".
Ivy had to go home and lick her wounds.
She was not clear about what had happened to her, until the law included "marital rape" in the crime of rape, and Ivy suddenly realized.
She said to herself, "Ivy, that's rape!" He kept raping me! ”
Marital rape is only one type of intimate sexual violence.
Regarding what behaviors can be classified as sexual violence, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC, 2014) gives an accurate definition:
Sexual acts committed or attempted by others in the case of the victim's involuntary are called sexual violence. This type of behavior that occurs between partners is called intimate sexual violence.
Sexual violence can happen to anyone, both men and women. Therefore, in the face of sexual violence, we must fight back in time.
Psychologists have concluded that sexual violence in intimate relationships has the following 7 manifestations:
(1) Forced sexual intercourse. This includes marital rape or marital rape.
(2) Coercive sexual harassment. Forcibly touch the intimate parts of the partner without their partner's consent. This includes breasts, buttocks, genitals, thighs, anus, etc., or forcing the other person to touch their private parts.
(3) Compulsive non-contact behavior. This includes verbal harassment without the consent of the other party, peeping into the other person's private parts, sending pornographic pictures or videos to the other party, and forcibly taking or disseminating photos of the other party's nude photos or sexual acts.
(4) Having sex with the partner when he is unconscious and unable to make decisions, such as sleeping, getting drunk, or unconscious.
(5) Mandatory abortion.
(6) It is mandatory not to take contraceptive measures, such as not wearing a condom. There is a scene in the domestic drama "Under the Warm Sun": the husband Li Junlong wants to have a second child with his wife, but the wife is unwilling, and he breaks the condom without his wife's knowledge. This behaviour is unquestionable sexual violence.
(7) Forcing a partner into prostitution or having sex with another person.
(8) Threaten your partner to occur the above line.
One might ask: Are the victims of sexual violence only women?
In fact, victims of sexual violence are not limited to women, but also to men.
In our habitual thinking, men are often violent, but there are also some men who, for various reasons, cannot grasp the initiative in sexual relations and become victims, such as health factors, physical disabilities, psychological problems...
Data suggest that nearly a quarter of U.S. men are victims of sexual violence by intimate partners.
In the movie "Find You", Sun Fang, played by Ma Yili, is unwilling to have a relationship with her husband. In order to force her to obey, her husband beat and coerced her.
The repeated entanglement of the abuser is undoubtedly a secondary injury to the victim.
Studies have shown that intimate sexual violence is even more harmful than domestic violence (physical violence).
This damage is divided into 7 categories:
(1) Shame
After experiencing sexual violence, 73% of victims felt ashamed. Compared with people who have only experienced domestic violence, they are more likely to feel ashamed when they face sexual relations and intimate behaviors later.
(2) Trauma and stress-related disorders
People who experience intimate sexual violence are more likely to have post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD) than other types of violence.
(3) Depression and anxiety
DSM-5 mentions that people who have suffered sexual violence are prone to depression, are not interested in anything, and are always overly worried about many things.
(4) Substance abuse (drug abuse), suicide
In a study in the United States, 22% of victims of intimate sexual violence had suicidal thoughts or attempted suicide.
(5) Poor physical health
People who have experienced intimate relationship violence will suffer different degrees of physical damage, may have headaches, back pain, abdominal pain and other symptoms, and the probability of pregnancy, miscarriage, low contraception, gynecological diseases and AIDS infection is higher.
(6) Murder
The study found that 57.1% of victims killed by abusive murder had experienced sexual abuse by their partners. In a study of sexual violence-related homicides (where the victims were all women), 44.2 percent had a higher probability of being murdered by a partner or boyfriend.
(7) Adverse effects on children
Studies have shown that the more severe the intimate sexual violence suffered by the mother, the more likely the child is to develop anxiety symptoms and social phobia. These panicked mothers also transmit panic to their children, thus expanding the bad side of life.
As a party in an intimate relationship, we have the right to defend our bodies.
If you want to say "no" to sexual violence for yourself or for those around you, you may wish to refer to the following 3 methods:
(1) Sexual topics, timely communication
Good intimacy is built on adequate communication.
A lot of sexual violence arises from being patient, feeling unhappy, and expressing it in time so that your partner can understand your sexual attitude.
Coralie in the movie "Plus belle la vie" doesn't want to have a relationship with her husband, but she can't bear to refuse.
After the compromise, Coralie deliberated repeatedly and decided to tell her husband that she did not want to have sex with him the other day. Although the husband is surprised by this, after communication, he is still willing to respect his wife's ideas.
(2) Allow not wanting to be touched
"Intimacy" by Roland. Miller mentions:
The factors that trigger divorce are not necessarily principle issues such as infidelity, but may also be the accumulation of daily chores.
If you feel like you don't want to be touched, tell them right away and establish a recognition:
No one, including our partners, can touch us without our willingness or permission.
Everyone's body has only one owner, and that is the body itself.
(3) Do not bring negative emotions into the life of the couple
Freud believed that some wives would use sex as a punishment. When she is dissatisfied with her husband, "rejecting sex" can calm her anger.
However, this attitude can lead to a deterioration in sexual relations and increase the incidence of sexual violence. Sex is wonderful, pleasurable, and originally a warming agent for intimate relationships, and should not be punished.
Sex is a round dance song of two people, at the end of a song, husband and wife should have something to gain, and a harmonious sexual relationship is an indispensable part of a happy marriage. Because the subtext of sex is "love.".
Violence should not occur in a loving relationship, and if you can't stop it in any way, get out of the way as soon as possible. Marriage is a part of life, but life is a part of life, in order to spend a long life smoothly and safely, protecting your life and health is the top priority.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Comments and small dots are welcome.
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Author: Miss Mang Lai, Senior Male and Female Observer, National Level II Psychological Counselor; Pineapple Zhizhi, PhD candidate at the University of Sydney, rigorous and prudent psychology researcher
One point spirit, focusing on personal psychological growth, warm and powerful love for you