In the past, I was very tolerant of people who could not speak, and I felt that such people usually had no bad thoughts, that is, they were outspoken and inferior, and they were not willing to praise others. Every time I am with such a person, I have a spectator mentality, trying to see how far a person can talk.
I don't know why, in recent years, this sense of tolerance has become weaker and weaker. Maybe people reach middle age, and things that have nothing to do with money and love are eager to be more willful, and they are too aggrieved about their own files, unnecessary and unwilling.
Another important reason is that I have another level of understanding of emotional intelligence.
In the past, I felt that people with high emotional intelligence needed to get along with many people or even all of them, and the more friends there were, the more emotional intelligence was in place. Now I feel that the real high emotional intelligence is not the ability to get along with others, but the ability to get along with myself.
Knowing how to "accept, process, and let go" in everything is high emotional intelligence. True high emotional intelligence is not to make others happy, but to have strong self-processing skills and know how to make yourself peaceful. Peace and tranquility cannot be hidden, and a person who exudes pleasure from the inside out is welcome in any group.
But man, acknowledge your limitations.
Maybe there are people in this world whose emotional intelligence is high enough to be free from external interference, but fortunately it is not me, I am an ordinary person, ordinary people have the blessings of ordinary people, ordinary people have no great joy and are not easy to have great compassion.
Within the limits of my emotional intelligence, I need to actively block people who are not responsible for their own emotions as well as the emotions of others.
"Can't speak", to put it bluntly, is a kind of emotional wantonness. I actually don't quite believe that there are people in this world who don't know what good words are and what bad words are, and it is impossible. As long as a person's intelligence is normal, he must have the ability to judge the language of others.
People who like to speak hurtfully usually hold the psychology of competing with the world and self-proofing: I can do this, I am like this, what can you do to me?
In the process of using others as their own emotional garbage cans, they have also slowly become excellent garbage makers.
The more "trash cans" they can find, the more capable they are at creating emotional garbage.
After thinking about this problem, I feel that staying away from those who can't talk, not being their emotional trash cans, for them, is not harm but redemption.
People like us with good intentions, as long as we want to understand that it is for the good of the other party, there is nothing to worry about.
A person who has known for many years, always sneering, but also especially like to evaluate my articles, pick are thorns, all the time with "I am a person who speaks is very straight" tag, now what she says, I reply to the emoji, you can be very straight, I can also not waste time to feel your straight.
Finally, she couldn't stand it herself and asked me, "Are you unwilling to accept criticism and opinions from others?" I replied, "No." Constructive opinions I especially like to listen to, completely from their own emotions and preferences of the evaluation, it does not mean much to me, it sounds too waste of time. ”
Seeing that she was still typing, I immediately added: "Don't mind, I'm a very straight talker." Her "typing in" stopped instantly.
After that, she also stopped and voluntarily disappeared from my circle of friends. I pondered that people who were proud of speaking very directly could not stand others speaking very straight, they were either naïve or simply harming others and harming themselves.
In the past, I always felt that people grew up and became rounded, but now I don't think so at all.
I am more looking forward to growing, not becoming mature, but becoming suitable. It is round when it is round, willful when it is willful, and not soft when it is mean. It is to know when and to whom, you should show your sharp edge.
Now, as long as the person across from me says, you don't mind, I'm not a very good talker. I will answer generously at once, then you hurry up and say less, don't be difficult for yourself. Of course, be sure to add: "I'm sorry, I'm a very straight talker..."
This last sentence is medicine. Whoever says who is cool, must rush to say...