A video on the Internet caused a hot discussion: a pair of brothers and sisters did not come home in the middle of the night because their parents played mahjong, forgot to bring the key, and could only sleep in the corridor.
This kind of thing happens often, and parents love to play mahjong and either ignore their children or scold them. The neighbor saw that the two children were really pitiful, and they persuaded many times and even wanted to call the police. The child's parents are rightly threatening, "Don't be nosy."
Netizens commented: "Children are not stupid, and they know in their hearts that their parents do not love them, but just raise them as animals."
Some netizens said indignantly: "Don't say that when animals are raised, poor children, the treatment is not even as good as animals..."
Parents treat their children in this way, lacking a minimum sense of responsibility, will make children feel like air, not seen by parents, and experience negative feelings of being ignored.
In turn, the subjective cognition of parents not loving themselves is generated, and once this belief is implanted in the heart, it is difficult to eliminate, becoming a psychological shadow, affecting their growth and parent-child relationship.
Parents play mahjong without returning to the brothers and sisters to sleep in the corridor: parental neglect is cruel to the child - shanbo education
First, ignoring the growth of children, parents regret it
Professor Li Meijin once shared a case: a father resigned to do business, with excellent business vision and economic acumen, in the mall like a fish. Through several years of hard work, it has a millionaire net worth.
At this time, I remembered my son, who had not been seen for a long time, and when he returned home, he found that his son had grown up, always skipped school, caused trouble, and became a "problem student" in the eyes of the teacher.
The father tried to discipline and tried various methods, but the child was soft and hard not to eat. He experienced an unprecedented sense of frustration, truly felt powerless in the face of his unruly son, and regretted missing his child's growth.
Hearing that experts can "save" children, he immediately took his son thousands of miles to find experts, and domineeringly took out 100,000 yuan and slapped them on the table: "This child is handed over to you, and you are responsible for educating him well." ”
Unexpectedly, the expert was unmoved and refused the father's request. Because of missing out on critical periods of education, even experts cannot guarantee changing children.
Professor Li Meijin said with emotion: "Poor father should take 100,000 yuan as his salary, stop everything, and maybe his son will be saved." But father had to educate him personally, and he could not give him to someone else. ”
The growth of children needs the companionship and love of parents. Growing up only once, the regrets and regrets left by missing out can only be paid for by parents.
Psychologist Jonis Weber proposed the concept of "childhood emotional neglect", which refers to the psychological trauma caused by parents not responding enough emotionally to their children in childhood.
"The Neglected Child" says: "The emotional neglect that a person suffers in childhood can damage our self-esteem, emotions and love of life for a long time."
This emotional neglect is mostly caused by things that did not happen and are not remembered, and are more helpless and powerless than those that can remember childhood trauma. ”
Neglected children think that their parents' disregard for themselves is not the fault of their parents, but the cause of their own reasons. Personality traits such as inferiority complex and low value affect social interactions and intimate relationships in adulthood.
Second, the attention of parents is the lifelong wealth of children
A video touched many netizens: a five-year-old girl was suffering from cerebral palsy and hated her slow change of clothes, so she apologized to her mother.
In the video, the girl drags her inconvenient body and slowly climbs to a chair. While taking the video, the mother observed her daughter and did not forget to encourage her: "So capable!"
Daughter: "I'm going to get dressed to make me laugh." The hole in this hand (cuff) could not be found. ”
Mom: "Have you been delayed for so long?" Never mind. ”
Daughter: "I'm sorry!"
Mom: "I'm sorry to say anything to my mother, it's okay, slowly!"
Daughter: "Mom, I'm afraid you didn't wait for me."
Mom: "I've not waited for you, you're the best!"
After the girl was born diagnosed with cerebral palsy, her mother took her young to seek medical treatment everywhere, after years of treatment, the girl's health has improved, and she is currently doing rehabilitation treatment.
In the video, the mother carefully marks her daughter's face with a mosaic and does not want her child to be disturbed by the outside world. It can be said that he is well-intentioned, always thinking about his daughter and paying attention to all the details of her life.
In the face of the support and encouragement of netizens, my mother sent a thank you: "Although the road to recovery is long, we will continue to refuel!"
Netizens commented: "This does not need to be coded, what a cute and beautiful little girl; it is also very cute to talk."
