"Marriage Story" is one of the dramas I watched this year, which is worth nagging.
The Bergman master version of "Married Life", I watched it very early, when I was young, I explored inwardly who I am, where I came from, how my original family and past experiences have influenced and shaped intimate relationships, what kind of redemption I hope to get from intimate relationships, the lack and repair of this kind of soul percussion film, I will feel bored, just complete the must-do job to see one cross out one or that, after watching only the dialogue between men and women, men and women talk to psychotherapists, those lengthy dialogues, There is no passion in the days, only the impression of a bland picture that people can't stand, and nothing else can be remembered.
Now watching "Marriage Story" starring model sister Jessica Chastain and Guatemalan actor Oscar Issac, I have reached maturity, and my understanding ability and patience are different. According to the Douban introduction, the story focuses on a contemporary American couple, re-examining the steps that love, hatred, fertility, desire, monogamy, marriage and divorce, remarriage, and compounding are all likely to encounter in life. It's just that the male and female protagonist settings are opposite, the Bergman version of the cheating is the male protagonist, and the remake version of the cheating party is replaced by a woman.
One. Pay for the distant distances between people
At the beginning of the film, the husband and wife accept a college student to do a marriage survey, a simple scripted question and answer, the picture is full of tension, that is, a stylized marriage life endorsement that is full of dangers. Through the Q&A, we learned the process of two people falling in love and becoming partners. Both were students at Columbia University and both joined the English Literature Seminar. The male protagonist Jonathan repeatedly said that we could not be together. He came from a very conservative Orthodox Jewish background, and his education and upbringing were closed and even repressive. It is difficult for him and Mira to intersect and identify with campus fashion figures, and in general, she is high and he walks humbly. Mira was in love with a "rock' and roll" musician in the school. In Jonathan's words, how far the two were at that time, how far and how far this was, was the foreshadowing of the inability of the two to continue later.
Completely different people will be attractive and not fresh, people who are very similar to each other, the same origin, the same education, the same IQ, the same temperament, the same idea, the same direction of judgment, you can say that you are a fairy companion, but this is how stuffy, not yet married, the left hand touches the right hand, there is no surprise. No, no, no, or difference beauty is more challenging and more interesting. The other party has the vitality that you don't have at all, or affinity, or wisdom, or adventure, attracted by the different, and has a chance to bump into each other, it can't be separated, how much such a story is. In the play, two people who are very different from each other but care about each other, in the boy's asthma attack, the girl accompanies him to seek medical treatment, is replaced by a husband and wife, the two people feel that this feels good Hey, after coming back, simply fake the real play, dating, love, marriage, and have children.
Entering the stage of intimate relationship keeping, the different provenance of the two people will have great lethality. For example, the man's conservative firmness, the woman's passion seems to correspond to the trade-off, will be a huge collision, the so-called love is easy to keep each other, it is really not to say whose fault, is the fault of the keeping. Young people's life is trial and error, and then their life experience is not enough, will amplify and intensify the contradictions brought about by differences, get out of control, can only break up.
Take the material library I walked with, for example, there is nothing but difference between the two of us, and the mutual exoticism that attracted each other in the first place is a meager basis. The comrade of the material library is a good fate, in my age of trade-offs and tolerance to meet me, otherwise scattered eight times, in fact, it is indeed scattered eight times, these eight times did not scatter in vain, at least know each other's bottom line, the bottom line of intimate relationship, is each other's bottom line divided by two.
And the two in the play, the lovers in college have cultivated the right results, the film begins, the investigator asks them what is the secret of successful marriage? They said, "Did you succeed in only ten years of marriage?" The threshold is a little low? The student said, "Marriages in the U.S. last only eight years on average. "Whether it is 8 years or 10 years, it is still in the trial and error age and mentality of paying for the distance or gap between each other, and it is difficult to spend it safely without breaking the bones."
