2015-10-12Unce Kai tells a story
Author | deborah farmer kris
Compile the | Hou Mingming
(This article is reprinted by the "big and small love play" authorized id: dxloveplay "big and small love to play" is a popular parent-child play sharing platform)
[Nagging] Just released oscar hit "Mind Agent", although this is an animation, but the analysis of human emotions is quite in place, many places tear-inducing effect is super strong.
Speaking of human emotions, there are a total of 5 emotional villain protagonists in the film: yellow music, blue sorrow, purple fear, green disgust and red anger, representing happiness, sadness, fear, disgust and anger, respectively, they control the emotional response of the little girl Riley on the console inside her brain.
The focus of the film is to make people realize that the occasional sadness is beneficial, and it turns out that growing up is accompanied by the loss and destruction of many memories. So, how can we help children realize their emotions and learn to manage their emotions?
Today I brought in an article by deborah farmer Kris, a researcher who has worked for many years at Boston University's Center for Personality and Social Responsibility. If you want to feel the emotions of your children as warmly and lovingly as the parents in the movie, let's take a look.
The scary two-year-old, the precarious three-year-old like adolescence, and the frightening four-year-old are all synonymous with bad tempers and bad spirits, meaning that children have not yet learned how to manage their emotions.
But instead of waiting for your child to grow up and get out of this stage, take advantage of opportunities to teach them emotional management skills that will benefit both in the short and long term.
A growing body of research shows that preschoolers who focus on developing emotional management skills have fewer tantrums, are less anxious, and better at addressing social problems, which is closely related to academic performance and mental health in adulthood.
In other words, when children learn to soothe themselves, express their emotions in words, and be kind to others, they lay a good foundation for future success.
So, what can parents do?
1. Give your child a name to your emotions
Reflective listening is a common way for psychologists, preschool children have limited language expression ability, parents can first patiently "listen" to the child's external performance, such as shouting, pushing, crying, fear and cringing, and then feedback their understanding to the child, to help them recognize their emotions, such as:
"Little brother tore your painting, you are very angry."
"Grandma is gone, you don't want to leave her, so you're very sad."
"Get a big balloon, you're so happy, jump up and down."
As your child grows older, you can use this technique to make your child understand the subtle differences in various emotions and enrich your child's emotional vocabulary:
"The tower that was so hard to build has fallen, and you look very depressed."
"The thunder just now was so loud, you're surprised, aren't you?"
2) Let the child realize that every emotion is normal
Emotions should not be good or bad. However, strong emotions can scare children or make children lose control, so let children learn to face external stimuli and recognize that everyone will be angry, sad or scared, which will allow them to get comforted and build empathy.
After the child's emotions have calmed down, recall what happened before, briefly summarize the child's feelings, and remind him that everyone, including parents, may feel the same way, such as:
Grandma left this morning, and you were so upset that you kicked in the door and cried. You want grandma to stay at our house and play with you, right? In fact, everyone will be sad when Grandma leaves, and I am also very sad. I love chatting with her and watching her read to you. Faced with separation, people will be sad. Would you like to give her a call tomorrow or paint her a picture?
However, your child may want to hear more about your experience. This repetition has the benefit: the things that made you angry are over, and you and your child can use this as a reference to prepare for the emotional stimuli you may encounter in the future.
3. Help children remember simple emotional management skills
Everyone knows that throwing a tantrum at the supermarket queue to check out isn't a good thing, but that doesn't mean we're about to be late and stuck in a slow-moving line to keep up. We can't decide what emotions we have, but we can control how we express them.
Cartoons often have catchy ballads, and you can also help your child develop similar simple and memorable emotional management skills, such as:
"When you're very angry, you want to yell, so take a deep breath and try counting to 3."
"If you do something wrong, first say I'm sorry, and then say I can do something for you?"
"You play first, then it's up to me."
If your child is showing an easy tantrum, you can help him list things he can and can't do, such as:
"When I'm angry, I can't hit my brother, but I can stomp my feet or squeeze the toy ball hard."
Emotional expression can also be linked to healthy eating, exercise, and sleep:
"When I'm depressed, sometimes I eat a healthy snack and then get some sleep and I feel better."
4. Carefully observe the illustrations in the picture book with your child
Studies have shown that reading fiction can cultivate empathy. For young children, picture books are a great tool for learning emotional expression skills.
The picture in the picture book provides a visual clue for the child, and when something happens in the story that makes people happy, scared or discouraged, stop and look at the picture with the child:
Look at this little girl, what do you think she's thinking?
Carefully observe the facial expressions of the characters in the picture book with the child, what their posture and movements are like, and the next time they encounter a similar scene, the child can use the same coping method.
Here are a few children's book writers who are particularly good at expressing emotions in books:
Kevin Henks, author of "I'm So Worried," "Arvin's Little Blanket."
Patricia Polaco, author of "The Taste of Lemons," "Thank you, Foucault."
5. Practice meditation with your child
Mindfulness, which originated in Buddhism, is a practice that is actually very suitable for parents, and the key point is to calm down their bodies and minds and observe everything around them, including sounds, smells, and images.
Practice meditation with your child for 1 minute, then share what they observe and hear from each other, and practice while walking on the way to the park. Before going to bed at night or at the end of the day, you can also share with your child some small things that make you happy.
Ultimately, emotional intelligence is the foundation of learning. As Daniel Goleman, a well-known psychologist and author of the book "Emotional Intelligence", said: "If you don't have high emotional intelligence, no self-awareness, no ability to manage negative emotions, no empathy and good interpersonal relationships, then no matter how high your IQ is, you won't achieve much." ”