The mother's attention and feedback, encouragement and recognition, accompanied by the daughter's happy growth, positive and sunny mentality, make up for physical deficiencies.
Mother's unconditional acceptance becomes the girl's armor to cope with all difficulties, benefiting her for life!
A psychologist said: "The important role of parents is not to give their children rich material enjoyment, but to give their children rich love, so that they can actively pay attention to and respond."
Parents must not ignore the growth of their children, this is the unshirkable responsibility of parents, let the children grow up in the nourishment of love, and become a mentally healthy and sound personality!
When children grow up, parents are both guardians and watchmen, and they need to pay attention to their various changes at all times and know what they are doing.
Let children feel the love of their parents, so as to have sufficient psychological nutrition and escort growth.
Third, correctly pay attention to the growth of children is a compulsory course for parents
01 Accompany your child to do what they love
Ms. Huang Qiheng is a successful mother in Taiwan who has a successful career and a good godchild, and has shared her educational experience.
When she was young, her daughter loved astronomy and was particularly interested in constellations. Often let my mother accompany me to watch the stars in the middle of the night.
Many parents may scoff, "Don't sleep most of the night, what stars do you want to make?" "Throw cold water on children, even deny and teach them."
No matter how sleepy and tired Huang was at that time, she would accompany her daughter to observe the starry sky and talk about life philosophy and life trivia. Even if her daughter grows up to become a doctor of physics, when she thinks about it, she will let her mother watch the stars with her again.
Parents accompany their children to do what they like, which can meet the emotional needs of children and make them confident that their parents care about themselves, so as to establish a good parent-child relationship.
02 Pay attention to the child's emotional changes
"Where Does Daddy Go" has a program, and her daughter Duoduo is dissatisfied with the accommodation conditions and wants to cry.
Father Huang Lei gently asked: "You don't know that the room is like this, a little regret to choose this one, right?" ”
Duoduo nodded in acquiescence, and Huang Lei said: "I like this house, I can meet many children, is it very good for them to sing?"
The much is rewarded, and the emotions quickly calm down. In the father-daughter interaction, Huang Lei did not preach, but paid attention to the changes in his daughter's emotions, accepted her emotions, and gave understanding.
Dr. Zhang Yijun has a golden rule in the concept of children's emotional intelligence education, "deal with the mood first, then deal with things" .
When interacting with children, we must pay attention to their feelings and expressions, so that emotions can be properly exported. The inner needs are met, and the personality is gradually enriched!
03 Establish a communication mechanism with your child
There is a case in the "Twenty Laws of Zhou Zheng Parent-Child" written by psychologist Professor Zhou Zheng:
Angel can communicate in language since she was two years old, and she agreed with her mother that before going to bed every day, it was a fixed chat time of the day. Angel told her mother everything, and the more happiness there was, the less trouble she had.
At the age of four, mom fixed the time every Saturday after dinner.
Angel went to study in a different place at the age of 18, and every Saturday at 7:30 p.m., her parents and her held a "two-place family meeting" for half an hour each time, sharing their changes and problems and discussing them together.
That is, the "conventional conversation mechanism," Professor Zhou Zheng said: "This kind of conversation mechanism allows parents and children to communicate frequently, and the children's situation is naturally understood by parents."
Parents want to understand their children's daily life, they can set a fixed time to chat, can enter the child's heart, let them feel the emotional connection from the parents.
Fourth, write at the end
Neglect is a serious psychological harm to the child, cutting off the emotional chain between parents and children, and pushing the child away.
Therefore, the attitude of parents towards their children is very important!
American psychologist Martin Selig said: "The attitude of parents is the psychological nourishment of children facing difficulties and challenges."
Children who grow into emotionally healthy, healthy connections with others require parents to give them the necessary emotional interactions, and sustained attention as fuel.
Without this emotional connection, the child feels empty inside, like the lack of something important, causing pain and entanglement.
Even after adulthood, their hearts are still full of holes, and they dare not touch them, which becomes an eternal pain in life. Lack of security, even if you have more wealth, you still lack self-confidence and self-recognition.
Because of the neglect of parents, the imprint of "I am not worthy of being loved" has long been branded in the child's heart, which is indelible.
I hope that every child can be concerned by their parents and grow up happily and worry-free!
Author ┃ Body freedom
Edit┃丄學号
Source ┃ Shanbo Education - Focus on etiquette and parenting education information