Two. Man grows up after being denied
Between Jonathan and Mira's intimate relationship. After three flips, the first is that the beautiful beauty on campus, Mira, is unattainable, and Jonathan can only look back. After being together, Jonathan's stable and surprise-free life situation cannot meet the emotional needs of Mira, who has a tiger sniffing roses, and the relationship at this time is a continuation of the strong women and weak men in the college era. Jonathan's heart is wholeheartedly above the family children, Mira is very wandering, there is a double aura of the elite emotional hunter in the workplace, she cheated on her company colleagues, insisting on leaving home, at this time Jonathan's collapse is the collapse of the whole army, the body did not kneel, the spirit has kneeled, begging Mira to stay, tearing her heart and lungs to stay. Mira was still gone, running towards her passionate life.
At this time, the male protagonist's denial is devastating, he desperately saves himself, receives psychological counseling, surfaces from the suffocating bottom again and again, experiences a year and a half of appearance, stabilizes, and has a new partner. At this time, he wanted to break up with Mira, sign a divorce agreement, sell the house, and turn his life upside down. He did not die and die in denial, but grew, and both the body and the heart had a hard shell. It is clear from his attitude of being impatient with his new girlfriend and saying that he broke up with say No 666. A "three noes" middle age gradually took shape.
The balance between man and man is temporary, and the trade-off is eternal. Jonathan's side stood up, and if Mira was still the arrogant man, the fate of the two would come to this point, and the road would go half way to the sky. But Mira and the new cheating man also have problems. In Mira's mind, she is the playful child, and how to fool around outside, Jonathan and his family will still wait warmly for themselves. She did not expect that what was waiting for her was her husband's resolute determination and a thick stack of lawyer documents waiting for her to sign, in reality, there are many such examples, the party with psychological advantages, because of the inertia of the other party, there will be such an illusion, thinking that how to do, the other party will tolerate, any time to turn back, the other party will accept, there is no such thing, everything has an end.
At this time Mira struggled to admit his current situation of lovelornship and unemployment, and humbly hoped to start over, was resolutely determined by Jonathan, he violently pushed Mira who asked to go home, that moment even had violent tendencies, he used the strength of this year to save himself to push away the initiator of all this, his instinctive desire to save was, no matter what, do not want to repeat that taste, the scales tilted to the side of Jonathan who had made up his mind. Compared with the previous female protagonist insisting on leaving, the male protagonist held the female protagonist and did not let him go. The person who is determined to leave is the person who recognizes himself, the person who decides to be good to himself.
What happened after Mira was completely denied, there is no special explanation in the play, this is the drama. In real life, all the difficult moments are on our own every minute and every minute, and we can't escape a second. In film and television, as soon as the camera turns, it is a new life. In the first shot, Mira is still an anxious and dissatisfied face, and the calm facial features of the next shot represent the flow and blessing of the years. After Mira was denied, she was also reborn, Jonathan's rebirth was a self-version change, and Mira was recognizing herself.
Yohji Yamamoto said that the "self" thing is invisible, bumping into something else, bouncing back, will understand himself. When people reach middle age, the male and female protagonists finally understand themselves in the process of constantly hurting themselves and hurting each other and hurting others. At this time, the two meet again, but it is like a pair of confidants, giving each other a lot of space, but doing whatever they want.
When Mira met Jonathan, she said, Jonathan is the kind of person I want to be, he has value, he has goals. Her mother also felt that if she missed Jonathan, she would not be tolerated in this life. She chose him to marry because her mother said she couldn't sustain the marriage, and her family didn't have that gene. She really did not twist her genes, admit that she did not have the qualities of loyalty needed to maintain marriage, recognize that she needed passion to live, and recognized her fickleness. At this time, her physical and mental unity practiced her "single is better" concept, and she also became firm and reasonable, which was her growth.
Not all people have the ability to maintain fidelity with reason; on the contrary, most people do not have this ability. No matter how literary and film and television works are guided, seeing different thoughts, watery Yanghua, liking the new and hating the old is one of the stubborn attributes of human beings, and it is also a interferon that the precarious marriage system can never get rid of. It's just that ken admits that he is not a person like this, how to admit it, once he admits that he has been spurned by all mankind, the scum is the head, and he can't mix it. Mira bravely admits that, in any case, the moral constraints of the Western world like the animal world should be loosened. For example, in my library, he sees that I'm writing something and he asks, are you writing about grape fruit? Make me famous, you write grapefruit again? I'm going to be famous! Thick skin has the value of thick skin.
