Saving love, all the breakdown of relationships, starts from this point

Wen | Bobo

If you often stay in my circle of friends, but have not done a paid consultation, please do not keep asking questions, or even asking some mentally handicapped questions, this is the most basic respect.

Otherwise, anyone will have no patience for you.

There is a trainee who has been in my circle of friends for at least two years, basically belongs to my circle of friends, and occasionally under my circle of friends, ask some questions, I will answer her.

I always feel that people should be grateful, first of all, I have paid time to answer your questions, not to take the efforts of others for granted.

Last week, this student came to ask again,

How to tutor?

How to make an appointment?

Paid consultation is only an hour of time, then I have to narrate the situation for half a day, how to calculate this time, but also counted in an hour?

I was patient and said to her,

The information is written in advance, there will be no consultation time at all, the consultation time is the consultation time, and there will be no delay for a minute.

In fact, the old students who have consulted many times know that many people pay for the consultation time, even if it is about an hour, an hour has not been explained to you thoroughly, I will extend the time to give you a full time, not more than an hour at all. My time is precious, but in the end I will help you solve the problem and help you.

Students who know how to be grateful will feel embarrassed, and when the time is over, they will have to pay the teacher again.

On the contrary, for this kind of person who knows how to be grateful, I only charge for one hour.

But for some people who take advantage of you and are not enough, they always want to calculate others, do not suffer losses themselves, and are preoccupied with people. Such a person, with a small pattern in her bones, her marriage relationship and interpersonal relationship will not be much better. With such a relationship, it must be consuming you.

I look down on such a person very much, and I don't want to talk nonsense with such a person.

Such a person, I would rather not make money for this kind of person than get entangled with such a person.

Later, this person asked in my circle of friends,

Is it the teacher you consult? How do I schedule a consultation?

First, from the perspective of doing consulting, frequently asking some mentally retarded questions without asking them once is purely brushing up on the sense of existence and wasting other people's time, which is a kind of disrespect for others.

Second, taking the efforts of others as a matter of course and insincerity, and thinking that others answer her questions again and again is the right thing to do.

I have not consulted myself, and I have asked about some post-service things, which is not very ridiculous? Let others look at you in a very sincere way to ask for counseling, in fact, very pretentious.

Later, I directly blocked her, and I didn't have to white prostitute my content.

Because blocking her, there is no loss to me at all, and this kind of person does not bring me any value, it is all consumption. Instead, I don't have to spend time giving her free services.

This kind of person, without looking, must be a consumptive partner in life.

That is, she will not bring any value to others, but she will always consume others, take the efforts of others as a matter of course, and still be unaware.

To survive in society, what exists between people is the exchange of values. People who know more about value exchange are more likely to succeed because no one owes you.

Whether it is your interpersonal relationship, romantic relationship, marriage relationship, it is a value exchange.

You can't give value to others, you don't understand value exchange, and you take the other party's efforts for granted, that's when the relationship breaks down.

It's like I blocked the student above.

2

To say that there is a value exchange between people is a bit realistic and cruel, but this is the truth.

People who know me well know that I have always been about human nature and do not pour chicken soup! The same goes for both our live coaching and long-term coaching.

Interpersonal relationships are so, and gender relations cannot escape human nature, and so it is, the reason is universal.

This is from the perspective of human nature, so that you recognize the reality, you will not drink chicken soup again,

This man should be nice to me?

Should I be spoiled and love me for the rest of my life?

What should there be?

See what value you give others others want!

The essence of human nature is not good or evil, but actually selfishness.

It is easy to see yourself giving and ignore the efforts of others.

This is when I bring my own students to counsel, I will tell them repeatedly, people's selfish background can not be completely changed, but at least you have to let the people who get along with you feel that you are not so completely selfish, and it is also beneficial and comfortable to get along with each other, and you can get along with you.

Just like the student above, the free advantage is not over, and I have not received any benefits, it is the brain damage problem that consumes me, and I don't pay, I don't want to block her.

