Do you have a 13-17 year old "mythical beast" in your family? Halfway through the summer vacation, how did the "Divine Beast" spend the summer vacation? Many parents say that communicating with their children is "incompetent." Hurry up and read the "Summer Vacation Parent-Child Communication Guide" summarized by mental health experts.
Four characteristics of psychological development in adolescence
Love to challenge parents and prove themselves "independent thinking"
Adolescence is an important period of life development, and physical and psychological changes will occur dramatically. In the face of physical development, the expansion of social experience and changes in thinking styles, especially in the face of the pressure of social competition, primary and secondary school students in this period will encounter various troubles in learning, life, self-awareness, emotional adjustment, interpersonal communication and further education and employment, and are prone to psychological problems.
On July 30, in the "Health Hui Living Room" held in the Lilac Garden Neighborhood Hui in Kangjian Street, Xuhui District, Fan Juan, chief physician of Shanghai Mental Health Center, and Xu Jun, deputy chief physician, started from the characteristics of adolescent psychological development to provide parents with effective psychological communication guidelines.
Dr. Fan Juan analyzed four "mood" characteristics in adolescence:
1. The forehead of the brain develops rapidly, resulting in emotionalization, such as easy impulsiveness, easy to conflict with classmates, parents, and teachers. Easy to anger, easy to "amygdala fever".
2. The thinking of adolescents in this period is particularly active, the initial development of advanced logical thinking, like to consider from many different angles, to criticize, to question, especially good at "debate", like to challenge the authority of parents, to prove that they are different, have independent thinking ability.
3, dopamine secretion is active, like to do some exciting, stimulating, adventurous things, will have a good feeling of ignorance of the opposite sex.
4, high self-awareness, self-centered, will feel that their words and deeds are concerned by others, more concerned about their own image, to face. For example, having pimples is like a big thing, and you want to wear a mask and sunglasses.
These behaviors may become the "rebellious" behavior in the mouth of parents, in fact, these are physiological and psychological causes in the process of brain development, parents should correctly understand, not necessarily the child "bad".
Early love, online games, parent-child relationship "sensitive words"
Remember: exchange ideas and don't let your emotions go
What are the common psychological confusions and problems of adolescents during this period? How do parents and teachers respond?
Dr. Xu Jun stressed that the world of teenagers is different from that of parents. They often feel that parents/teachers do not understand themselves, ignore their own requirements, "every day only know to let me learn, and it is not interesting to communicate with parents." ”
In this regard, it is recommended that children should communicate with parents formally, let parents know their feelings, explore some of their ideas in life, learning and socializing, and let parents clarify their needs. Communicate ideas and don't vent your emotions.
Second, regular daily sleep is important for children. Sleep time varies from person to person, some children need 8 hours, some children only need 7 hours. But if the child always feels that he can't wake up and is very tired, it is to remind the child that the state is not good, and the parents should be targeted, such as exercise, such as adjusting the education methods and methods, and adjusting the child's emotions.
Dr. Xu Yun also reminded parents that before giving birth to a second child, they should formally communicate with their children and communicate with quality, and the children are very sensitive to the parents' language, expressions, and actions, and do not communicate with the child because he is small. If the child has emotions, it can be used as an opportunity to adjust the parent-child relationship with the child, and take the opportunity to reflect on the rhythm, parenting style, and communication style of their early parenting.
When the child changes from an only child to a "little brother" and a "little sister", parents should not blindly let the older child take on more responsibilities, and when the child is required to make "concessions", it will make the child have a psychological gap, but should pay attention to the psychological changes of the child, and there should be clear "family rules" between the children and strictly implemented, all equal.
Regarding the "sensitive words" in parent-child relationships such as "early love" and "online games", Dr. Fan Juan suggested:
1. Early love is the establishment of a sense of intimacy with peers during adolescence. Parents/teachers should not intervene arbitrarily, and can allow children to explore on the basis of supporting and trusting children, but clearly put forward reasonable boundaries for normal interaction, otherwise it is easy to cause rebellious psychology.
2. If the child is addicted to playing mobile phones and online games, parents should understand the demands of children playing mobile phones, and should slowly solve these needs in real life. Don't rudely keep your child from touching the phone, especially if parents can't lead by example.
How should parents and teachers help children develop a good psychological state?
Xu Yun reminds parents and teachers:
1. Be sure to listen to the children's voices from the perspective of the children and listen carefully to the children's demands.
2, parents should also take good care of themselves, stabilize their emotions, and adjust their own state in order to better educate and guide their children.
3, do more parent-child activities, such as summer cooking, do sports, travel, etc., to stimulate children's interest, establish a sense of intimacy, establish a good communication relationship; parental companionship is very important.
4. Cultivate children's awareness of rules and bottom-line thinking. Let children know that society has rules and parents have a bottom line.
Knock on the blackboard to summarize three key words: love, lead, and boundary rules.
The mental health of children and adolescents needs the attention and support of the whole society. May our children walk with love, be born to the sun, and have a happy life.
Author: Tang Wenjia
Editor: Tang Wenjia
Image source: Respondent