When people are sailing smoothly, their mentality is better and their appearance is better, but the growth value will be very low, because they don't need it, everything is smooth. Only when you are slapped down by the fate of the clouds and are on the verge of running out of breath will the thing called growth come, because without growth, you may become a pool of mud, become a species that has lost its sense and action, and be forgotten by the world. So, had to. decisive. grow. Like Mira and Jonathan.
Iii. The Theory of The Order of Appearances Forever
There's a sentence in my English online class today: The order of appearance really matters, which means the one who gets drunk with you cant's be the one to drive you home. Or that it's not the person who plays well who accompanies you to the end.
When Jonathan graduated from Mira's school, he knew he was a good dad, knew he wanted to have another child, knew he needed a return of faith, knew he wanted to have a family, so marriage met his needs. But now, he no longer suppresses his sexual needs in order to maintain the marriage, physically cheats, and has a one-night stand at any time. He was reborn as a man with a center of self-feeling, no longer having the concept of a lifetime, no longer suppressing his desires, no longer doing any moral restraint on himself. As mentioned earlier, his girlfriend sent a few more text messages and phone calls, urging him to meet his ex-wife and whether it was over, he used a sentence, let's separate, click and cut the trouble. At this time, when I met his woman again, it was equivalent to meeting a so-called scumbag, although I didn't like the word at all, it was too simple and rude to return to human nature.
Hell, we don't know the order of our appearances in the fate of others, but when the order is not equal, in the fire of purgatory that others can easily say no, they are refined into steel. I have a girlfriend who once mixed with a prodigal son, and the prodigal son stepped on many boats, and she gave up her self-esteem to beg the prodigal son to turn back. The prodigal son said, we met at the wrong time, you are the best woman, 20 years later, I will stand at your door with bruises and beg you to take you in, then please open the door for me. Sounds like a folk song lyric. Now less than 20 years, the girlfriend has evolved to be invincible, live a determined year of slight waves of unhappy days, friends chat often talk about the love to die to live and 20 years of adoption, the girlfriend laughed and said, people are old and decaying all over the body to ask for shelter what to think, petition to take in stray dogs.
The lawyer in "Marriage Story", starring Scarlett Johansson and Adam Dreifer, lamented, "Criminal lawyers see the best of bad people, and divorce lawyers see the worst of good people." "In a way, marriage is our closest struggle to survive in relation to the worst of human nature.
Others are hell, not to say that others are demons, but to say that the conflict between the personality attributes, the positions to which others belong, and the order of appearance is actually a violation of our own interests and dignity, and there is no intimacy without concessions, there is no patience, there is no intimate relationship without compromise, in order to maintain an intimacy, I don't know how much I want to sell the land of life and security and comfort.
Mira and Jonathan were each other's redemption, pulling each other out of the plight of youth and establishing a home that symbolized a sense of security together, which is a good intimate relationship. Douban's last comment said, in the final analysis, four words, humans can't do it. They have love, patience, communication and understanding, money, psychological counselors, but it is not okay or not, this is the most desperate. This is the marriage dilemma of human beings, the dilemma of human nature. It is easy to identify a person with a scumbag and a scumbag, but the dilemma is not solved, after the experience is tolerance, followed by self-extrication, at any time in the intimate relationship is the self-extrication of self-consciousness. This realization, in turn, will cause another person's dilemma, and the cycle will begin again and again. Behind all the calm and calm relationships, there are flowers that bloom in the ruins, which are unexpected and precious.
Back of the bootleg:
The male protagonist in "Squid Game" said that we trust not because we are trustworthy, but because we are not trustworthy. Single life, not bound to anyone, is actually a very wise choice to reduce a lot of troubles and troubles, smart people can also live their own life without lack.
But I have to admit that human beings are the most afraid of lonely animals, and many of us choose the former in the free single life of marriage, noise and autumn lock sycamore, and there is a great element of fear of loneliness. Marriage is an alternative therapy to solve the problems of loneliness, and it is necessary to do everything possible to maintain a marriage, and not to hold out much hope.
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