In a relationship between the sexes, you feel that you have given a lot for each other, and you love each other very much in the name of love.

In fact, your efforts are also for yourself, but also to let the other party come to love you and be better for you.

If you don't even get a response from the other person, you will lose your temper and become angry. Isn't that your selfishness?

If you are not giving for yourself, then you should not have any emotions and reactions in the face of others' non-feedback, and continue to pay. Even if the other party is not good with you, you are ecstatic to see that he is good with others.

To be honest, all your efforts, the essence is for yourself, really not for others.

Therefore, loving others and paying for others is really nothing great, and it is not worth you showing off and saying that I love you!

At the end of the day, you're still for yourself.

Your giving and love are not so selfless, and the giving is to be returned.

See this clearly, you should know, don't take the efforts of others for granted, no one owes you.

Among the trainees I tutored, there was once a female trainee who cheated on her husband, and after she filed for divorce, the other party did not keep her at all. She said,

This man doesn't love at all? With such indifference, do I still have to redeem myself?

I asked her: Has your husband ever loved you before?

She said that she had been very good to me before, very good.

Did he give feedback on his love for you when he was good to you before?

She said she didn't know what he wanted.

Were you satisfied when he used to be nice to you?

She said, very satisfied.

Will you tell him when you're satisfied?

No.

What about when you're not satisfied?

Yes.

Seeing this, it is easy to understand.

When the other person pays for you, he pays 6 points, and then you see that he has 4 points that don't satisfy you. So, you point it out.

Then, the other person pays 7 points, and you see that he still has 3 points to not satisfy you. So, you point it out again.

What happens when you are in such an unbalanced relationship for a long time?

The other party cheated and found a person outside who only needed to pay 3 points, but the other party could treat his effort as 10 points.

This is what I mentioned above, the selfishness of human nature, that is, not seeing the efforts of others, only seeing that others do not give enough! But never thought that I would be able to give someone what value they wanted!

Without altruistic thinking, only selfish egoistic hearts, no matter what kind of relationship, you can't go far!

Not responding to a person's efforts, not seeing, ignoring, and taking them for granted.

This is the greatest selfishness of a person.

No matter what the other party does, you don't feel, can't see, only enjoy, only care about your own feelings, and don't do enough to provoke.

Occasionally it satisfies you, and you don't say it yet. When you are not satisfied, you will point it out seriously and even hysterically, which is killing a person's sense of giving to you, and there is nothing more cruel than this.

At that time, I asked this student, are you sure that your husband has no love for you at all?

I'm sure.

Are you sure there's not a little bit of it?

A little bit of it.

Which one?

……

At this time, the trainee burst into tears.

At this time, she found that it was her own hands that had killed her feelings for so many years, and she also ignored the fact that she had always been loved, but she was unable to feel and see.

Later, this student did three months of growth and improvement, followed the teacher's step-by-step real-time guidance, and also saved his marriage.

More importantly, it finds the feeling of being loved in marriage, has the ability to love and be loved, and makes the marriage happy.

If you let a person remove the block, it must be that your selfishness has violated others, and others have not benefited from you and are still consuming others.

If you make your partner intolerable and would rather leave you than leave you, you must be selfish enough to make others intolerable.

People must learn to reflect on themselves, learn to see their own selfishness and the efforts of others, and do not take the efforts of others as a matter of course.

To use an old saying, think about yourself in the first half of the night, and think about others in the second half of the night!

Whether it is various interpersonal relationships, social relationships, or intimate relationships, they all follow this human law.

*About the Author: Mr. Bobo, Master of Fine Arts. A counselor who likes to study human nature will take you to understand human nature in marriage and love relationships. Hate chicken soup culture and teach you to think rationally; Dissect the problem and get to the point. Here there is only the truth of love and marriage, the nakedness of human nature. But do not sell anxiety, only positive energy, is a counselor who teaches you to recognize the truth, but still let you love life and control love. To save your love, you must read human nature. More emotional content, public number: Bobo emotion.