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Someone asked: Why am I becoming more and more silent, even in front of my family, I have nothing to say? What the hell is going on here?
In the eyes of bystanders, the psychological state of people who can ask themselves so questions is still normal. Because, at the level of thinking, he can still review and judge his own behavior, and hope to find answers.
It is not so much that the person who asks this question is trying to find an answer for himself, but rather that the subconscious self drives him out of or changes his current state of life.
What might this state of life look like?
1. Surrounded by loneliness, there is no one to communicate with
2. I have a lot of thoughts in my heart but I can't find someone I can trust to talk to
3. Isolate yourself from the crowd, enjoy the sense of loneliness, but also worry about your loneliness, and panic that you will be completely forgotten and misunderstood.
We all know that after a long period of celibacy, a person will gradually lose the coordinates of life and the reference of behavior, and even cannot judge from the behavior and words and deeds of others what is weird about himself, whether his behavior is appropriate or reasonable, and whether there is a big difference from the surrounding environment.
If we analyze it from a psychological point of view, we will also find that when a person often falls into a state of loneliness and silence, his language system and behavioral guidelines will change significantly.
First, language tends to speak to itself, with inner monologue expressions. As soon as he spoke, he seemed profound, more dignified than a thinker.
Secondly, the behavior is not trimmed, mainly based on its own comfort, but it loses the reference to the surrounding environment and does not care for the feelings of strangers at all.
In addition, the behavior is restrained, and the body movements will show obvious indifference, loneliness and rejection that refuse to be thousands of miles away, giving people a cold, inviolable posture and hint as a whole.
Finally, it also tends to express heavy tastes such as force, violence, science fiction, and crime, and tries to change the tedium and blandness of real life with exaggerated depth in the spatial storyline.
Although some of the above characteristics are not very obvious, throughout the daily life of the isolated people, there are basically the above characteristics.
Even if they occasionally go home to spend time with their families, they are emotionally stiff and cold because of the long-term isolation and lack of communication. They may even be bored and resistant to overly private inquiries from their families.
Because, they who have not interacted with people for a long time will become extremely sensitive, and a little wind and grass will stir their sensitive and fragile psychology and nerves, making them like cats meet dogs, immediately arch their bodies, and respond to outsiders' inquiries or concerns about them in a state of emergency.
In their view, outsiders, even family inquiries, are a kind of interference, even aggression, to themselves.
The long period of solitude has led to their psychological enrichment, but their nervous system is fragile and sensitive, and even artificially magnifies their sensitivity, and does not allow outsiders to approach his private territory without their permission.
This situation is similar to the symptoms of autism in psychology, but in reality, these symptoms are not autism. Psychological autism refers to a more severe organic lesion, rather than a state of loneliness that people simply understand.
In fact, when people ask themselves why they are becoming more and more silent, and they don't even want to speak in front of their families, there may be several reasons.
First, there are psychological, spiritual, and practical emotional barriers and estrangements with the family, emotional communication is not smooth, the relationship is not harmonious, and they are unwilling to carry out general communication.
Usually, if a person does not have the desire to speak when facing a close family member, then 50% of the reasons may come from the disharmony of family relations.
In this state of disharmony, ordinary small things such as chatting and talking will become a burden of communication. In order to reduce this burden, people will choose to remain silent, and the more silent, the more indifferent the emotions; many misunderstandings that could have been clearly said may gradually deepen and eventually become deep emotional barriers or rifts.
Second, the work is too tiring, the family can not communicate on the same level, simply let themselves fall into silence, the right is rest and self-regulation.
Generally speaking, a person's encounters and distress in the workplace are difficult to tell the other half of the family or their parents.
First, I can't bear it, I don't want to pass on my distress and sense of difficulty to my family, so that they can't help themselves on the basis of being able to work hard with themselves; second, in many cases, the focus of the family seems to always be on how much money they earn, whether the relationship with colleagues is harmonious, and rarely pay attention to the parties' own pains and difficulties.
Even some parents who are more extreme or unclear will habitually distort themselves, believing that their children are not doing a good job, and then reprimand their children. This makes people who originally want to relax themselves by talking and complaining feel stressed.
Then give up talking to your family about your work or life pains, preferring to chew the pain alone. In a fast-paced and efficient competitive environment, almost every professional life is not easy.
If you don't live alone, but find yourself more and more silent, and you don't even have anything to say when you face your family, maybe it's because there are still pains in your heart that haven't healed, then you don't have to force yourself.
In fact, sometimes properly adapting to one's own fatigue and silence is a kind of healing and healing for oneself.
Because the body and the brain clearly state that the state of speechlessness, the state of silence, is what you need most at this moment. Then, simply do not disturb this need of the self, but face it seriously and meet it.
When you follow the instructions of your body and brain and allow yourself to recover well, you will find that you still have something to say and will not fall into a sickly lonely silence.
- the end - Author | Magical little Edit | A grain of rice The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars 参考资料：vinciarelli a., salamin h., polychroniou a., mohammadi g., origlia a. (2012) from nonverbal cues to perception: personality and social attractiveness. WeChat public account: the first psychology