When I first met Teacher Wang Fei, she had a long black and beautiful hair, and when she talked to people, she spoke softly, not hurriedly, not slowly, making people feel like a spring breeze. Gao Xiaosong's song "The Age of White Fluttering" - "When the autumn wind stops at the ends of your hair, on the shoulders of the red sunset" ran into my mind, and together with her figure, it became my first impression of her.
The songs in my impression are all very good - listening, melodic, singing the praises of youth, love, poetry and far away. At that time, there were no endless mobile phone games, endless circle of friends to share, young friends have time to meet to climb the mountain, chat, exchange what books they have recently read, what songs they have listened to.
When I told Teacher Wang Fei about this idea, she smiled happily, "Then you only see one side of me."
01, about the sense of security
As a psychological counselor in button family education, Wang Fei has to face many parents who need to communicate and enlighten every day. Wang Fei said that the parents who came to consult were generally "anxious". From "what to do if the child does not go to school", it can be associated with "the child does not have a good future". Unconsciously amplifying a child's problems will always immerse parents in an invisible pressure. This kind of pressure can not be eliminated will affect the attitude of communication with children, children will have a lot of negative emotions after living in this atmosphere for a long time, and the relationship with parents will go farther and farther. Wang Fei believes that this is one of the reasons why more and more parents feel that there is no way to communicate with their children.
"In the parent-child relationship, many times parents can only see the child's problems and ignore their own problems." Wang Fei believes that if a child has a problem, parents have an unshirkable responsibility. "In general, there is a problem with the way parents are educated." Therefore, many improvements in parent-child relationships begin with parental changes. "First let parents understand how to communicate with their children, and then they can better guide their children."
Wang Fei said that when enlightening parents, it is like looking at the "Yin and Yang Diagram". In her view, the yin and yang diagram contains a lot of truths about life - "there is always a turning point in the crisis". Wang Fei believes that when many parents face their children's problems, they only amplify the crisis of the problem and cannot see the turning point of this matter. "Our role is to help parents recognize the two sides of things, guide parents to see the turnaround of things, and thus grasp this turnaround."
At work, it is inevitable that among the parents who come to consult, there will be those who are in a hurry and have a bad attitude. But no matter whether the parents are irritable or anxious, Wang Fei can easily establish a very good communication atmosphere with each parent. In the face of the negative emotions of parents, Wang Fei believes that the first thing to do is to accept the expression of parents, "I understand the anxious mood of parents, so I allow him (her) to vent, allow him (her) to have his own temper." We have to accept the parent first, and give him or her a sense of security first."
When Wang Fei said these words, people felt at ease. This is probably the main reason why she can quickly make her parents feel trusting and having a sense of security.
02, about growth
All along, Wang Fei feels that his personality and work are still quite compatible.
When he was young, Wang Fei's parents were busy with work, and when he was taken by his mother to live with his grandmother when he was two years old. After going to elementary school, I went to live with my grandmother for convenience. It wasn't until I grew up that I returned to my parents. But it is this life that seems to outsiders to be "several times tossed" that has become an unforgettable memory of Wang Fei's growth.
"In my life, there are three women who have participated in my upbringing." All three women have left an indelible mark on Wang Fei's growth. "Grandma took care of many children at that time, I saw [patience] in her, she will patiently teach us every little thing; I stayed with grandma for a long time, and she also taught me how to [communicate with people], which affected my way of dealing with people; in my mother, I saw [pay], although she was not by my side when she was a child, but she was also for a better life in our family." 」
Wang Fei, who grew up under the influence of the different education of the three women, is independent and autonomous, and has a strong and rich heart.
Wang Fei, who grew up in such an environment, recognized the important position of women in the family and society. At the same time, she also believes that women's happiness is closely related to family. "In a family composition, the most important thing is the woman. Women take care of the family, take care of the elderly, children, women grow up, the family happiness index will become higher; similarly, the family is happy, women will be happier. "The different qualities felt in his mother, grandmother, and grandmother allow Wang Fei to be more considerate of other mothers's [female identity] in his work, and he can also better understand himself."
"In my impression, my grandparents never blushed or quarreled. Whatever it is, they are deliberative." Wang Fei said that grandparents are the "wise people" of life, and they all know how to communicate with family members and how to maintain family relations. Her grandparents' words and deeds have always influenced her, both in managing her own small family and in forming her own personal style. "Many times I will ignore my lover and children because of my work, at this time, I will continue to communicate with my lover and children, keep talking, and strengthen the mutual understanding between my family members."
Perhaps under the influence of the three female elders, Wang Fei, after becoming a mother, also showed great tolerance and patience for her children. Compared with the child's grades, Wang Fei implements the principle of "hoping that he will play hard at the age when he should play". She puts the child's health first, and in addition to health, she hopes that the child can have happiness and finally "become the person he wants to be".
"The eggs were opened from the outside and were food. Only by breaking the shell from within is life."
03, about personality
Talk about the opportunity to engage in the psychological counseling industry. Wang Fei admitted that he did not do this business at the beginning, but did human resources. "HUMAN RESOURCES is also a job that deals with people, so my change of mind is nurtured at work." Wang Fei said that when he was doing human resources, he enjoyed the process of communicating with people, and through learning psychology knowledge, he could better help colleagues and companies solve many problems.
The reason why I changed careers is mainly because of the [limitations] brought about by this job. "In the process of dealing with employee relations, I found that many employees have performance problems, which have little to do with the employees' own work ability, because when digging deeper into the reasons through the problems, you will find that many problems can be traced back to personal cognition and the original family." It really echoes Schindler's saying that "the lucky one heals a lifetime with childhood, and the unfortunate heals childhood with a lifetime." The fundamental need to solve the problem is to start from adjusting himself and starting from the original family, and it is this idea that makes Wang Fei resolutely choose the work of family education and embark on the road of professional psychological counselor.
This brave determination in doing things is very contrasting with the gentle impression she gives.
"In fact, I am relatively crisp in my life and work." Wang Fei said this with a smile, and with her gentle voice, it seemed extremely contrasting but very convincing. "I hope to apply what I have learned to help more people in need and let everyone live comfortably."
Wang Fei's love for the psychological counseling industry is from the heart. She said, "Since I have done this industry, I will work deeply in this industry." On the one hand, I want to continue to empower myself through learning, and at the same time, I hope that I can bring this positive energy of myself to more parents, so that they (they) can also become the ones who emit positive energy in the family."
"This industry also does not retire, I intend to live to be old, to learn old; to learn old, to work to old."
Outside of work, Wang Fei likes outdoor sports very much, travels regularly, and climbs mountains with his lover every weekend, including children, one day for studying, one day for relaxation, "in short, you can't always hold it at home." Wang Fei enjoys the feeling of embracing nature outdoors, and when he looks at the beautiful scenery under the mountain, he will feel that his heart is open. "It can both relax me and allow me to receive the energy of nature."
When Wang Fei said this, her hair swayed gently with her smile, and the old wolf's song "Love Wind and Dust" -- "Let's go, girl, go and see the red morning sun." You chant against the wind, dew hanging from the ends of your hair" and freeze with this scene.