A woman who is crying
Wen | carved the swallow of time
Mr. Yang Dai once said: "In this life, it is easy to be selfish, but it is difficult to love yourself. ”
After 4 test tubes, I voluntarily quit the marriage that I had worked so hard to maintain for 10 years. He is the only son in the family, and in order not to let him bear the insult of "great filial piety", I can only choose to give up. Two months after the divorce, I saw the news of his engagement in the circle of friends.
Scattered rose petals, lost love
This is a netizen in a video of an infertile woman under the message, after reading this text I burst into tears. Because of similar encounters and confusions, I am often in a state of fear and uneasiness, fearing that the marriage I have been guarding will one day collapse because of the lack of children.
Married for six years, prepared to be pregnant for five years, and never conceived. From the second year of pregnancy, the first thing my mother-in-law did every time I went back to my hometown was to take me to the doctor, do various examinations, and prescribe a bunch of messy medicines.
Do a pregnancy test
Without children, parents seem to be more anxious than mother-in-law. According to their thinking, I am sorry for my in-laws if I can't give birth to a child, and they can always kick me out of the house in the name of "nothing out", and my position in the in-laws' family is in jeopardy.
Originally, I didn't care, but every time I went back to my mother's house, the attitude of my relatives and friends made me very confused. In the first two years, the seven aunts and eight aunts always surrounded me to do ideological work, and now they are directly introducing doctors and folk remedies, I am not pregnant, everyone knows.
The Spring Festival dinner seconds become larger and the scene of spawning
One day my mother suddenly broke down and cried and called, saying that because I didn't have children, she had no face to go out, and the neighbors were talking too badly, so I was trying to stop their mouths. During the Spring Festival of the previous year, my aunt scolded me for an hour and asked me if my child was important or if work was important?
At that time, I was very irritable and confused, and I didn't know how to choose between work and my children. In April 2020, after three years of struggle, I resolutely gave up my job and returned to my family to start my pregnancy preparation.
Resigned and returned to the family to prepare for pregnancy
In fact, I have always been confused about whether I can take on the responsibility of raising a child, and I have a voice of rejection in my heart, and I am also a little afraid. Having children is mainly from the pressure of parents, relatives and friends, and even the gossip of the neighbors.
Before I resigned, I had done many checks, but I didn't find any problems, and I drank a lot of Chinese medicine without effect. In the past year, I had another salpingogram and a laparoscopic surgery, and it turned out that my bilateral fallopian tubes were intact and there was nothing wrong with it.
Follow your doctor's advice to start doing artificial insemination
My husband's sperm quality has been poor, the doctor recommended artificial insemination, I have done it three times in more than half a year without success, and each failure has made me exhausted and painful. Because of the medication and injections, I gained one or two pounds, my figure was out of shape, and I didn't dare to go out to meet people.
After I resigned, I began to write in the headlines, expressing my emotions through words, chatting for comfort, meeting many friends, and seeing everyone's attitude towards life, which was a fortunate thing. In addition to gaining fans, I also have earnings, and I am busy for more than half a year than the previous month's salary.
In my spare time, I started writing
After spending nearly a year, preparing for pregnancy without results, and there was no major breakthrough in writing, I began to panic, often waking up from sleep, opening my eyes and wondering if I was out of touch with society. Will people who go to work now dislike my age and poor image?
I was getting more and more sad, lonely and helpless
A few days ago, a friend recommended me a video, "Mother-in-law with daughter-in-law to treat infertility, the doctor asked the mother-in-law without mercy: What qualifications do you have to help her make a choice?" The doctor's few words completely woke me up, yes, i don't want children to let others decide!
There's nothing wrong with my body, so why spend so much energy on so-called treatments? Why did I have to endure various tests and surgeries again and again, and why did I promise my family to start test tubes in a few days? Do things that I don't like and resist.
IVF
Deep down, I'm not constantly struggling on the road to a child because I want a child, I have a child like completing a task assigned by adults, giving everyone an explanation, I didn't even think about what life would be like for one more child.
It turned out that I had been putting myself in a misunderstanding, I was sorry for my parents and family if I couldn't have children, I didn't deserve to stand in the crowd without children, and I subconsciously thought that no children were women's fault, and I would inexplicably feel guilty and blame myself.
For the first time, I began to think about a question: Can I be selfish, live for myself, and learn to love myself?
I began to wonder if I could live selfishly
After dinner that day, I took my husband for a walk and walked around the park next door until I got home at 12:30 a.m. We talked for hours, about the kids, about test tubes, about my work and our plans for the future.
Through this in-depth conversation, he seemed to really understand my recent state, and my husband said painfully, what test tubes, what children we don't want, as long as you are well, everything goes with the flow, accept what you have, no and no demand.
