Things are clustered in groups, and people are grouped. Everyone living in society has to have relations with others, people exist in a "group" way, and individuals live in groups and need to deal with countless people.
Although there are thousands of people in the world, if you analyze it carefully, you will find that in fact, all people can be reduced to two people, that is, "themselves" and "others". For these two people, it is not easy to have a good relationship, and it requires university questions and great wisdom.
To establish lasting interpersonal relationships between people, it is necessary to have certain skills. Some people are not good at dealing with people, and they are alone; some people have a hard time getting along with people, have tense relations with people, and quarrel with people at every turn; and some people get along with people like fish and have a harmonious relationship, and the reason for the huge difference is that in the final analysis, they do not understand the skills of interacting with people.
Confucius believed that Yan Bao was the best at interacting with people. Who is Baby Yan? During the Spring and Autumn Period of Yan Bao, the Minister of State of Qi was an outstanding politician, thinker, and diplomat.
The relationship between Yan Bao and Confucius was not good, Confucius came to the State of Qi when he traveled around the world, and qi Jinggong, the monarch of the State of Qi, admired Confucius's talent very much, and twice asked Confucius for advice on the issue of governing the country, deeply impressed by Confucius's political ideas, and wanted to reuse Confucius, but was strongly opposed by the Minister of State, Yan Baby.
Why should Baby Yan object? He listed four major crimes for Confucius: first, Confucians can speak the Tao, are treacherous, and are not easy to be restrained; second, they have high self-esteem, are arrogant and willful, and it is difficult to obey the leadership; third, regard death as a major event in life, attach too much importance to funerals, and solemn funerals, and do not hesitate to ruin their families; fourth, lobby everywhere, run for office, and cannot be used to govern the country. None of the four articles in the Yan Infant Column are in line with Confucius's personality, the fourth is still reluctant, and the first three are strongly opposed by Confucius.
The most important thing is here, Confucius wants to restore the Zhou ritual, Yan Baby said, the Zhou ritual is red tape, too cumbersome, if you get serious, several generations can not finish learning, some etiquette is difficult to figure out in a lifetime. At that time, it was the princes vying for hegemony, the princely states were busy with expansion, who still had spare time to engage in etiquette, especially everyone followed the rules of the jungle, did not play cards according to the rules, who talked about etiquette, who stressed morality, who suffered losses, the implementation of Confucius's political ideas was only harmful and not beneficial to the State of Qi, so they vigorously opposed Qi Jinggong's appointment of Confucius, and Confucius was therefore not appointed.
Nevertheless, Yan Bao's skills in interacting with people have been highly praised by Confucius, so what is the secret of Yan Baby's interaction with people? Confucius believed that Yan Bao knew the skills of interacting with people, and the trick of communication was to "respect them for a long time". That is to say, Yan Bao interacts with people, no matter how long they have been in contact, they respect each other as they did when they first met.
When people first communicate with each other, because they do not understand each other's temper and morality, they will be polite to each other, have a respectful attitude, be humble to each other, pay attention to etiquette, and do not exceed the rules. With the growth of time, the deepening of understanding between the two sides, knowing what kind of person the other party is, feeling familiar, there is no need to talk about rules, becoming a big grin, respect will slowly decrease, no longer pay attention to details, do not adhere to etiquette, ignore the distance between people, more and more rules, and eventually lead to the estrangement of the relationship.
The first is cunning. When interacting with people, regardless of the occasion, treat each other very casually, talk and behave too intimately, to show that the relationship is intimate, thinking that this is a natural outpouring of deep feelings and good relationships, and not thinking that their random actions hurt each other's face. It was very inappropriate to do so, and Confucius's disciple Ziyou warned that if you were too close to the monarch, you would be humiliated, and if you had too much relationship with your friends, you would be alienated. Especially in public, to outsiders, too casual behavior will make the other party feel embarrassed, not enough respect, very faceless, in the long run, excessive intimacy will lead to estrangement.
The second is slackness. Some people feel that the relationship between the two people is very deep, and they will not be blamed for offending each other, so they treat their friends' words and deeds without scruples, and often treat each other slowly. If you neglect once or twice, ten times eight times, friends will forgive, but after a long time, it will make people feel particularly uncomfortable, and the relationship will gradually fade and become distant.
People are not a single existence, the fate of individuals is closely related to the group, only by integrating individuals into the group can we ensure the survival and development of individuals, and the interaction between people is indispensable, and it is necessary to obtain communication skills in order to better gain a foothold in society.
"Augmenting the Sages": "It is like meeting each other for the first time, and there is no resentment in the end." "No matter how long people interact with each other, how deep the relationship is, every time they meet like they first met, they are polite and courteous to each other, then, even if they get along until they are old, they will never have resentment against each other, and friendship will last a long time."
(Picture from the Internet, infringement immediately deleted)
Read the Analects of the Gongye Long:
[sic] Zi Yue: "Yan Ping Zhongshan befriends people and respects them for a long time." ” Confucius said, "Yan Pingzhong is good at fellowship with people, and after he has been with people for a long time, he can still respect that person without fading." ”
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