Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read dr. Yue Xiaodong's book", "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University", "Chapter 4 The Dissolution of the Myth of Love".
Text: Case studies
4. Turning the Love Triangle - Interpreting the Brain Mechanism of Love
The famous psychologist Mr. Sternberg has depicted the theory of the love triangle through long-term research, proposing that the three sides of the love triangle symbolize passion, intimacy and commitment.
Passion is the sexual component of love, is emotional fascination; Intimacy refers to the warm experience that can be caused in the love relationship, as well as mutual recognition and acceptance, which is soul dependence; Commitment refers to the expectation or guarantee of maintaining the relationship, which is an eternal yearning.
In the triangle of love, the length of the three sides is not permanent, and there will be different changes in the different periods of love and marriage. Often in the first two years of love, the side that symbolizes passion appears longer, so that many people linger in the passion and do not care about the surrounding things, that is, the proverbial lover's eyes are out of the west.
In their five-year relationship with Helen, they have entered a phase of building intimacy and commitment. But judging from Charlie's narrative, their love is still undiminished and perfect. But his one-night stand potentially underscores how his passion for Helen has gradually returned to a normal state. But his perfectionism and self-centeredness led him to adopt a defense mechanism of avoidance and even denial of the contradictions and problems in their love.
It was only after I had provoked him to think about the problems in his interaction with Helen several times that he suddenly became aware and began to reflect on him. In the end, he realized that in love, it is very important to tolerate and accept each other's shortcomings and maintain the relationship between the two with heart.
Brain science has also empirically demonstrated that the part of the brain that controls emotions in love and marriage can measure changes; Brain science also inspires us that love not only relies on impulse, but also requires us to manage with our hearts.
unscramble:
We further interpret the love triangle theory to help you deeply understand the true meaning of love.
The love triangle theory is the theory of love proposed by american psychologist Sternberg, which holds that all love experiences are composed of three basic components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. These three components constitute seven types of love, obsessive love, hollow love, romantic love, partner love, stupid love, and perfect love.
Passion is the sexual component of love, is an emotional obsession, the appearance and inner charm of the individual is an important factor affecting passion. Passion is a state of "intense desire to be united with the other person." In layman's terms, it is to see each other, there will be a feeling of excitement, and there is an exciting experience with each other. Sexual needs, passions can be positive or negative. Positive passions motivate people to overcome difficulties and overcome difficulties; negative passions often have a suppressive effect on normal activities or cause impulsive behavior. People with correct ideological understanding, high moral character and strong will can control their negative passions. It is the dominant form of arousing passion, and other self-esteem, care, belonging, domination, and obedience are also the sources of awakening the experience of passion.
Intimacy refers to the warm experience that can be caused in a love relationship is the feeling that two people psychologically like each other, including the appreciation of the lover, the desire to take care of the lover, the disclosure of self and inner communication. Intimacy includes 10 elements: 1. desire to promote the happiness of the beloved; 2. feeling happy when with the beloved, the lover likes to be with their lovers; 3. both lovers feel very happy when they do things together, and let the memory of good times become comfort and strength in difficult times; 4. Lovers must value and respect each other very much. Although lovers may be aware of each other's weaknesses, they cannot reduce their overall respect for each other, and in times of crisis, the lover can call on the other party and can expect the other party to be in the same boat as him 5. Couples should understand each other, understand each other's feelings and emotions, and know how to react to each other in a corresponding way; 6. Be willing to share themselves and their possessions with the beloved, although they do not have to make everything a common property, but both parties should share their finances when needed, and most importantly, share their ego; 7. The partner can get encouragement and support from the beloved party, feel refreshed, especially in the face of adversity, when you feel as if everything is against you, your spouse can always stand with you, then you know that your relationship has this factor; 8. Give the beloved party emotional support. In the face of adversity, the loved one should be spiritually connected with the beloved party and give emotional support. 9. Partners can communicate deeply and honestly and share deep feelings. When you are embarrassed by something you have done, you can still talk to the loved one with your heart, and this is the communication you experience; 10. Cherish the loved one. The lover should fully feel the importance of the other person in the common life, recognizing that your spouse is more important than all your material possessions.
Commitment refers to the decision expectation or guarantee of maintaining the relationship, which is the expectation of love in the individual's heart or mouth, and is the most rational component of love. Commitment consists of both short-term and long-term aspects: 1. The short-term aspect is to make decisions about whether to love a person or not. 2. The long-term aspect is to make a commitment to maintain this love relationship, including loyalty to love and responsibility. That is, the marriage vows say "I do!" It is a commitment to share hardships and hardships and to die. Not necessarily both. For example, deciding to love someone, but not necessarily willing to take responsibility or give a commitment; or deciding to love only him/her for the rest of your life, but not necessarily saying it.
Passion, intimacy and commitment together constitute love, and without any of these elements it cannot be called love, just as the three points establish a plane, and without any one point, this only plane does not exist. The reason why Steinberg calls love with three basic elements perfect love is because establishing a stable and continuous love requires both parties to spend their lives to cultivate and care, which is a huge project that runs through life. However, having three elements does not mean that love will become a reality, and love requires more effort to regulate the relationship between the three. Love is not an easy thing, no wonder some people think that love is an ability, not innate, need to constantly exercise and practice to cultivate. To love is an ability, to be loved is also an ability, and it needs to be an art. In this era when even love requires ability to support it, it is not easy to talk about a real love artistically. Many people think they're in love, but they don't know it's not love, at best it's immature love or non-love. Because to find and enjoy real love is not an overnight thing, just as in this chapter Charlie's five-year love affair with Helen, it looks vigorous and emotionally sincerely invested, but in fact, it does not really understand the "love triangle theory", or that true love must be able to withstand twists and turns, and even use his life to protect each other! (This article refers to some of the contents of Baidu Encyclopedia)
November 09, 2021 #Counselor said #