Sit by the water after sunset and chat
Referring to the out-of-shape, he said that the two of us are now half a pound and eight or two, and neither of us should abandon the other. I was obese because of too much medication and lack of exercise, he was obese due to unscientific diet and high work pressure, and we agreed on a three-month weight loss plan together.
When he mentioned that I now have no job and am uneasy, he decided to start the renovation plan of the new house, design and choose soft decoration to let me make the decision, do what I like, distract, lose weight, adjust my mentality, and start again.
We started the slimming program
I was very relieved and touched to hear my husband's words, it turned out that I thought too much, worried too much, I knitted a big net for myself, struggled in it, and almost lost myself.
After all, I still can't learn to be selfish and don't know how to love myself. Truly loving yourself should not always consider the feelings of others, ignore your own value, and love yourself should start from facing your heart calmly.
Women are always worried about too much to live tangled and hard
In fact, looking back on the mental journey of the past year, the desire to become an independent and financially powerful woman far exceeds the fact that I have to sacrifice everything to complete the wishes of others and work hard to have a child.
In recent years, the sisters who have ridden the wind and waves have brought me many surprises, and it turns out that women in their thirties and forties are still so attractive, and their confidence and freedom have infected many people. The hit of "Thirty Only" has once again ignited the potential power of some women.
Sisters who ride the wind and waves
The 2021 headline opening speech is also a very meaningful activity, I will pay more attention to women's speeches when I watch, like Ma Li, Dong Mingzhu, Deng Yaping, their experience and fighting spirit have given many women the courage to face hardships.
Mary opened the year with a speech
Every time I see the success of other women, I am always eager to try, plan to do it over and over again, but I am defeated by many sudden difficulties, I don't even know where to start to change, the more I think about it, the more decadent it is, so it will not be solved.
But I often woke up from sleep, afraid that I would become the most hated person I had ever been, afraid that I would not have the courage to stand in the crowd, afraid that I would be disconnected from society, and that I would no longer have a common language with my husband. Subconsciously, I still want to change, I want to be strong.
Try to change
Since resigning and preparing for pregnancy without financial income, I have begun to shrink my money, even if my husband pays his salary into my hands every month, the balance of the card will not affect my normal life, but I seem to lack some confidence, as if I am not eligible to spend without earning money.
At that moment, I understood why my mother held the economic power and hesitated to eat a bowl of cold skin on the street, and her words made me feel particularly sad: "Because I have never made money!" It turns out that only when you are in the same situation can you understand the humility of your mother.
Women must first recognize their own value
Since I started writing, I have read a lot of words and heard a lot of voices, it turns out that housewives are also a profession, she pays no less to the family than men, and the latest civil code also makes new provisions on women's rights and interests, which is undoubtedly an affirmation of women.
Even the public has affirmed our value, as a woman, why should we be arrogant. In the case of her mother, although she did not work, she worked all her life, raised four children, did housework and worked in the fields, and worked at home from morning to night for her father's small business.
Mother who has been busy
If these are converted into wages, it is likely to far exceed the income of most men. I resigned myself to prepare for pregnancy for a year, in addition to doing housework and writing to make money, I also took on the burden of conceiving a new life, which is also a kind of pay, and no one can deny it.
The first step in the rise of ordinary women is to affirm their own value, come out of humility, and face life calmly. Childbearing is not our only value, taking on the heavy responsibility of taking care of the family is also a kind of pay, jump out of the circle of thinking, and be brave to be yourself.
Confidence makes life better
Whether it is a sister who rides the wind and waves or other successful women, their confidence and self-confidence stem from economic and personality independence. From the perspective of my mental journey of resigning and preparing for pregnancy for a year, in fact, I especially regret giving up my job, and I have no self-confidence without income.
A new way of living for women in the family
Women who can gallop in the workplace are lucky, have the initiative to grasp the initiative when they have income, and do not easily give up this opportunity for economic independence, which is the basis of freedom and freedom, the weight of our dignity in marriage, and the last line of defense in the face of great changes.
How can a housewife without a job achieve financial independence? In the era of national self-media, text and video monetization have become commonplace, and it is also a good choice to show what you like to be good at, and to start a business at a small cost while taking care of your family.
Living your own way is also colorful
With an economic foundation, the next step is the independence of the personality. In the past, I felt that getting married and having children was a mission of women, and now the experience of countless women tells us that women do not exist just to have children, she also has her own pursuits and the right to live for herself.
There are many kinds of women's diversity, which can be the iron lady who works hard in the workplace, can be intoxicated with the family and children, and does not lose her own housewife, can be a beautiful person who walks the road of public welfare to contribute to society, or can she be a literary and artistic woman who pursues freedom and yearns for nature.
Women's strength is unpredictable, living out the true self, living into their favorite way, is really colorful.
Colorful women
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